It's ours not mine - or is it?

[ohthiscouldgetmessy]

Help. This is more for advise than AIBU really. I have rented a house from a family member with my partner for many years, we have probably paid around 50% the current value of the house in rent. We have also spent money on a few bits that needed doing.

Now, here is the tricky bit. I am being gifted the house because we have paid so much in rent and what we have done to it. What we have done, we have done together and will have added value to the house. So essentially what we have paid in rent would have covered the initial purchase price of the property when we moved in. (Due to bad financial decisions by one party we were unable to get a joint mortgage so just continued renting).

Partner is under impression the house will be ours. It is only going to be put into my name as its my family member who owns it. Should I put the house into both our names as we have paid the same into it or would you be looking at the rental paid, expenses paid, take that away from current value and work out percentage? Or just keep it 50/50.

I think 50/50 but want other opinions.

She would do whatever any other homeowner does; pay for repairs out of savings or get a loan/credit card etc. Giving up ownership because there MAY be future expenses is absurd.

Will be an unpopular option but your name ONLY don’t marry him.

protect your gift.

just look at the amount of men who fuck around/fuck off

protect yourself OP

50/50 marry him to secure your asset.
100% yours, keep it and pass it to your children as an inheritance.

Women have so few options and are regularly financially penalised for childcare and being women. Choose yourself. If he wants half, he needs to put a ring on it.

And I know that's unfair to resort to an oppressive legal system, but it's the only way to have security. Also get a civil partnership if you're against marriage.

If you've officially been renting then the gift that you are getting is the full current value of the house, not the value it was at the time you moved in. It's also not the current value of the house, minus the rent you've been paying. I think you need to get professional advice about legal and tax implications before doing anything else.

I get your meaning but I was just using that as an equivalency to explain my thinking.

Personally, I wouldn’t put someone else on the seeds, but it sounds as though OP wants to…

This 🙄

If you want him to marry you put it in your name. See if that makes you a more attractive bride. I would be pissed in your place if it did though

Also, are you thinking of your kids in this? A house in your name is their inheritance and possible future financial security.

If you both have children from previous relationships you need to take legal advice to make sure all interests are protected before you make a decision. Say you were to die first and your share of the house went to DP. He could then change his will so that only his DC inherited and your’s were left out - what would happen if he married the asset might end up with his wife and all children miss out. Likewise you could do the same if you outlived him.

That"s right, rent is a cost, mortgage is a debt, the house has been gifted to the OP, the OP owns the house. The rent was paid to the previous owner, the family member who is gifting the house.

I’d be considering your relative financial positions aside from the house and what’s likely to happen in the future. E.g. if he has massive cash savings, one child who will inherit millions from their mother and a large final salary pension but you have no pension and four children who’ll inherit nothing from their Dad then I would be inclined to keep it in your name. Whereas if he’s spent his entire divorce settlement doing up the house, has no pension and your children will inherit from elsewhere I would split it 50/50.

They weren't paying for the property, they were paying their landlords in exchange for a place to live. The slate is clean at the end of each month.

the gift to OP is separate from that. She is not required morally or legally to give it away.

Well I guess it boils down to whether you want to be fair or to serve and protect you own interests. Because sometimes we can't do both and have to decide based on the weighing up of various factors.
If your relationship is strong and you love and trust your partner, then you may be more motivated to do what's fair. If however you have doubts or worry that things between you could change in future (always a possibility!) you'd do better serving yourself.
If you do decide its 'your' house, I'd prepare for some push back from him though. As from his position it won't look great either for your feelings about him now, or your confidence in your future. Will your relationship survive that?

50/50 on condition he puts a ring on it. Happily ever after.

It depends whether you value your relationship or not.
If my 16-year long partner did this to me I would be heartbroken and leave them.
You've been an equal financial partnership for 16 years, if my partner then cut me off like this I couldn't see past it.
In my marriage there have been times when I supported DH as he was out of work or low earning, and that has been more than repaid in full many times over when roles were reversed.
If he had turned round to me and said he wouldn't, I would have thought he was cruel.

It depends whether you value your relationship or not.

Ridiculous. People need to take the maudlin emotion out of these decisions and stop using money/property as a measure of how much others 'value their relationship.' What a pernicious attitude.

OP needs to first and foremost value herself, her security, her autonomy, her children. The boyfriend can take care of himself. If he were being given a house I would say the same.

one last question from me. What does the person gifting this want to do?

OP has stated that for 15 years they have shared the costs of living in the house and all repairs/renovations. OP also had debts that prevented her from getting a mortgage in her name. She may or may not be able to get a loan in her name now. It will also be weird for her to get a loan she may struggle to repay by herself for something they could afford together. The whole dynamic will shift for her and for him. I just doubt she can become the sole house owner and keep the status quo of the relationship.

I would look upon this as your DP effectively helped you "buy" a house with their own money yet only you get to own the house.

Given it was the expectation the rent payments were a form of paying for the house and your partner has, it sounds like, put up with a standard of property and a living situation he otherwise wouldn't have chosen and put significant money into the property, I think there is a pretty strong ethical argument that it should be joint.

If your situation with him is precarious then it would probably not be wise to put into his name, but otherwise I think it would be pretty damaging for the relationship (and reasonably so) if you don't.

Its a bit like the prenup thread.
What's his is mine whats mine is mine.
What he gets i get half.
One thread a lady wanted to get divorced so she could keep all the assets her family left,as she doesn't want her husband to have any of it.

Other prenup thread one woman said well if her husband gets given anything via family she wants half end of.
Its mumsnet double standards.

She is giving her partner no more rent to pay, that is a cool gift and a loving gesture, especially in a COL crisis?

I think in balance, based on what you say, I’d probably lean towards giving your partner a charge in the house for X amount that reflects the contribution so far to main development works done.

The op herself said it's being gifted because of all the rent and upkeep they paid so it's not that clear cut really at the end of the day.

If you do register it 8n both names be sure to sever the tenancy so you each own half, not jointly own the complete house.

I don't think it's maudlin emotion.

It's acknowledgement of the sacrifice her DP has put in in the expectation of a joint property at the end - forgoing buying somewhere because of OP's inability to get a mortgage, putting up with a house in a poor state of repair and sinking significant money into the property. Had he realised that he wasn't considered an equal partner he might well not have agreed to live there for so long.