How do you work your finances

[samwiggle9]

How do people work their homes. I get everyone is different. For context. Out of our overall house hold income.
I contribute 29.9% to the household budget. This is 100% of what I earn.
My partner contributes 29.5% of the house hold budget.
He keeps 36.8% for himself on God knows what.
I keep a whole 3.7% for myself (nail appts ECT)
Now I probably do get a little out of the weekly shopping budget picking up random bits but at this point I'm just going off averages.

Husband works 2 jobs. They both pay pretty well. I have no idea why he goes through the amount of money he does. Before anyone says another woman his work is (don't want to use this word) but trackable. Every minute can be accounted for if I look for it. While a bit does go on his business costs and upkeep of the vehicle he does go through a lot of money.

Off the back of this he does not do a single chore in the house, maybe mows the lawn twice a year at a push. I do everything. Cleaning. Cooking. Lunches. Ironings. I drop out child off at school. He picks him up that's all.

I'm unsure when we fell into this routine it hasn't always been like this probably the last 18 months 2 years but I have bought this up mil times the last year and it's falling on deaf ears and now I'm getting resentful that I'm literally just getting the bare minimum of a treat when I also work hard.

I'm just trying to figure out how to either a approach or b just protect my inner peace. At this point I'm beginning to feel like I'd rather be alone then feel alone.

@VeterinaryCareAssistant see I think that is different when you have children with other people or not at all, safeguarding your assets makes sense but can I ask if you are happy - do you share ownership of the house.

because it seems you do the chores and pay all your moment and he just works and keeps his money that isn’t being a partner

Not unusual I think?

both put 50% of take home pay into household running and shared costs. DP slightly higher earner but not huge difference.
both keep 50% and split into savings and hobbies/ spending as we wish.
Both do equal amounts around the house.

We combine everything and spend sensibly on what we want but run big purchases past each other.

This has been the case since we first moved in together before we were married and had kids. We earn roughly equally now but there have been times when I've been the higher earner and also times when I've been part-time or on maternity leave.

I understand our finances better than he does so he leaves bigger decisions like new cars, holidays and remortgaging to me by choice.

I wonder if how you start plays a part. We earnt the same when we started and I came in with savings and DH came in with overdraft and student debt which we paid off together. I think my savings bought the first set of furniture. My parents also helped with money towards the house.
fast forward 15/20 years and I earn probably 25-30% (freelance so it is hard to state last year it was more) of what he earns and his inheritance paid off the mortgage and is currently the majority of our savings.

yet it has never been an issue - I mean we got a joint account when we moved in together 9 months in and sharing money has never once been an issue between us - I think both of our salaries went all in from that moment.

it is only fairly recently I don’t have full oversight with them and that is because he is on a Martin Lewis inspired mission to get the bonuses from opening up bank accounts and frankly I can’t be arsed to keep up with that and his retirement spreadsheet!

We have worked out how much our bills and regular payments are and contribute proportionately to what we earn. So I pay slightly over 50%, although I used to pay slightly under before a recent payrise. We then have the same amount each to add into our separate savings and the same amount each as spending money.

We have separate current accounts and a joint savings account, mostly through laziness and not wanting to faff around changing a million different direct debits and filling in forms to change salary payments. I earn a little bit more so the bigger bills tend to come out of my wages while fun stuff and savings comes out of his. But everything else is completely joint. We know each other’s card details and we share our money. It doesn’t matter if he uses his card to pay for the shopping because we’ll use mine to pay for something else. He has a credit card in his name but if I want to use it, I just take it out of his wallet. If I want to buy something the day before payday but can’t afford it, I ask him if he has any money and if he has, I use that. And vice versa. We discuss all large purchases before making them and neither of us would take out a credit card or any significant debt without talking about it with the other. It’s our cash, but it’s also our debt.

He also does 100% of the cooking and shopping, most of the laundry and all of the running around after me (I’m not lazy* I have some medical stuff going on)

*That’s a lie, I’m incredibly lazy

My husband brings home £4000 a month.
I bring home £1000

He gets £400 a month for his personal money and I also get £400 a month for my personal money.

