It's ours not mine - or is it?

[ohthiscouldgetmessy]

Help. This is more for advise than AIBU really. I have rented a house from a family member with my partner for many years, we have probably paid around 50% the current value of the house in rent. We have also spent money on a few bits that needed doing.

Now, here is the tricky bit. I am being gifted the house because we have paid so much in rent and what we have done to it. What we have done, we have done together and will have added value to the house. So essentially what we have paid in rent would have covered the initial purchase price of the property when we moved in. (Due to bad financial decisions by one party we were unable to get a joint mortgage so just continued renting).

Partner is under impression the house will be ours. It is only going to be put into my name as its my family member who owns it. Should I put the house into both our names as we have paid the same into it or would you be looking at the rental paid, expenses paid, take that away from current value and work out percentage? Or just keep it 50/50.

I think 50/50 but want other opinions.

For all legal and financial purposes, they are housemates.

This. .Maybe morally wrong not to put in both names, but legally safer.

They have no legal connection. They are essentially housemates

We talked about marriage when we first got together and were in the honeymoon phase and he was up for it, more him than me.

He has since said he doesn't want to get married. I don't want to get married either.

We keep our finances separate and split everything down the middle bills wise. I am happy with this arrangement, I don't need to justify what i spend my money on and not does he. He has more in the bank as I am impulsive and he is a saver. Me being impulsive is what got me into a financial mess in the first place, which I have since sorted out and am building my credit.

I feel because we have put the same into the house thinking we would end up owning it I feel I need to do 50/50. However, reading some of the comments on here I get your points about my children losing part of their inheritance. It's going to get signed over to me anyway in the first instance, I think I will just leave it at that and see what happens after that.

Smart decision OP, there is no way in hell I’d give half a house to a man who doesn’t want to marry me!

Agreed

I would keep the house in my name only. I would view the fact you’ve rented and done some bits to the house as irrelevant to going forward. It’s really the same as if you had rented another house and then be given this one, in that scenario it would just be in your name. Personally I would want to protect the house for my children and if asked I would lie and say the relative has insisted it’s in my name and stays that way. Its actually better you aren’t married, makes it much easier.

I feel because we have put the same into the house thinking we would end up owning it I feel I need to do 50/50.

But surely if "we" were going to own it then perhaps best that "we" had married?

He has taken a risk that you would still be together when (just) you were gifted the house & that you would give him some ownership!

I think your plan is a good one & tbh I'm pretty sure if I were you'd I'd be keeping the house for me & my kids.

Going on this OP, that you have completely separate finances, he has more money than you, and neither of you has an intention of getting married, I think the only logical thing is to keep it in your name to protect yourself and your children.

He will have security and a rent free home while you are together, and if he pushes for anything more I would be questioning why, as long as you have a will which looks after him if anything happens to you, owning half the house in name will ONLY benefit him if you split.. that isn't a reason to do it IMO.

I do think you have to think about what would happen if you split.. could you afford to buy him out of his half, or would the house have to be sold? Could you afford to buy somewhere with your half? Or would you end up renting again?

No one ever intends to separate, but when you aren't married and can walk away from each other at any time, there is absolutely no reason to financially tie yourselves together in this way.

We keep our finances separate and split everything down the middle bills wise. I am happy with this arrangement, I don't need to justify what i spend my money on and not does he. He has more in the bank

@ohthiscouldgetmessy do you see yourself as having equal dibs on what he has in the bank???

Fwiw I am in a similar position to you (I own the house my partner and I live in). We are not going to marry and I am not putting his name on the deeds, however I have written my will in such a way that he will always have somewhere to live should I predecease him.

She also doesn't want to marry him.

This is also true from her posts, yes.

still doesn’t give him a right to half her house!

All the more reason.

They don't want to get married.
They each have children. .
They have no shared children.
They have separate finances.
He has more money.
He has benefited from low rent.
He will now benefit from no housing costs.

He's got a great deal and she would be out of her mind to sign over half her house to him.

Smart decision, OP.
I think thinking about the house as his rent-free home for as long as you're together (and potentially if he outlives you - easily arranged with a Will) is the right way to approach it. Making half if it 'his asset' irrespective of your future relationship is not necessary.

Good choice OP

Kindly meant OP, signing half a house over to a man with savings, who didn't want to marry, where you split things 50/50, would IMO, be yet another SHIT financial decision.

You have no business giving him anything.
He has had the benefit of 15 years cheap rent.
No one forced him to stay with you.

He's had a great deal.
Your children deserve good financial decisions from you.

It's a tough world out there.
Let YOUR children benefit from you learning from your mistakes.

Your financial mistakes cost you dearly.
Don't let this be ANOTHER stupid mistake.

Don't allow this to be ANOTHER huge regret.
Don't act in haste, and repent at leisure.

Men do not make these big, stupid, emotional gestures that cost them dearly.

Only women do it.

Your family, your inheritance, your house, your childrens inheritance.

I would break up with someone rather than ever put my childrens housing security at risk.

He has savings due to cheaper rent.
Really wishing you well.

Men do not make these big, stupid, emotional gestures that cost them dearly.
Only women do it.

That's one of the most stupid things I've ever read.

Wherever your DP lived he would have had to pay rent - whether it be with you or on his own. Does not entitle him to a share in the house.

Good choice OP. Gifting him half the house in your lifetime has no possible advantage to you. All it does is gives him a right to half your asset if you split. Why would you willingly disadvantage yourself like that? He benefits regardless by you as a couple having no housing costs in the future.

She doesn't want to marry him! Not everyone wants to be married!

I would actually have it in your name and your children's. You can say that it was gifted that way. But remember that he isn't going to pay towards purchases and repairs to the house going forward.

You still havent clarified if "we would end up owning it" means you specifically agreed to this or that you both assumed or did your partner just assume.

Was it an agreement including the original owner or did it just get assumed by all concerned.

I would actually have it in your name and your children's. You can say that it was gifted that way. But remember that he isn't going to pay towards purchases and repairs to the house going forward. You never know if you separate and he takes half the house. I would not go 50:50 with him. Ts happened before and left you in a bad postion. You want to keep it for the childrens inheritance too. I'd keep it in mine and my children's names.

I suppose as you've both paid for it up to now it would only be fair to have in both names. Then again it's your gift, would he do the same? Xx

He's made quite clear he doesn't want to be tied to you financially.
There's your answer surely.
Both bave your own stuff.
The house is yours. Keep it as such.

Don't be naïve and think by sharing it with him he will love you more or not leave you or want to marry you. You need that security for your own and your kids lives. Please don't be foolish. You may never get a windfall like this again.