telling child Elf on the Shelf isn’t really

[toastofthetown]

Academic for me at the moment because mine is still a baby, but I really don’t want to do Elf on the Shelf. I hate the surveillance aspect of Father Christmas anyway without bringing an elf snitch into the house. But they are so popular, I’m sure my child will ask at some point why we don’t have an elf so would I be unreasonable to say that we don’t have an elf because the elves aren’t real and it’s the parents doing it all? I’d say not to say anything but children do talk among themselves. I don’t want to spoil any other family’s magic who love it, but ultimately it’s the reason we won’t have an elf and it’s something that won’t make my child feel lesser for not having one.

We do elf on the shelf. It’s never been a surveillance thing, just a fun elf that visits. We don’t do massive messes or elaborate pranks. Just fun stuff. It is, short of Christmas Day itself, the most magical part of Christmas for my kids. They talk all year about what the elf got up to last year and when he will be back. The elves in stores they’ve decided are just toy versions, just like toy dogs versus real dogs. We’ve never really pushed the “real” aspect, we won’t be going to great lengths to keep them believing once they start to question things. I think my eldest is getting to the stage where he believes because he wants to, which is where I can remember being as a preteen.

Never done the elf in this household. DC have never queried why we don't have one. If they had asked Id have said something like not needing it in this house as I knew they were good.
I'd never be able to follow up with all the palaver that goes with it (and the clearing up after escapades) , even if I had a set of prompt cards to help me set the scenes.

My (adult) DSis who has no children has an Elf and her DH sets up scenes for her every morning. Must be love.

We don’t. And when asked, I said, “in this house snitches get stitches” (well, an age appropriate version).

And having a bloke telling on your kids while behaving poorly is the most batshit thing, it’s not magical it’s weird.

Just say theyre really good so haven't been allocated one. They get extra presents

Just don't do it.
My DD has never done it with her children because she hates it, and I know a lot of other parents who also find it creepy/weird. It just seems to have become one of those things some parents like to boast about on social media. But it's not a necessary part of Christmas like a Christmas tree.

You don't have to do it.

Don't you think most children already realise it's not real?
They see the elves on sale in the shops. They will know that the one sitting on their shelf isn't a real elf that can move around by itself.

The majority of parents don’t do it. And for those that do, I suspect that in most cases the children, if they’re over the age of about four) are 100% aware that it’s the parents doing it. I think most kids enjoy it as a ‘let’s pretend’ game, not because they think it’s a real elf.

Just be aware that sometimes the teachers do the elf at school too.
Just explain that people believe different things, and for you the elf is not real.

I did the elf, still 😂, told mine when they were very little that elves only came to the house of good children to mess around and make them laugh. There was no surveillance, and only naughty elves pop in , as the other ones are too busy in the workshops anyway.

I am sure mine didn't believe very quickly, but they still find it fun.

You don't have to do anything, I never did Christmas Eve boxes etc.. ,never occur to me my kids would be left out. We are all different

Children are a lot cleverer than you think.

What’s the surveillance thing all about? Had no idea! He was just a naughty elf, we’d position in the morning doing something naughty. My daughter loved it and there was quite a lot of chatter in the playground about what the elves had been up to.

My pal told her kids that the elves only come to kids who are close to being put on the naughty list lmao

We do too, it's not a surveillance thing at all (I didn't even know about that side of it till this thread!) I was completely against it but decided one year to try it when dc were 1 and 4 and it has stuck. I love seeing them search for the naughty elf every morning. Their little faces light up!

I always told mine that the children who got an elf hadn’t made it onto the good list yet, and needed extra support. So they were happy to not get one as it meant they were already on the good list 😂

It's pathetic made up shite. Donate to one of the smaller charities. Be of some value and worth.

Never done it and it’s never been an issue. I always use the line that everyone celebrates differently.
They are the dullest thing tbh, totally coincided with social media showing off becoming a thing and it’s so boring seeing people do it year after year desperate to be the funniest/quirkiest/most outrageous. Then the faux moaning about it when it’s a choice they made and they could stop at any time!

some people do it to tell the children they are being watched.

I find it a bit odd, never done that bit either, it's just a new prank every night, the kids find that funny - and love going round the house to find out where he got up to that night, even when they don't believe at all anymore

We got an Elf Door, the kids spent a few days waiting for him to arrive which killed a bit of time. Then we did it periodically, said he travels to other houses. He left immediately after Christmas along with his door.

Tell you dc whatever you want to and don't worry about your dc "ruining" it for other children by saying its not real, there was always someone in ds's class saying that Santa wasn't real either, most parents are capable of dealing with that without making a drama of it.

We always kept it very simple, no elf, no special wrapping paper, no Santa footprints made of flour etc, we never confirmed Santa was either real or not, and left him to work it out for himself. He's 21 now and still verbally spars with me asking if Santa is real or not in the run up to Christmas to see if I'll admit it.

Thankfully many children don't find it boring at all and it's a fun thing to do.
You know they especially like it when they tell their friends about it at school, and it goes back to you via the mums 😂

Easter bunny is boring, tooth fairy is boring.. everything could be boring if you are a grumpy person 😂

DC is 10 and I’ve never done it. Did ask a few years back and I just said no. He knew from last year that Father Christmas wasn’t real, which felt very strange as hoped would hold on believing for a bit longer.

Just don’t do it. Create your own family traditions. Ideally ones that don’t involve lying to your kids.

my gosh people are miserable

Bringing a bit of magic in little kids life.. I don't know anyone who feels offended they believed in Santa when they were little.

You only need to say "we don't do the elf in this house. Some people do, some don't and we don't." Dc might ask why so you could say "I don't like the idea/don't like it/have enough to do already/wouldn't you like an advent calendar instead/we have other plans for Christmas" or anything like that.

Some kids have the capacity for critical thinking before others and can see all the discrepancies of Christmas and work it all out. Others don't, or don't want to see the truth however obvious.

@blankcanvas3 You really don't have to participate if you don't want to. You're the boss, not dc. Feeling your child gets the say in these things is a slippery slope you don't want to go down, start laying down your law now while she's still very young. This is YOUR gig, she gets to say what happens when SHE is the parent and not before!

Maybe say something like ‘parents choose whether they need or want an elf in the house. I don’t think we want one because I trust that you’re well behaved.’

That way there’s no lies, they can’t tell other kids that it’s not real, and you’re making them understand that you don’t want to spy on them?