How do you work your finances

[samwiggle9]

How do people work their homes. I get everyone is different. For context. Out of our overall house hold income.
I contribute 29.9% to the household budget. This is 100% of what I earn.
My partner contributes 29.5% of the house hold budget.
He keeps 36.8% for himself on God knows what.
I keep a whole 3.7% for myself (nail appts ECT)
Now I probably do get a little out of the weekly shopping budget picking up random bits but at this point I'm just going off averages.

Husband works 2 jobs. They both pay pretty well. I have no idea why he goes through the amount of money he does. Before anyone says another woman his work is (don't want to use this word) but trackable. Every minute can be accounted for if I look for it. While a bit does go on his business costs and upkeep of the vehicle he does go through a lot of money.

Off the back of this he does not do a single chore in the house, maybe mows the lawn twice a year at a push. I do everything. Cleaning. Cooking. Lunches. Ironings. I drop out child off at school. He picks him up that's all.

I'm unsure when we fell into this routine it hasn't always been like this probably the last 18 months 2 years but I have bought this up mil times the last year and it's falling on deaf ears and now I'm getting resentful that I'm literally just getting the bare minimum of a treat when I also work hard.

I'm just trying to figure out how to either a approach or b just protect my inner peace. At this point I'm beginning to feel like I'd rather be alone then feel alone.

All bills paid.
Fixed amount in joint account that we both have a card to for household costs like fuel and shopping.
Equal amounts each for personal spending that doesn’t need to be discussed with the other person (I spend mine on hair and nails, DH is saving for a new games console).
Everything else is jointly agreed e.g. put in savings, put towards holiday or home improvements. Most months will go for a coffee and agree any outstanding financial stuff together.

We have entirely separate accounts and no joint. But we both just spend whatever and don’t keep track.

This. Your numbers don’t make sense.

But to answer your question, I pay 100% of the household budget, I keep 10% of my pay for “my” spends, and give him 10% of my salary for “his” spends. DH contributes 100% of his salary to joint savings (including holiday savings, house maintenance savings, mortgage overpayment and long term savings).

We are a family and a team, we both get paid into our joint account where all bills, food shopping, MOT’s etc are paid from.

We are both then sent the same set amount each month to our own individual accounts to spend as pocket money on what we like. Clothes, trips with friends etc.

Anything left after in the joint account at the end of the month goes into joint savings.

My husband earns more than me but he has the same view as me that we’re a team and what’s the point in one person struggling to get by whilst the other has plenty of spare cash. We’re in this thing called life together and if one succeeds so does the other.

Household expenses plus a buffer for emergencies is split proportional to income and paid into joint account.

Salary and personal savings kept separate. Would never be in a relationship where finances are completely shared, that feels so wrong to me albeit I know it goes against the MN norm (although pretty common for separate finances in my real life circle)

No out of the combined income of what we both ear just under 60% of that is the house hold budget. 40% is "spare" money.

Thank you for the constructive advice. We'll be having a chat.
The lack of equality has been getting me down quite a lot this last couple months.

It just gradually happened this way like I said at some point in the last 12 / 18 months he just started transferring the bill money and that's it. And I've just been there picking the extra up. And now I'm just like hold on I work hard too why am I having to ask for the money for my nail appt?

Unless there are considerations you've not mentioned I think the "equal personal money" model works well. So the 40% you've identified as "spare" money that's not for essential bills is evenly divided between you and your partner. But it's worth digging into what this money is actually used for. If it's actually for household/child related expenditure or for things like work commuting costs it shouldn't be in the personal pot. The fact you have no idea where your partner's "spare" money goes is interesting but it does mean you are assuming he spends it on himself without knowing this is the case.

I also think the "equal work" model works well. This is often easier to express as equal leisure time. So either count up how much work you do - including paid work, necessary commute, housework, childcare. Or count up how much time you have when you are doing none of those things.

As soon as we bought our house we pooled our earnings. We bith worked exactly the same job initially, but I was a single parent (100% parent).
Always been shared. We couldn't have kids of our own ( we tried lots of treatment). I changed jobs, dont earn anywhere near as much as he does. Mainly at home so I do most of the chores/mental load. I can spend what I want on myself without question /or asking. I am low maintenance, simply a haircut every few weeks.
Amazingly we never discussed any if this other than literally, ' as we are buying a house shall we do a joint account' (married the following year).
We did discuss if we had kids I would take time out, as there was no way I was working full time and paying someone ⅔ of my wage to look after my child.

We combine. It’s unfathomable to me for financial inequality to exist in a marriage, why get married?

