Really struggling with tech for 7 year old

[Gonesocoldsosuddenly]

Dd doesn’t have any tech-no tablet, phone etc. We’ve managed to get away without it until now, but now two of her friends have phones 🙄 and she wants to ask santa for a phone, I’ve told her that he won’t bring one as 7 is too young..way too young
We allow Dd to play games on our phones occasionally, under our supervision, but she’s asking more and more.
Do I have to give in and get her a safe tablet with just a few games on? Is that better than using our phones to play games?
I’d rather she didn’t have any, but it’s getting harder and harder to say no.

What tech do you have for your child (if any) and what age are they? What would I be best doing? What rules do you have/how often can they use them?

Ours (8 and 5) both have the Amazon Kids tablets. We control the games that go on them, and they are stored out of reach. They have to ask us if they want to go on them. They both do maths homework on them.

The setup works for us.

No chance of a phone before they hit year 6, which seems to be the practice at their school.

I thinks its totally fine op. Get her basic ipad or tablet. Allow her 20 mins a day.
We found tablet handy to use for mathematics games, spelling apps.

@AmberSpyware I get what you're saying, DH works in IT, but it isn't the world our kids will be in. They will need to understand how to get the best from the black box apps they are presented with. They are learning the concepts, understanding that their button pressing is sending commands to allow them to connect to and access other systems of information, and how to do that safely, what it's sending back to your system etc. My older DC already use their tablets to manage their bank accounts and everything to do with school and college. That's how things work now. A personal tablet they carry with them is much more functional than a family PC and much easier for them to run their lives on.

OP you can make phones and tablets as locked down and child-safe as you want to. People are being melodramatic here, occasional use of your phone is fine with your supervision but it'll be much easier for you to get them a tablet and make it child safe. Mine can't get online, download anything, interact with anyone and it switches off when I've set it to, which I can change from my phone at any time. It is safer than the TV.

So if I got an old ipad, I could download all the games we think are appropriate and set to no wifi use so she can’t download youtube etc? and set a time limit on it?

Oldest is 9 and no tech tv maybe 2-3 hours over the weekend normally a film on a Sunday eve, it’s each parents choice you can choose to say no.

What do you think?

What benefit does she get from playing those games? Would she be worse off if you stop her playing them? Would she be better off? How closely do you supervise what she's doing?

Have a think about what value it's adds to her day and go from there.

Yes exactly, or they'll be some apple software that will let you keep the internet access, in case the games need it, but prevent the child doing anything else. We use family link which I think is only android but it means she has a WiFi connection but can't use it to browse online, or download anything or anything like that. With family link you can then set the time limits however you like, it took my older DD several years to realise it was us and not an automatic bedtime her tablet had, so she just accepted when it switched off with no arguments.

Why do you want her to use games op?

I would definitely recommend not having "portable" devices that can be taken anyway and played hidden away. A gaming console in the family room, connected to the family TV that everyone can share and sometimes play together.
I am really annoyed that the Nintendo switch is a portable console at heart as Nintendo definitely make the best family games - but I don't want the DC to be able to play hidden away in their room when I don't realise.

Just say no. So what if he friends parents are stupid enough to give a small child a phone? If they let them drink alcopops, would you then be desperately trying to find ways for your child to do so?

She's 7.

Stop letting her on your phone to play games, tell her they're for adults... She can play board games, do puzzle books and colouring instead.

We have a Switch, not the Switch lite because I was adamant they play it on the TV unless travelling as they seem so much more absorbed with a small screen and it’s great because the kids play together, we can do it as a family, with friends on playdates so it feels very social. DD8 also has an apple watch with cellular for emergency calls and could track her if needs be. She won’t be getting an actual phone until she’s a teen. Mine do also have ipads but they are only for travel and I tend to download movies/TV shows rather than letting them have loads of games.

Our daughter has a kindle that she uses frequently. She will have a brick phone next year (when she’s 9) because she will be walking home alone from school

That’s not really the point I was making

of course we will use apps and tablet technology- I’m not saying everyone needs to set up a giant desktop in their living room and do desktop online banking instead of using your phone

but pretending that kids need practice in becoming ‘IT literate’ by jabbing a touchscreen is silly

tablets are intuitive. You stab. You click. You apply updates. you watch a video of a cat going round on a roomba.

