To ask how you survive this cold as an office worker?

[ColdToesandWarmHeart]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I am freezing. Down to my bones. I have a heating pad under my jumper and a blanket on me and I finally feel warm for the first time this week.

I have ordered a hot water bottle but I don’t know what else I can do. I’m freezing. I’m on Mounjaro so I think it’s that, but I’m just so miserable.

I am allowed a hot drink. He doesn’t like the kettle being boiled for hot water bottles.

OK let's just say he is uncaring, selfish, with no empathy and understanding that his rules and restrictions make his child very uncomfortable.
How did the conversation go? Dad, I'm freezing, I am going to buy a heated blanket and happy to contribute to additional energy costs.
Him: no, you're not allowed. I want you to freeze.
?

So that makes his behaviour ok, does it?
You're in denial for whatever reason. Posters tell you it's abusive/controlling/ bullying but because it's your norm you won't believe it.

Why aren't you connecting to the other points I made like this would be considered child neglect- no different only you are an adult who has choices and should be able to control their own lives.

Do you pay your parents for living at home?

If you're at work for the NHS you're not getting much done today!

I find it strange that someone who's done mandatory NHS training is unable to recognise abuse and coercive control and resorts to calling those of us who can recognise it "disgusting people".

I think it means that the OP is in a bad way and has normalised abusive behaviour as love, and I worry there are other aspects of her life that are being controlled

she needs to be working elsewhere and living elsewhere

however this could take a long time for her to realise and accept / if it’s all you have known it’s hard to see it as wrong. It’s hard to accept you deserve better.

I have ditched all notion of smart office wear for now (not an issue in my org, imagine it could be difficult depending on organisational policy). Tights under jeans, thermal base layer, jumper, and heated hoodie. Gloves and a scarf too, and a hot water bottle if needed.

I had weight loss surgery a couple of years ago so I absolutely feel your pain, I am really really feeling this cold weather

I grew uo piss poor in the 60,s - we had one gas fire in the whole 3 bedroom house, woke up to ice on the windows and used coats on top of the blankets to keep warm at night

I now live in a house with CH and woodburners and whilst we arent affluent , we heat the house and dont have the foreign holidays

Im thinking you are an adult?

Why are you not saying Dad, Im cold. I will be buying a heater for my room and I will be buying an electric blanket and just going ahead and do so?

That was an adult safeguarding webpage reference. So yes, he can.

Of course you can get up and move. I have worked in so many offices and it’s normal, even encouraged to move and stretch, even if you are customer facing, or in a call centre. If you do computer work, it’s even more essential. I even had a GP at recently where the GP stood the whole time, and had a standing desk.
it sounds as though you are quite rigid in your ways of thinking about things. maybe it would help you to try to relax some of your ways of thinking.

We have agreed that I’ll pay £15 a month extra for an electric blanket.

Ive lost weight as well and Im feeling the cold for the first time ever

Where I work it was 4 degrees this morning, I had on thermal tights, thermal leggings, leggings , jeans, thermal tee, thermal running top, body warmer and zipped jacket - the thermal socks will be added tomorrow as feet got cold

Also hat and gloves on in the car

No, he can’t. He’s not responsible for my care.

So its ok for him to make a profit out of you wanting to get warm?

I really don’t care. He’s not abusive.

It's not just the central heating though, is it? He doesn't like you boiling the kettle, he'd THROW AWAY (your words) an electric blanket you bought... that is controlling behaviour and that type of control is abusive

He doesn’t like me boiling the whole kettle for a hot water bottle.

A hot water bottle will hold a fair of water, it's hardly a waste. Plus if you only put the corresponding amount of water in the kettle then there's no waste; you only pay to heat the amount of water you're using.

This is not about money, or about water, for him. It's about power and control being exerted unnecessarily and with enough fear of consequence on your part that you are adjusting your behaviour to your own detriment.

I'm replying from the NHS myself, and I'm frozen. I have even brought my fingerless gloves to wear and my own little fan heater but the area is so big the heater makes no difference. We have no heaters here except for one oil filled radiator. I have on a long sleeved t-shirt, my uniform tunic, my cardigan, a thick fleece cardigan on top plus trousers etc. We have complained but as usual nobody cares

You can buy a room thermometer from any DIY place - not at all expensive.
You can get a full blood count / thyroid function/vitamin D test from a private lab for not very much money. The way the results are written make it very clear what the normal ranges are, so if the results are concerning you can take them to your GP.
Battery operated heated gilet sounds fantastic.

OP, I am in my early 70s - so like your dad, I also grew up in the 50s and 60s.

We lived in a three bedroomed house with no central heating. There was a coal fire in the living room (later replaced with a gas fire) but no heating in any of the other downstairs rooms and no heating upstairs in the bathroom or the bedrooms. If you needed to heat a bedroom to do your homework in or while studying for GCEs, for example, we would put on a one bar electric heater. When you wanted a bath, you had to put on the emersion heater and wait for it to heat up if someone else had just had a bath.

We lived in the Midlands where the winters were much colder than they are in Dorset, where I now live. There was no double glazing in our house and ice on the inside of windows was common during cold winters. We had no car so often waited for buses to go to school or into town in freezing temperatures. I can remember as a young child crying at bus stops because my feet were so cold.

I now live in a house with central heating and I would not be without it.

Yes, gas and electricity are expensive but I would not deny a child or an adult child living in my house the comfort of a warm room, hot drinks and hot water.

I think you father is being very unreasonable.

Also, if you are restricting your calorie intake to 1400 a day is this enough to keep you warm during cold weather?

Please get your iron levels tested.

No, it’s about him being tight.

For safety reasons, you should not be using boiling water for hot water bottles, it will shorten the life of the rubber and spillages or a burst or leaking hot water bottle may result in serious burns.

I really hope that patients are not waiting for calls from you today OP as you have discussed yourself and your life most of the morning.
Way outside of what would be your 30 mins for lunch you say you get.

If you don't like how it is at home you can either

-Move out and be an independent adult
-Pay more 'rent' at home and use as much heating as you want to
-Do neither and waste your energy and working time on MN!

I think you've been so ground down by this man's behaviour that you can't see how unreasonable he is.

What does he do if you have visitors to the house? Are they expected to sit in a cold house and not offered hot drinks because he considers it's too expensive to boil a kettle for 3 minutes?

Frankly, it's batshit behaviour and I suspect he'll get worse as he ages.

Can you afford a flat share or to lodge with someone? I could not remain in an environment like this.