To not want to be naked in sauna

[lollypoppy123]

I’m going to a fancy hotel in Germany with an amazing spa but I’ve just found out the spa is textile free which means no clothes whatsoever allowed. I’m really uncomfortable with this as I’ve had a mastectomy and my reconstruction is pretty ugly. Even without that, I’d feel weird being naked with strangers.

Agree. There's nothing wrong with nudity in a sauna but not everyone wants to do that. I'm not prudish but I am private, and so I stick to the swimsuit areas when on a spa trip with my friends, those of us happy to go to the textilfrei sauna do so, and those who prefer not to stay out.

Not every German woman is comfortable with it either - some of my friends will only go if it is a women-only session, and some won't go at all.

I think you will find at least one other person will have had a mastectomy and no one is looking twice at them.
I would embrace it as being somewhere where no one knows you and you won’t ever see these people again and take the “when in Rome…” attitude

I think being uncomfortable about showing a mastectomy scar is quite different to other hangups. I’ve had a mastectomy and would be very uncomfortable with being naked in a spa mostly because I don’t want strangers knowing I’ve had breast cancer. Prior to the mastectomy I would have been fine with this set up despite having a few hangups about my body. I do think you would probably get a few looks if you’ve had an obvious mastectomy- e.g I don’t have one of my nipples and it would probably cause a few people to do a double take just because it’s unusual.

My view on that may well change over time (it’s quite recent for me) but for now I know I wouldn’t be able to relax and enjoy it. It took me a long time to be able to look at the scar myself and then to be able to show it to intimate partners.

That’s not to say OP shouldn’t and it may well be that it’s not a big deal in reality and maybe even quite liberating. I’d love to get to the point I don’t care about it but I know I’m nowhere near that at the moment.

I think if you don't want to go to a naked spa and don't go that's absolutely fine of course, why would you?! But if you kind of want to or don't want to not but fear, anxiety, or even potential discomfort due to cultural norms which don't really apply in the context are holding you back it's better to make the effort and override them because you'll probably be glad you did. And then it's you making the decisions and not your anxiety (or self-loathing in my case but I don't speak for anyone else). If it's definitely you making the decision that it's not your bag then of course you shouldn't be shamed, you should do what you want.

'Revolting'

how rude are you??. This is why so many people are too self conscious to do it.

i presume think you're a perfect 10.

I wish people would stop saying 'just don't look' as if removing your eyeballs is an option. Can people just make it realistic once on a while. If people aren't used to it, they're not used to it and it's not flippancy that will change it.

Oh and when I was last in Germany 3 years ago, there was a lady who had fairly recently had a double mastectomy, scars still very visible and she was at her visit to a spa since, she said it was a weird icebreaker with other women who both were very sympathetic but also had spoken to 2 women who were awaiting surgery and had gone to the spa together having met at the cancer clinic before they had surgery.

I don't know, why are you borderline hostile?

‘Textile free’ is a great euphemism. I’ve never heard it before.

Nobody is shaming anyone for not wanting to be naked, though I've seen some questionable language used regarding naked human bodies. Don't want to go to a naked sauna? Don't go.

Is it normal in Germany for the sexes to be mixed in saunas, or do they have men’s days and women’s days? No way would I be comfortable baring all in front of a bunch of men. Fine with it on ladies days, but can totally see why OP would not be keen.

Hi. I've lived in Germany and used the spas in Germany and Austria which have a similar naked spa culture.

As others have mentioned, it's the concept of swimwear being unhygienic whether or not you agree with that particular idea (I don't agree, but thems the rules). You will be permitted to cover yourself with a clean towel or two - there are always lots of them available and whilst other locals may prefer the fully naked experience, you won't be criticised for using towels as coverage in the sauna. Remember to take a separate clean towel to sit on - you will be criticised for a sweaty bum straight on the wood!

I'm not sure whether there is a swimming pool facility there, but wearing a towel in the pool would not go down so well. In the past I have just rushed into the water and stayed submerged up to the neck until I'm ready to rush back out - being sure to leave my towel closest as possible to the pool steps.

