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AIBU?

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Do you give her Dc a present for an outstanding school report

107 replies

Heseemslovelybutheisextremelyshort · 18/11/2025 23:40

Or do you just say Well done?

OP posts:
catontheironingboard · 20/11/2025 13:15

Going against the grain here, but as a child who consistently got very high marks and exam grades and whose parents never rewarded me for that in any way, I quite often felt pretty much like all the effort I’d put in on my schoolwork went completely unappreciated and ignored. I didn’t want presents and fanfares every time or anything like that, but the occasional treat in recognition of my achievements would have been really nice.

My parents very much ignored my results or only minimally praised them, on the grounds that many posters give above on this thread; and I ended up feeling like I’d always done what was expected of me at school and home, but that that was never acknowledged or rewarded in any way (including in case siblings felt left out, or I “started to expect it”).

Especially when other kids received presents for money for GCSE results etc., this left me feeling a lasting sense of my parents never having been pleased with me or proud of my achievements. It’s not helped my relationship in later life with them at all. And I think this often smacks of a kind of intellectual reverse-snobbery that’s particularly common in British society, which thinks academic achievements should be ignored in case a child gets “above themselves” or “big-headed”, in ways people would never apply to, for example, musical or sporting successes.

DH and I don’t go overboard, but we make sure DD gets some kind of small gift or treat and a card for doing well, to acknowledge that it does require effort and work and commitment, yes, even from a naturally bright child, and that her academic successes are valued as much as any other aspect of life.

Ddakji · 20/11/2025 13:19

Ambridgefan · 20/11/2025 13:03

No neither did I I hate the whole concept of rewarding children for good grades. The reward is the good grade! Children should be brought up to understand the worth of education they shouldn't work hard to get cash they should do it because it's in their interests.
Also some people struggle a lot more than others. If I was going to reward anything it would be for trying and good attitude but not for good grades or a good school report

Once DD entered secondary school I changed my mind on this pretty quickly. The current set up is absolutely not about kids getting a good education. They are tested and examined to death and mainly just taught to pass these tests and exams. DD developed a really nihilistic attitude to education in her first secondary school, thought school was utterly pointless. Her confidence was really knocked and so yes, I’ll reward her when she does unusually well.

I despise the “education” our children are currently getting.

HappyGolmore2 · 20/11/2025 13:19

Heseemslovelybutheisextremelyshort · 18/11/2025 23:40

Or do you just say Well done?

We have this time because one turned around from a pretty poor report 6 months ago to an good one this times and the other went from good to exceptional - both were because the kids were really trying…
Not money though, told them to pick a reward and one wants a sleepover with a friend on a night we usually say they can’t do a SO on and the other more weekend games time.

HappyGolmore2 · 20/11/2025 13:21

We’re proud of them and have told them that, and yes I think having something fun to acknowledge that is fine!

catontheironingboard · 20/11/2025 13:26

Just to add to my post above, my parents were also big proponents of the “exam results should be their own reward” school of thought, and I felt my successes were not only taken for granted by them; but kind of looked down on somehow as not really requiring any effort. When it did actually take effort and commitment, and I was upset they never really recognised that.

Ddakji · 20/11/2025 14:52

catontheironingboard · 20/11/2025 13:26

Just to add to my post above, my parents were also big proponents of the “exam results should be their own reward” school of thought, and I felt my successes were not only taken for granted by them; but kind of looked down on somehow as not really requiring any effort. When it did actually take effort and commitment, and I was upset they never really recognised that.

Edited

Yes. I got a slap on the wrist for the O levels I failed, but no congratulations for those I passed.

Lulu1919 · 20/11/2025 15:20

We would have a reward...like trip to Burger King .but I'd take both kids ...more of a celebration

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