It's ours not mine - or is it?

[ohthiscouldgetmessy]

Help. This is more for advise than AIBU really. I have rented a house from a family member with my partner for many years, we have probably paid around 50% the current value of the house in rent. We have also spent money on a few bits that needed doing.

Now, here is the tricky bit. I am being gifted the house because we have paid so much in rent and what we have done to it. What we have done, we have done together and will have added value to the house. So essentially what we have paid in rent would have covered the initial purchase price of the property when we moved in. (Due to bad financial decisions by one party we were unable to get a joint mortgage so just continued renting).

Partner is under impression the house will be ours. It is only going to be put into my name as its my family member who owns it. Should I put the house into both our names as we have paid the same into it or would you be looking at the rental paid, expenses paid, take that away from current value and work out percentage? Or just keep it 50/50.

I think 50/50 but want other opinions.

In reality the family member is giving the house to the OP because they are related, not because of the rent paid. They wouldn’t have handed it over to a tenant who was a stranger or even a friend.

It's been gifted to you.

The rent is irrelevant as you would have paid that anyway and it is not payment for the house. You are basically getting a free house.

Following all your updates, I might consider 50/50. Marriage would mean 50/50 of everything you both own, all savings etc. The house would just be the house.

Seeing as you assumed from the beginning that you would one day be given the house, and that he has been there the whole time and paying 50/50 and presumably knew about your assumption (eta: he may not have agreed to put extra money and time in to doing up the house if you hadn’t discussed the house one day being given to you?), I would probably go 50/50 with it.

Although I would also advise going to see a financial advisor because they would likely have insights into the whole situation and potential outcomes in the future that I don’t.

Congratulations on becoming a home owner either way, and well done getting yourself out of debt following your divorce!

Do not put his name on it if you are not married!

You have inherited a house from a family member. Whatever went previously is not really relevant. You are a blended family who havent actually got a child together or a marriage.

For me its black and white. You must protect yourself and your future regardless of where you see your relationship going. You get the house, he gets to stop paying rent.

If you really must feel like you are doing right by your partner, put the house 100% in your name. Calculate how much you have both invested into the house for DIY. Half this for his contribution and that will give you an amount to take out as a mortgage on your house. My guess is it wont be quite the figure you think it is once its halved. Of course he would then need to continue to pay the same rent he has previously as your tennant so essentially he will be paying his own loan. He cant have it both ways where he gets back his money and lives with you scott free.

Do not put it in your partner’s name!! Put it in your name only!!

Also, was your partner the one with terrible credit?

Your partner has not married you - which means they forfeit the financial advantages that being married brings.

If he wanted to marry you - he would have.

If you lived in a different property with your partner and your relative was gifting you this house, you would probably view the gift as being entirely yours and wouldn't randomly give your partner half of it.

If you have kids, it's also their inheritance that you would be giving away.

Do you generally have seperate finances?

If your partner could have bought a property on his own, but didn't in order to help you rent and renovate this place, and if he was expecting you to be gifted this house, then he is (morally) entitled to something in recognition of that. How much you decide depends on the strength of your relationship and individual finances.

I would consider both of your savings and assests and income/ earning potential, now and in the future. If you gave him a 50% share of the house and he left you next year, would you and your children be able to house yourselves?

Do either of you have have savings/ investments etc? It would be madness to give him half of your house if he has signifucant savings/ pension that you aren't entitled to half of, unless you have a similar valve nest egg of your own.

How did you pay for the big jobs? If your credit was poor did he borrow the money? Did you jointly save? Could you have had those jobs done if you had been on your own?

I think I would share ownership although not necessarily 50-50 but to reflect the increase in value since OP and partner moved in. It sounds to me as though the relative was acting as a lender and viewed the rent as repayments towards the loan and so the DP has effectively bought a share.

If your DP hadn’t have been living in this house, he would have been paying rent elsewhere and that never would have led him to owning the place he rented 🤷‍♀️

Also, if he’s never wanted to marry you, it means he’s never wanted to legally combine assets/money etc, so why should he suddenly gain half a house?

