Trigger warning - Can I please hear from people who witnessed DV as a child at home (if you’re comfortable to share)

[NeedingASafeSpace]

I’m relatively fresh out of a domestic abuse relationship. I wondered if I could hear off people who experienced Dv as a child and how it affected them to keep in my mind for my weak days of flaking nd messaging me POS abuser. I won’t be doing this but I won’t doubt I struggle with days like today where my mind plays tricks “what if the kids just don’t see it” “they never really seen anything” etc etc.them seeing one thing is too much please don’t think and judge me for having these thoughts as I feel I am withdrawing coming off drugs. Even though I do not love him or even like him I feel some form of addiction. If you feel comfortable enough I wondered please can you share your stories I hope this isn’t taken in the wrong way. To anyone who has experienced DV as a child I am so sorry❤️

Even though my DM left her abusive dad and jumped straight into another abusive relationship, I still blame her for staying, knowing he also put me through hell. Well done for leaving.

DM to DF violence. I hated, and still hate, shouting. The not knowing what was happening, being scared to leave my room, feeling alone and no one to talk to about it. Saw violence, remember sitting in class thinking I don't know if DM will be alive after school.

Made me a people pleaser who takes on fixing other people's problems like I think I can and must save the world. Felt like it was my broken secret and not very proud of what I'd come from. Felt maybe it was me and I wasn't enough. Very hard to understand why DF stayed and expected us to live through it.

I made a decision that it stopped with me, possibly partly why I'm single in mid 40s - I could only afford EMDR in my 40s which has been life changing, and I'm finally at peace in myself.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

It was this, OP. The Freedom programme.

There's an online version of the course, if that's easier. I really think you'd benefit from it. Right now you're using your children as a way to shield yourself from abusive relationships, and I understand the "do it for them" mentality, but I think you need to focus on yourself. Learn to do it for you, too. Stay away from him because you deserve better too.

If you heal yourself, the kids will get exactly what you're trying to give them now: the peaceful childhood they deserve. It's a win-win.

Good luck. You've got this 🌺