The remaining £4200 goes into a joint pot and every outgoing is paid for out of that.

He earns a lot more than me but everything is equal and money is shared.

One pot.

My pension is roughly the same as OH earns. All direct debit etc come out of my account as I lived here before he moved in. At the end of the week he pays me half of all the bills that I've paid.

We live in a council house but it's his name on the tenancy as he's lived in it since the 90s and I moved in with him.
I am generally happy as I'm honestly not materialistic at all, I literally just want my dogs and animals, but sometimes my situation annoys me, like I needed to replace heat bulbs in my reptile vivariums and they were a tenner each so I had to buy one a month, whereas he could have bought all 4 at once but his argument would be they're my snakes...

However, when he retires in a year or so the boot may be on the other foot as he will have minimal income due to having just a state pension and his inheritance to live off, whereas I will still be working and earning an income and will likely receive my own inheritance sum which will be considerably larger than his.

It'll be interesting to see if he expects me to split bills 50/50 and share money when I become the "wealthier" one.

And if he does I hope you tell him no!

DH out earns me by about 10x.

We share everything- all in to joint account. Neither of us are big spenders though or drinkers etc, so nobody is getting resentful over outgoings. If we wanted something pricey (rare) we’d discuss it. DH does spend more than me on an incidental day to day basis, but it’s on things like carpet cleaner, storage boxes or shelves from ikea.

I’m a saver, whereas he’s more blasé, so I shove a lot from the current account in to premium bonds, savings for the DC, savings for us etc, but I still view this as joint money, not mine. We both put a lot in to pensions though our pots are still small.

He does a lot of housework and stuff to do with the house; I do more cooking and school/life admin. His job is stressful but he still pulls his weight at home.

My DH earns more than me, and we used to split things so we had a similar amount left over, although he often earned extra with a bit of overtime etc. Recently we changed things so split everything 50/50. He feels this is much fairer. He ends up with a lot more than me but says

You say to you don't know what he spends his money on.

Has he got a secret gambling or drink/drug problem,?

Everything joint since married and planning a family. I'd go potty if it wasn't that way.

To be fair, we are both sensible spenders and have similar values / family aims, so that obviously helps a lot.
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I think if one of us spent noticably more on personal things we'd have to change the system

Possibly.

We started out as a couple of broke kids 30 years ago. Joint account was set up as we started saving for our wedding.

We both now have expensive hobbies and are both free to buy what we like for those. Any really big purchases/investments are run by the other before being made. Not for permission but for respect/info.

Over the years, I had a few years off with kids. DH has been made redundant and took a little while to find another job to spend some time with kids while I worked. When one of us is down, the other picks up the slack. Sometimes I make more, sometimes he does. It doesn't matter.

We have each other's backs in all ways. Financially being a big one. That is what a partnership is, we are stronger together than as individual units.

So many women on this board appear to operate as support systems for their partners. Providing love, sex, homes, children, and often financial back up to men who don't appear to offer a whole lot in return - not even the old fashioned 'provider' role anymore.

I question the 'point' of many men and relationships I read about on here and observe in life. Why bother? It just looks like it makes life harder. The disrespect and devaluing of mothers and the work women put into caring for homes, and children, while often also working just blows my mind and I would not tolerate it in my partner.

Do you have a child together @samwiggle9? How many?

Being used as a skivvy is not good for your self-esteem. My ex did the same amount of chores, ie none.

Eventually I took ds and left and now I pay for everything. I pay all the bills, do all the (much reduced) housework, and see what I have left in my account at the end of the month.

But it feels so much better. No bitterness or resentment. I get to choose every meal, every tv programme, every holiday and outing. I get to raise my ds in a happy relaxed home. My ds has grown up knowing he needs to help with chores. Life is much better.

If he refuses to change, it isn't the end of the world.

From the month before we married we switched to one bank account and both wages go in there and we both spend from there freely. We discuss big purchases although as time has gone on (married over 20 years, in late 40’s) what is classed as a big purchase has changed.

I easily spend more than my DH (being a woman is more expensive imo) but he isn’t bothered. He has what he wants and does what he enjoys and lets me do the same.