It seems he only wants you “for richer” but not “for poorer” and that’s not how marriage works.

No. It doesn’t get to be in her boyfriend/girlfriend’s name.

The house is a gift and the OP is not married.

I would go 50/50, I've been with OH just slightly longer, also unmarried and would do the same if we were in that position.

What difference would being married make compared to years together as if married? Genuine question BTW not being sarcastic!

Has anyone asked how much this rent was? He and his two children would need a 3 bedroom house at least so how much has his half of the rent been in comparison to renting his own house? I bet its been a much lower rate.

You owe it to your children to protect their inheritance like you have been gifted. This is too much to hand over 50/50.

Let's look at it from the other side.
For 15 years he's been in a secure rental with a legal agreement.
Then all of a sudden there is no rental agreement and despite sticking by OP with her financial issues staying renting instead of being able to buy he now has no security whatsoever. She could turf him out tomorrow with no notice.

If you die and you give him 50% of the house it means you’re giving away 50% of your children’s inheritance.

Your boyfriend could have bought his own house. He didn’t.

You need to get legal advice. You already lost everything in one divorce - don’t give away your financial security to a man. It isn’t worth it.

@AndyMcFlurry I'm with you on keep it in her name, but interested in this logic

"What would be relevant is if one of you has given up work to care for the other or to care for your joint children or to do major renovation on the property. None of these seem to be relevant here."

And how it's relevant given you're still dealing with adults who have chosen to live their lives as separate entities free from the rights but also the responsibilities of marriage.

They've chosen not to legally bind themselves anything that flows from that is what they've chosen. I don't see the some choices would get special protection.

He didn't buy because he chose to be with her and they couldn't buy because she couldn't get a mortgage

You do not own property because you paid rent. The house is a gift to you.
You could have been living elsewhere and the house could still be gifted to you.
The house is yours only and you can still ask your partner for rent, if you wanted to.
He has no claim
Just like you wouldn’t have if his parents decided to gift a property to him.

If Dh and I paid for a property for many years and now it was being gifted, I would insist it be gifted to both of us. Assuming we both contributed equitably and we both had been there from the start and paid for the property over the long term.

Why would it not be both of ours? I recognise it’s slightly different legally because we are married, but it was a long term joint financial commitment and we should both benefit from the security it provides.

The fact you both rented it is entirely irrelevant. It’s a gift for you. For •your• security. You would be mad to give half of it away.

And if you’ve got credit problems, what are you going to do if you split? I would not put the security of my home, especially a gifted home, into the hands of a man I wasn’t even married to.

Together, you’ve put in half the equivalent value of the house. YOU are being gifted the other half.
It makes sense to me, then, that your partner should have a 25% stake, and you 75%.
If you marry, you could review if you then wanted to. Your partner will continue to benefit by not having to pay rent, which he can save to increase his future security.
If it were me in this situation, I’d be more than happy with that…

It's your house. I wouldn't sign half away but I would do a life interest deed on it so he can live there if you die.

Yep

its as if a woman giving up something deserves recompense, while a man giving up being able to buy his own house due to the op’s debts does not…

No, they have not "put in." They paid rent. As they would have anywhere else.

Subsequently, the OP's relative decided to give her the house, because they are relatives. The boyfriend isn't. It would be foolish for the OP to give up 100% ownership of a property, especially since the other owner could break up with her at any time. (Everyone thinks "it will never happen to me" until it does.)

Compensate him for his share of the new windows or whatever, by living him live rent-free going forward, but do not put him on the deeds.

Ignore anything that's been paid so far. If you do put it only in your name, what would you expect to happen in future if major repairs become necessary? Could you afford them by yourself? He would probably no longer be willing to contribute to an expensive roof repair or expensive renovations for a property he has no stakes in. I would be very reluctant to put him on the deeds if I were you. But if I was him, this would definitely also change the dynamic.