I don't really know where to post this, but my husband and I need some direction or advice (and I need to rant!).
My husband's brother has been out of work for a decade and has been bankrolled by his parents since then. He is the kind of man who refuses to claim benefits and most jobs are 'beneath him'. He is unpleasant, rude, entitled and often treats his parents (especially his mum) dreadfully.
Now, due to selling the family business my in-laws were fairly well off (private schools for the children, early retirement, nice house, skiing holidays etc) but in recent years, they've become very anxious about money.
Around 3 years ago, he came to them and said he was in 70k of debt and needed help paying it off. We found out that they had to get equity release on their house to cover his debts.
In the last few days, it's come to light that they've given him another 140k (again from the equity in their home), so he has racked up 210k of debt in about 3/4 years. This is in addition to them giving him a sizeable amount to help him buy a flat, and a very generous inheritance from his grandparents (incidentally, a lot more than my husband's, due to the stock market at the time). They have taken him on holiday regularly in the past and paid for everything, whereas my husband hasn't been invited (at least as long as I've known him so over 11 years). Overall, he must've had over 500k since becoming an adult (he's now 40) and he has almost nothing to show for it. We don't know exactly where the money has gone, but he travels a lot and we think there's gambling involved too.
As you can imagine, my husband has been very hurt by this. All of his life he has had to put up with his brother demanding everything from his parents, his rude, entitled attitude and now the financial and emotional abuse of his parents. His brother has threatened to kill himself on a number of occasions in an effort to get his parents to lend him money, and promises to change etc but obviously, this doesn't happen. He says the world doesn't understand him etc etc but it's very difficult to feel much sympathy for someone so unbelievably difficult.
Of course, we understand that it is his parents' money and they can do with it what they like, but is there any way of protecting them from giving him more money? They're clearly terrified of him hurting himself, and my FIL confided to my husband recently that he only has about 3 years of his pension left because of this (he's currently 78 and in good physical health, apart from his very bad anxiety). I feel this behaviour is coercive and we want to try and help them as best we can.
For context, my BIL lives alone (no partner we know of) and has no children. My husband and I live in the south-east with 3 children. He has a good job and I also work part-time while my youngest is not yet school-age, and while we're comfortable enough, we do need to budget every month and have a lot of repairs to do on our house that will be difficult to find money for.
My husband has been very philosophical about the whole situation (he has grown up with being left out of holidays, outings etc), but even he has found it difficult not to be bitter and is so worried about his parents.
I am absolutely raging. I'm constantly battling between wanting to help his parents (as they feel completely stuck) and wanting to scream at them for being so bloody stupid. I'm so upset that my husband is being treated this way by his family for doing everything right. I can't understand not treating your children equally in terms of money. His parents have always been very good to me and are lovely people, but this obvious favouritism makes me so angry.
He has had to come to the realisation that he won't be inheriting anything from his parents, and while we know that inheritance isn't a right, when your parents have had a very luxurious life, and given your brother half a million, I think it's not unreasonable to expect a little to come your way.
Does anyone have any practical advice for this difficult situation or do we have to accept my in-laws are ruined?