It can, and it is, even though it's not technically correct.

I get that it's wrong, technically, but it's widely used. I'd be prepared to bet that pp was exaggerating anyway.

The hotel ones I have used are mixed. Germans/Austrians really don't view nudity the same way we do. It's no different to showing your legs and arms to them. It would be the equivalent of us seeing someone wearing a tracksuit to go swimming in.
I do find the concept makes me very uncomfortable, but when I have actually done it, it hasn't been so bad. That said, I never spend long in the sauna as they make me faint, I spend longer in the pool or steam room where it's harder to see and be seen!

Look at the floor if you're scared you'll look in the wrong place? That's better than eyeball removal?

Mixed messages here. There is a group saying that no-one looks below faces and others saying that it is empowering to see that there are very few perfect bodies out there. To know this they just have, you know, looked!

Check if you can use the sauna wrapped in a towel, with a second one to sit on. Or if there is a day where swimwear can be worn- I've noticed them in the Netherlands but not sure if they have them where you will be in Germany.

Probably no-one looks, but I can understand the possibility can be just as difficult for you.

I wouldn't be comfortable with that. What are you going to do, OP?

People do look but they don't stare. A brief look in the same way you would notice man from woman, blonde from brunette, obese from skinny or whatever.

And whilst I could try to be reassuring about how empowering it actually feels to do it, ie: go naked (it did for me) I would never try to persuade people to do it if they did not want to or tell them that their discomfort is not valid/wrong/not important.

People aren't all the same.

Vagina is the inside bit.
Vulva is the outside bits - I don’t see why it’s apparently so difficult to understand.

But personally I wish there was a ‘friendlier’ name, the female equivalent of ‘willy’. To me there’s nowt wrong with ‘fanny’ but some people, like a pp, evidently find it ‘vulgar’. I dare say they never call a fart (a perfectly good old English word) a fart, either. IIRC it was good enough for Chaucer…

Hi op,
I'm always late to the discussion so if you don't read this, well, maybe someone else will....

I just wanted to say I understand your situation and why you feel uncomfortable.

If it helps, may I offer up a little bit of insight that I went through?

When I was a teenager I went to visit family in Germany, and I was really taken aback when the family brought me to a beach and all the women started taking their tops off. It wasn't a topless beach, but it's allowed, and my female cousins who were in their late teens, my aunt's, they all started taking off their tops for some sun. And here I am, 16, and I've never seen anyone elses breast before, having grown up in a relatively conservative environment.

It didn't shock me, but I was unprepared, and I was not forced to participate, (my younger female cousins didn't take off their tops either) but the thing that shocked me the most was the fact that nobody was paying any attention.
I thought for sure that all the guys would be all eyes, and they 100% weren't.

So, in a spa that everyone else is going to be nude, yes you're always going to run across some people who are new to this and self-conscious and uncomfortable and I wouldn't blame you because I've actually never been to anywhere that in public, full or even partial nudity was allowed/expected / required but now, in my ripe old fourth decade, I believe that I would participate in something like that because I believe that no one's really looking, no one really cares, no one's really judging you, and that we have to be more comfortable inside our own skin. I understand your reasons for being extra uncomfortable, but I'll be honest with you, to me, women who have gone through mastectomy, I know they're typically more self-conscious but I believe that that's a badge of incredible courage.
You've gone through something so emotionally and physically difficult, you've done it in order to preserve your life/health and it was an incredibly difficult thing that you've been through and I have extreme respect.
Hope that doesn't make you feel more self-conscious.

You don't have to explain it to me, I understand but I was referring to words folk use colloquially.
I don't like the word fanny tbh, but, as I said, I fear pp was exaggerating, maybe having seen a slight hint of below the waist nakedness, and just wanted to be nasty about German folk.

They absolutely would not. In the unlikely event that one would, he would be removed within 5 minutes maximum. And permanently banned.
Sauna is taking seriously, and there are employees around.
Same for women btw - looking and giggling is absolutely not tolerated.
The taboo is absolute.