Unwell Father Removing Shoes

[CyanSloth]

Hi All
Long time lurker but first time poster. Unfortunately myself and my other half have had a disagreement which I wanted some perspective on. We generally operate a no shoes house policy which has been somewhat harmonious. My elderly father (who’s had several falls over the last few weeks) has generally always been on board and removed his shoes. This evening, he was in real pain and despite being offered a chair and slippers he couldn’t remove them and winced at the thought - not wanting to push him as he’s already elderly and unwell I allowed him in with shoes. Am I being unreasonable in making this exception for one member of my family who’s struggling with their health? I’ve also offered to mop the floor after he leaves to be supportive of my OHs views. Interested in perspective here as I feel I’m going to have to push my elderly father to do it each time he’s struggling and that feels uncomfortable.

Not unreasonable at all.

The sketchers easy ons are very good though. They were a game changer for my dad. I remember taking him to a medical appointment and all the men his age had that same pair of shoes on, it was amusing.

Yeah, you're not wrong there. He seems like he doesn't care about the poor guy regardless.

Man alive, your OH sounds like a colossal cunt.

YANBU. Your dad needs to keep his shoes on.

My mum has had foot/leg pain issues for years and has to wear shoes. Her shoes stay on regardless of people’s rules. If she takes them off she can’t walk around. I think the only exception would be if her shoes were dirty or muddy. If they were she’d take them off, clean them and put them straight back on.

OH is a massive dick.

I won't be asking my Dad to remove his shoes. He is too unwell and it's unfair to ask him to do it when he struggles so much. I'll clean up once he's left but this is non-negotiable and I won't be discussing it further.

Or wipe the bottom of his shoes before entering the house

is this a fucking joke? As if life isn’t hard enough for those with mobility issues, they now have to be degraded by having someone wipe the soles of their shoes before they visit their child?

Shoes on inside, occasionally, is really not a big deal. Do people spray dettol on people’s clothes if they’ve travelled in the tube and will be burning all kinds of germs in on their clothes? Bloody hell, people can be ridiculous.

DF is starting to struggle with this.

You have slip on style shoes that are easier to take on and off, but if it's getting up and down from sitting that is the issue, then really you only have the option of shoe covers for carpets or letting it slide.

I personally would find it hard seeing someone struggle physically and still insisting they do it.

Both of my grandparents’ homes as were many other family members were shoes optional homes for this very reason. We had several family members and friends who were older and/or had mobility issues.

Agree 100%. I never knew such a thing existed before discovering MN. I don’t know one single person who has this rule and I visit many houses every week. Would never ask anyone to remove their shoes before coming into our house either. The world has gone mad.

Shoe covers are a slip risk if you’re frail. And you have to get the bloody things on. People, don’t do this to your elderly.

if Skechers work, great. But if you have weak joints they are too floppy to be supportive.

This thread is an eye opener about the cluelessness of the gen pop about disability.

I'd like to know what your DH would have done with me for 2 years after having a stroke. I took me 20 minutes to put my shoe on !

From what I’m gathering they both operate a non shoe policy

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I prefer no shoes in the house and I always take mine off if I go in someone else's but I make an exception for my elderly mum. She actually prefers to take hers off too but can't always manage it.
Honestly, keeping the carpets nice is great but not at the expense of someone's health and well being.

It's a falls risk

Oh this thread is triggering a previous job where I worked from a "family office" in the house. It was a shoes off house. The PA changed into slippers every day. I could not bring myself to wear slippers at work. I kept my shoes firmly on. The floors were not carpeted. And the housekeeper mopped -all day every day-

Of course he can keep his shoes on. But if he is struggling to get them on and off can you look at finding him some that are easier to wear?

You make it sound like you think your mils behaviour should be the standard for everyone, or like you think because she chose to manage it then it’s not that hard.

OP says that she offered to mop floors after he’s gone so it’s the scenario you suggested of cream carpets. Personally, if I wanted people I love and care about to visit me and feel welcome in my home, I’d consider this in my choice of flooring, if I wanted to choose a cream carpet while having children and guests etc, then I’d have done so knowing how hard they are to clean and keep looking nice.

My best friend is very similar to your mil, she’s got really poor mobility but she puts herself through multiple extra cleaning tasks every day because she also has severe dirt and germ related OCD.

I have the same physical disability she does but it’s more advanced, alongside another that can cause me to faint when leaning forward and the way she goes on makes me feel like I’m not welcome. She is one multiple heavy pain meds, morphine, fentanyl etc and thinks that I should go on them too so that taking my shoes off isn’t as painful, she thinks because she still managed, that everyone with her disability should be able to do it, she has turned her elderly family away if they’re unable to take their shoes off on her doorstep. She’s had a couple of falls herself when putting shoes on and off, so you’d think she’d understand why her elderly and disabled family want to reduce risks. She then moans that nobody wants to spend time with her.

@CyanSloth Tell your DH he's a prick of the highest order. Perhaps he might reflect on his self righteous cuntery when he's old, ill and in pain.

I think its unreasonable to have people remove their shoes for a hard floor at all.

agreed