Unwell Father Removing Shoes

[CyanSloth]

Hi All
Long time lurker but first time poster. Unfortunately myself and my other half have had a disagreement which I wanted some perspective on. We generally operate a no shoes house policy which has been somewhat harmonious. My elderly father (who’s had several falls over the last few weeks) has generally always been on board and removed his shoes. This evening, he was in real pain and despite being offered a chair and slippers he couldn’t remove them and winced at the thought - not wanting to push him as he’s already elderly and unwell I allowed him in with shoes. Am I being unreasonable in making this exception for one member of my family who’s struggling with their health? I’ve also offered to mop the floor after he leaves to be supportive of my OHs views. Interested in perspective here as I feel I’m going to have to push my elderly father to do it each time he’s struggling and that feels uncomfortable.

Thank god another sane person! Why on earth would you expect people to take their shoes off, unless they had just walked in dog poo or similar?

Shoe covers? In a home? I can't believe I'm reading this. It's not a clean lab environment.
I'm very relaxed about shoes indoors unless they are muddy. What's the issue? What do people think will happen?

I’m a bit curious about no shoes thing: I understand taking them off for comfort or if they have mucky or wet soles and as a general rule to protect carpets getting dirt into them - but I’d not make people with regular clean shoes take them off if they don t want to. What is the fear? Do people plan to eat from the floor? When you stay in a hotel or spend the day at the office etc do you take off your shoes there too on entry into the room?

Jesus Christ people are so weird about shoes on in a house! Surely your father’s comfort and health is more important than a bit of dirt on the floor!

Some people have young children that play on the floor and yes they might put their toys in their mouth.
I am fairly strict about no shoes but I would not have asked someone who was struggling o take their shoes off.

My SIL.has a no shoes policy and says very forcefully" please take shoes off" every bloody time. She has a basket of manky slippers by the door that you are supposed to wear ( they've been worn by multiple other people). Her best friend has just got a dog. It's a rescue with anxiety and she takes it everywhere. SIL allowed it in the house the first time so now it comes everytime. It puts its shitty arsehole on SILs furniture. I do enjoy her horror/ total inability to say anything.

Also wondering if it's a cultural issue rather than cleanliness/hygiene?

Shoes are safer than slippers for the frail elderly. Floppy dressing gowns and unstructured slippers are said to be implicated in a lot of falls.

People are so ignorant about disability and mobility issues. The taking shoes off thing is really hard for a lot of people, including me, and I don’t look obviously disabled. A chair is rarely provided and for a lot of us getting to standing is really difficult. I have nerve damage, plus very little padding on my feet so it’s agony. I also have to wear very supportive lace ups. It can be quite complicated. I second what everyone has about shoe covers and slippers etc, just no. Yes, I know lots of people it’s cultural (including my own non-English extended family). But generally, forcing people to take their shoes off makes people look like the kind of person who’d follow you round with bleach spray and cover their sofas with polythene.

What the actual fuck? 😳
You OH is a class A belled 🔔 👎 😠

My elderly father (who’s had several falls over the last few weeks).
😨
So your poor old dad was allowed to keep his shoes in this time? 🤔
Well that was lucky for him! 😬

I’ve also offered to mop the floor after he leaves to be supportive of my OHs views.

Heaven forbid he takes his shoes off, has a fall, then there is blood all over the floor!?
Then you really would have to put some elbow grease into mopping up! 😠
I would be shoving that mop right where the OH's sun doesn't shine!
Jesus wept 😭

Your OH is a twat. 💯 😡 😤
Let your dad wear the shoes without a fuss, poor bloke.

How is someone with mobility difficulties supposed to put shoe covers on?
And how likely is it a child will pick up shoe germs by putting a toy that has been on the floor in their mouth. Do you wipe your child's hand every time they touch a piece of equipment in the park,

Your poor dad, of course you let him keep on his shoes!

Does your husband also expect police, electricians, council workers to remove their shoes?!

He sound uptight and unpleasant. And why are you pandering to him?

Oh, and my sister told me the story - in Spain - of a woman who's kids were always having health problems.

The doctor concluded by saying "Senora, your children need Vitamin B.

Bacteria. It stimulates the immune system.

Of course he doesn’t need to remove his shoes! Who is expecting him to?

I can’t believe that, under the circumstances, you would even question whether it was unreasonable to expect your father to remove his shoes. Of course you should ignore your usual rule for him!

Nothing gives me the ick quite like panicky shoes-off neuroticism.

I get bleaching doorframes & sex towels vibes.

The fact that your DP can’t unclench sufficiently to make an exception for an elderly person in pain would suffuse me with breakup levels of contempt and loathing I’m afraid.

My husband would be told pull your head out your arse and stop being so ridiculous, the fact you can't see how terrible this is says a lot

I’m on the fence about this.

My MIL absolutely hated shoes in the house. She because elderly and had severe mobility issues and cancer that was widespread. She never ever wore shoes in her house, or ours, right up until death. In fact, I remember her asking me to use antibac wipes to sanitise the bottom bit of her walking stick that touched the floor outside as she wanted to use it inside. She didn’t want any dirt from outside to be on the floors inside.

was your father only on hard washable floors, or was he on white/cream carpets with shoes? I have to say that I think it’s unacceptable to walk in outdoor shoes on a light carpet. It’s essentially uncleanable.

Em no. You're not being unreasonable at all. I can't believe you're even questioning that. Your OH is being unreasonable. Tell him that your dad's welfare needs to come first. I doubt it he'll make that much of a mess anyway

That's a great suggestion to the current issue.

As someone else noted, he's probably struggling at home too. I've got advanced degeneration in both hips with associated loss of movement (at least 75% reduction in range of movement), shoes kill!

Things you can get him to help:

• google sock putter onner - really technical name but there's snifty things so you don't have to reach your toes. I've attached a pic of the one I use
• find some shoes that don't have laces. Skechers, whilst not the epitome of fashion, are brilliant for this. Really comfy soles (got them after tearing my plantar fascia) and you can get slip on versions which I use all the time.

If anything in my house is more imporant than causing issues to an elderly or anyone with physical issues then I would need my head examined

"dad/anyone it doesnt matter if you struggle or are in pain my need to keep my cream carpet clean is way more important'' seriously?

I wouldn't ask someone with
mobility issues to wear them, they can be very slippery especially if he wears 'proper' shoes, not trainers).

@CyanSloth your DH is a nasty twat. Mind you the way you talk about 'allowing him in' isn't much better. I'm surprised he bothers to visit.

My point was this was elderly MIL’s choice in her own home. She was the one suffering and dying but never once did she wear shoes in her own home. She just couldn’t abide shoes inside.

I've had times when I have been on two sticks post surgery. All my friends have completely understood that it is not the time to take my shoes off. If they hadn't I would have gone away and thought less of them. Haven't these people ever heard of reasonable accommodations? And anyone who is so germphobic that they would ask OP's father to take off his shoes needs professional help.

Yes. People with mental health issues can be very selfish.

Eh? Bacteria aren't vitamin B