How do you work your finances

[samwiggle9]

How do people work their homes. I get everyone is different. For context. Out of our overall house hold income.
I contribute 29.9% to the household budget. This is 100% of what I earn.
My partner contributes 29.5% of the house hold budget.
He keeps 36.8% for himself on God knows what.
I keep a whole 3.7% for myself (nail appts ECT)
Now I probably do get a little out of the weekly shopping budget picking up random bits but at this point I'm just going off averages.

Husband works 2 jobs. They both pay pretty well. I have no idea why he goes through the amount of money he does. Before anyone says another woman his work is (don't want to use this word) but trackable. Every minute can be accounted for if I look for it. While a bit does go on his business costs and upkeep of the vehicle he does go through a lot of money.

Off the back of this he does not do a single chore in the house, maybe mows the lawn twice a year at a push. I do everything. Cleaning. Cooking. Lunches. Ironings. I drop out child off at school. He picks him up that's all.

I'm unsure when we fell into this routine it hasn't always been like this probably the last 18 months 2 years but I have bought this up mil times the last year and it's falling on deaf ears and now I'm getting resentful that I'm literally just getting the bare minimum of a treat when I also work hard.

I'm just trying to figure out how to either a approach or b just protect my inner peace. At this point I'm beginning to feel like I'd rather be alone then feel alone.

We combine everything and always have. It doesn't matter if I wasn't earning or who earned what. We were married young, built everything together from scratch, and it's all 'ours' equally.

We also combine everything. We have throughout our marriage including spells when I wasn’t working or was a student. DH earns more than me but it all goes in one pot and we have the same amount of disposable income each to spend on whatever we want. To me it would feel odd not doing it this way especially if kids were involved. My DH has always been the higher earner but he feels we are a family and therefore share everything including the money.

Housework/life admin etc is split more 60% me and 40% him but that’s because I work PT.

It doesn't sound like an even partnership, OP.

It sounds like you do all the domestic labour because he earns more, but without you or your DC and home benefitting from him earning more. I'd ask him to pick his share of the chores up.

Everything shared. Joint accounts, joint property, joint bills, equal workloads, and equal power.

Why women accept such unequal relationships and arrangements is beyond me.

We earn equally now but haven’t in the past. We’ve both had periods of being the main or sole earner. We have always just had joint accounts and spent what we need from that as we need it.

Right now, due to necessity, my DH is the sole earner. I do the bulk of the emotional and mental labour at home due to a situation that needs this (he does contribute equally to housework in the weekends and evenings). I do the bulk of the garden work and cooking, etc. It's all still 'ours' and he pays into my private pension as well. All the same pot.

We combine everything and get equal discretionary money. Child spending does not count towards discretionary spending.

this is the only way to keep things fair unless you manage to maintain an absolutely perfect split of child and household responsibilities. Since my spouse is male and I am female, he can neither gestate or lactate, so right off the bat, there are ways he is going to not be able to contribute. we still try to run an egalitarian household, but we both understand the economics of parenthood.

We have our finances totally separate but that's mainly because he earns less than me (or did before my maternity leave, and probably will when I go back to work) and I've always been the one working longer hours while doing most of the chores, so I'd find it infuriating to do all the work and pay for him to be chilling out. If he was earning more I'd probably want to pool all our earnings, since it's not fair to do all the chores for free!

How long have you been together? Have you proposed pooling all of your money together (I really reckon you should). If you have, what did he say?

You mention you each contribute 29.9%, where does the rest of the money come from?

I’m the main earner and we have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for personal spend (for example buying birthday gifts). We pay what we each consider affordable into the joint. I regularly transfer money to him so he has enough. Tbh we discuss big expensive items and trust each other not to go daft. My siblings have much stricter arrangements with their partners. Like they would transfer the £2.50 for a coffee. I’ve never understood that. You’re a team

I'm a SAHM (for now) so DH's salary pays for everything. His salary goes into a joint account and any savings go into both our savings accounts equally or towards whatever we're trying to save for at that moment. I have full access to all finances.

Housework-wise DH does all the laundry, most of the vaccuming, bins, dishes, cleaning. I do 90% of the cooking, beds. Parenting, I obviously do it all day but DH gets DD ready in the morning before he goes to work and also takes her to swimming and ballet.

The way you've done your figures, you are doing yourself no favours.

Agree.

why are you even with him?

Financially separate but equitable. I earn a fair amount more than he does, so we’ve worked out what our monthly household outgoings (bills and food) are and have a joint account where I deposit 70% and he puts 30% of that total every month.

We also jointly (proportionately) save for fun things like holidays, but everything else is our own to do as we please.

We’ve lived together for years but I’ve been divorced and would never combine finances with anyone again.

We just have one account our salaries are paid into, the bills come out of and we spend from. My DH hardly spends anything on himself tbh. I’m the higher earner yet work 4 days a week and not 5 and partly remote so I do tend to do a higher % of household stuff but he sorts his laundry and does more garden stuff so it probably evens out.

Everything in one account and equal spending power from it. It’s been like that since we married.

DH is the higher earner working 5 days a week as a contractor so his hours can be long. I work 3 days, so I do more household stuff.

Your %s make no sense whatsoever.

I've never understood couples that are married that have seperate finances! What a faff... Surely everything you earn goes into the same account and then you just draw from it as you need for bills rent etc? I couldn't imagine having it any other way, especially if there are kids involved

Another one for the joint pot here. Everything all in together, wages, bonuses etc. Everything gained is ours everything owed is ours. We’ve each taken a turn at being the higher earner over the years ultimately it doesn’t matter who it is it just means our family budget increased.

OP you are being financially and emotionally abused due to the inequality in personal money and domestic effort.

You should have equal personal money and your DH should do more at home, taking into account necessary working hours, but not him choosing to work extra when you don't need the money but him doing it to hoard money for himself or avoid being at home.

Have you tried to talk to him about making your marriage more equal and if so, how did he react?

So together you contribute just under 60% of the household budget? Who contributes the remaining 40%?

Snap, I genuinely don’t know why anyone would accept less.

He’s taking you for a mug. Here’s what I’d say.
”DH, you’re not pulling your weight both practically and financially. We are going to open a joint account and pay in both our full salaries. The household expenses will come out of that and the remaining split between us once savings are taken out. Here’s the household chores that need doing - this is your list, this is mine. Any questions?”
Obviously the money bit is dependent on whether you’ve chosen a less well paid job or to work part time.

This 💯

Your percentages make no sense. Do you have a lodger? A philanthropic benefactor? Do benefits cover the other 40.6% of the household expenses? How do you contribute 100% of your income to the household budget and have 3.7% left for nails?

Get your figures in order so your DH can't poke holes in your arguments because clearly this isn't remotely fair. And you do need to sort it out with him

To answer your question. Everything goes in the joint account and it's our money. Pre kids I brought in double DH's salary. Now he brings in 4x what I do. It makes no difference to us, it's shared money. In terms of household jobs: he cooks every night, cleans the bathrooms, does DIY and we share family life admin.

It doesn’t sound like there is any benefit to you or your dc of remaining married to this man. He’s lazy, selfish, financially abusive, happy to keep you trapped financially, and you don’t like him (I wouldn’t either). For your dc, this is a terrible example to role model. If he has every other wonderful characteristic, then tell him, it’s 50/50 round the house when you’re both home (why wouldn’t it be), it’s 50/50 disposable income (why wouldn’t it be) or you’ll seek a divorce.