We put everything into one pot.

He earns more than twice my salary but we are a partnership.

Your maths doesn’t work but I assume you’re saying you contribute the same amount towards bills, you have hardly anything for personal spending and he has loads?

we each get paid into a joint account, from which bills go out. All expenses go onto a credit card we share but is in my name which we pay in full every month. There is no his and hers because we are a family. I am the higher earner btw. DH’s salary roughly covers bills and mine is split between credit card bill (which varies as we’re often paying for holidays etc on it) and savings. Savings are in individual names but we each have the same amount roughly to manage tax free allowances.

Contribute to the household pot in proportion to wages or all in one pot and have equal free spending money

your percentages are wired , oddly specific yet failing to
add to 100

Is this a wind up! Your poor dh. Love that youve actually listed beds 😆

At the moment I’ve gone back to education so it’s 100% husbands wage.

He pays it all into the pot, we pay our bills/expenses/ savings then what’s left is split in two and put in our private accounts to do what we want with.

I do most of the housework, obviously, as uni isn’t every single day. But he does all the laundry - that’s his task. He says I’m shit at it 😂 And I’m in charge of the house Reno (not that I’ve started yet) so he doesn’t have to think about it.

When I work again it will all go into the pot as his does.

I give DH 25% of my income every month and he sorts all the bills. This was because I was unemployed last year and he wasn't, then I was temping, so weekly paid abd it was easier he managed all the direct debit.

Im monthly paid now but still give myself a weekly allowance on a Friday as that's what im used to and find it easier to manage. The rest goes towards savings/ debt repayments/ big things. After being unemployed for most of last year and still not in particularly stable employment im wary of big spending now.

I earn double what DH does (used to be a bigger gap but he’s catching up!) and tbh I can’t tell you exactly what our splits are but generally I put twice as much into all the joint things than he does because I earn twice as much. If he was contributing 100% of his wage and having to scrimp while I had money spare that would be very obviously unfair

So he just covers bill money and does no chores?

you need to raise the latter as well but he does sound checked out

These are all rough calculations. That's probably why the percentages don't add up.... In October alone he had 2100 odd pound of spare money that's not accounted for.... It would be easy to assume he pays for child activities but I make that work out the household budget...now he does pay for quite a lot of car repairs which this month 4 new tryes about 280 and fuel costs, this about 100 week so let's say 800 pound of said 2 grand on the car. And the last 3 months he put euros on our holiday car £260. (The holiday I paid for our my bonus) I don't fully calculate every penny so I'm just guestimating. There is still 1000 ish that is his. I had £150 this month.

But now I'm falling into the trap of I paid for this, I paid for that and I've paid for sons boxing and your telling me you've done the spending money for the holiday I paid for like you've done me a favour sort of mindset.

Which I paid for my nails and The dog groomer....

I didn't chose to start doing it this way it's just gradually happened. I don't get a pot of money to just decide hey I'm going to go out with my friends this week Im having to ask for extra money. And I was just curious how other people work it so back up my discussion when I have it.

We combine everything. It’s what married people do. We are a partnership in EVERYTHING we do.

Why are you paying for the dog groomer from your money?

Same here. I wouldn't settle for anything else.

We have wages paid to our personal accounts then we each transfer all of salary except £300 each (which tends to be for the more extravagant aspects of our social lives with friends or to buy each other gifts). Everything else comes out of the joint pot.

For the last few years DH has been the bigger earner but for the 15 years before that I had a full-on, highly paid job and he worked part-time around the children. When I was on mat leave he cashed in ISAs he’d had from before we met to cover my drop in salary. When we bought our first house he had £100k deposit and I had £50k (from the sale of former homes) and we chucked all that into the pot. We have savings shared in each of our names to maximise ISA allowances.

Our household management/domestic load has shifted between us over the years depending on who was working fewer hours and it’s pretty even these days.

This really works for us and it’s how I imagined partnership would be, but I had to look long/hard to find a partner that matched these (and other values). I divorced my first DH who was a tight-fisted individual and I recognise it takes a while in life to work out how you want to live and how to get there

DH earns 10x my income and pays for all bills and mortgage. He transfers a portion of his salary into each of our personal accounts for spending. Most of my spending is done on a credit card which is cleared by direct debit from the account that DH's salary goes into. I don't transfer any of my own salary. We don't have joint accounts as it's easier for tax admin that way. But we see it all as one pot and don't take turns paying or try to split expenses. We don't spend much time on discussing expenses and don't have to agree on any spending above a certain level, we just assume the other is going to be sensible.

This could be said by many more men than women.