Literal 3 year old children use them competently. Babies jab phones in prams, sadly- knowing exactly what the buttons

no one needs ‘tablet practice’, and people are kidding themselves if they believe that they are imparting some kind of computing knowledge by giving a small child an iPad. When they are old enough they’ll work it all out in an hour. It’s how they are designed.

if you want your child to learn actual computing skills so they can thrive, they need exposure to a real computer

If she’s on your phone anyway so you don’t say no

why not get her a simple ipad and add educational games

and you get your phone back

does she not need /use one at school ?

my 8yr has been doing ttrs - ed shed - other spellings and maths for school via iPad since year 1(now in yr 4)

Mines a year older has a ps5. Does the homework games on my phone. Tried saying all his friends have phones too 🙄 the teacher confirmed this was a lie when I asked

Decide what your actual personal values are around this issue then follow them. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. And then you’ll find it easy to stick to, because you believe it.

if you want your child to learn actual computing skills so they can thrive, they need exposure to a real computer

I agree. Not just exposure though - learning how to type and search/Google and watch wildlife documentaries. With appropriate parental controls, obviously.

My kids all have iPads. They are heavily restricted and we monitor a lot. They aren't on them every day and typically an hour on week days when they are on. We need to cut down weekend time tbh. They use them for homework too.

No phones until year 7 here.

If its just gaming I would get her a Switch light second hand from CEX.

DD had an old iPad. We mostly gamed together puzzle/mystery type game with no ads/skips that took several weeks to complete. We also watched a few things on YouTube together tarantulas, snakes and craft channels. We got so many ideas of things to do at home! From the craft ones, not the crawly ones. She also played Minecraft, but on her own. Since it mostly involved me being with her, she didn’t have limits as such, as it depended on when I had the time/will to engage. No issues with behaviour or coming off it/not going on it so didn’t see the need to restrict it. The apple ID belonged to an adult and she didn’t know the password (still doesn’t at 14 ) , so she couldn’t download anything even if free. Plus the rule was that she always asks. Again, she still does this.

. She had friends with a free for all when it came to tech, and friends that were completely tech free. What other people did was irrelevant.

What really helps is to have an opinion yourself that you can justify and enforce, because you believe in it.

My kids have been allowed tech, both know how to do computer programming and various things most kids wouldnt have a clue how to do so gives them a clear advantage. To much tech is a bad thing, but to seriously limit them disadvantages them too.

My DC are almost 9 and 6. None of their friends have phones. Most have access to a family ipad or computer for occasional games or watching netflix etc. We limit access to these, they don't get them much at all in the week and get an hour on sat and an hour on sunday and not every week.

At our school they ask the children to homework on apps like time table rock star so its hard to avoid tech entirely.

Oh and we do not allow mindless media consumption. There's no

• youtube
• tiktok/insta
• social media of any kind

We also don't allow roblox.

5 and 7 year old. 5 year old has Amazon kindle, 7 year old has iPad, both share a switch

No tech during the week, sometimes on a Friday after school. Then limited time over the weekend

7 year old uses iPad to do apps from school (maths etc - they have class completions), Roblox / app games (heavily restricted) but also things like recording himself singing and dancing and FaceTiming grandparents. Not really interested in switch - may play on it once a month or less

5 year old only interested in switch - to the point of obsession. So this is heavily limited

I work in IT and tech and being able to use tech is a vital skill so I want to make sure mine know how to use it, navigate a device etc and use it for educational / fun purposes. Only using it for games is a no no for us

I don’t really want her to, but she already has been and begs all the time, all her friends do etc. I don’t think playing games occasionally is a bad as having phones & social media, this is just giving her a bit of something without all the rest so many seem to have. We don’t allow YouTube etc, even kids, at least this way I could at least add some educational and drawing games perhaps

Our son turns 11 tomorrow & he's got a switch & a kindle. Never plays games on our phones or a tablet - the switch is for gaming. He's had that for years

I work in tech, worked at Google for a long time & I think the biggest gap for this generation is going to be the ones who have good concentration spans and those who don't. It's really stark by y6. I also see a big distinction between tech for games like minecraft where you still concentrate on achieving something, often with friends or family vs say candy crush on a phone.