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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jealous of friend's engagement

80 replies

PlumKoala · 17/11/2025 22:44

Been with boyfriend for almost 10 years. He knows I want to get married but I'm still waiting on a proposal and I don't see any sign of it coming. Lived together for 5 years and have built an amazing life together. We laugh every day and are there for each other emotionally. Not a perfect relationship but we love each other deeply. Tonight our friends got engaged and my initial reaction was jealousy and sadness. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way? I'm super happy for them but I resent my boyfriend for making me wait and at this stage I feel it may never happen. Is marriage that important? I know plenty of people who are in loveless marriages, so why do I feel this way?

OP posts:
KellsBells7 · 17/11/2025 22:46

Why don’t you ask him to marry you?

Arlanymor · 17/11/2025 22:47

First poster nails it.

rosierosierosie · 17/11/2025 22:47

Time for a heart to heart with him - men really are idiots without a clue sometimes.

It doesn’t sound like you’re feeling jealous in a horrible way, just that it’s made you think about your own needs.

Prelim · 17/11/2025 22:48

KellsBells7 · 17/11/2025 22:46

Why don’t you ask him to marry you?

Yep, completely agree.

DallazMajor · 17/11/2025 22:49

How does he feel about marriage ?

MrsPrendergast · 17/11/2025 22:51

Ask him to marry you

Ask him why he doesn't ask you to marry him

I'd suggest that after 10 years he doesn't want to marry you but if you dont find out for sure you'll always wonder

cupfinalchaos · 17/11/2025 22:54

If you live eachother deeply as you say, he should care that it’s bothering you. You need to tell him.

YouChair · 17/11/2025 22:54

NBU to feel jealous. But why on earth have you stayed this long, if being married is important?

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 17/11/2025 22:58

YANBU to feel that way, but YABU to wait around for 10 years for a proposal that (looks like) will never come.
If you want to get married, tell him so.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/11/2025 23:20

I'm so sorry but do not ask him to marry you 😭

Tell him he needs to propose or youre moving on, 10 years is a ridiculous time to wait

Make sure he knows youre serious as well

Do you have children? A house together? xx

pitterypattery00 · 17/11/2025 23:26

Ask him. If he says yes then get planning the wedding. If he says no then you need to decide whether you want to continue as a non-married couple. Don't give ultimatums or deadlines - you've been together 10 years, if he doesn't want to get married now then that is highly unlikely to change.

(FWIW I'm also unmarried in a 10 year relationship - my choice, I don't want to marry and have made that clear to my partner since the start of our relationship).

Millytante · 17/11/2025 23:26

Just adding my tuppence worth to the others who say you should damn well ask him.

Why on Earth do so many women make this complaint all the time, awaiting the pleasure and convenience of an unforthcoming boyfriend?
If it’s so important to you, it’s to be hoped marriage will be an equal partnership and both will be eager to seal the deal. In which case, take the initiative yourself.
Surely we are no longer bound by convention, still placing the whole decision in the male court!

(If yearning to brandish a ring is part of your present anxiety, buy it yourself!
It'd mean the same thing surely, once you two have decided to marry, after you have proposed this next step in your relationship to him.
If you are sure about marriage to him, and it’s not just about a diamond ring, and a wedding for you.)

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/11/2025 23:30

Have you discussed him proposing and that you want to get married?

Crinkle77 · 17/11/2025 23:35

I'd suggest that after 10 years he doesn't want to marry you but if you dont find out for sure you'll always wonder

This sorry. You'll be have loads of mumsnetters telling you to ask him to marry you but in all honesty if he wanted to get married he would have asked by now.

IPM · 17/11/2025 23:37

I voted YABU because if it was that important you shouldn't have moved in with him without being engaged first.

And also because you can ask him to marry you any time you want.

Unless you're afraid of the answer?

PigeonsandSquirrels · 17/11/2025 23:43

MrsPrendergast · 17/11/2025 22:51

Ask him to marry you

Ask him why he doesn't ask you to marry him

I'd suggest that after 10 years he doesn't want to marry you but if you dont find out for sure you'll always wonder

Not always the case. My husband proposed on our 10 year anniversary

Eenameenadeeka · 17/11/2025 23:50

I don't think you're unreasonable, 10 years is a very long time to wait. Have you had any conversation about marriage at all??

TheCorrsDidDreamsBetter · 17/11/2025 23:54

I do think 10 years is a long time to wait for marriage, but I don't think it's always quite that black and white.

Are there reasons he hasn't proposed, like financial reasons? Can you afford the wedding you want? Is there a reason you can't ask him? Does he understand you're looking for a traditional engagement, then wedding ceremony, or does he consider you to be engaged by proxy because you've discussed marriage and been open to it, and so it's just that planning hasn't yet happened as there's been no proactive discussion?

Honestly, if getting married is your dream, don't be jealous of your friend, take steps to make it happen.

PlantBased11 · 17/11/2025 23:55

Eenameenadeeka · 17/11/2025 23:50

I don't think you're unreasonable, 10 years is a very long time to wait. Have you had any conversation about marriage at all??

Yes this is very odd. Been with my DP ages now (15y) but by 10y we have had multiple chats, along the lines of:

  • would you want to get married one day? (Not really)
  • do you still feel the same about not getting married? (Yes)
  • are there any good tax benefits to getting married? (Limited)
  • maybe we'll get married when we're old to surprise everyone (Yes maybe)

I can't imagine not knowing if he wanted to get married, and if so when, any more than I can imagine being with someone and not discussing if they want children etc

SkaneTos · 17/11/2025 23:55

Propose marriage to your boyfriend.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 17/11/2025 23:56

If he wanted to he would.

PollyBell · 17/11/2025 23:57

Why are sat around twiddling your thumbs waiting on a man?

Fantomfartflinger · 17/11/2025 23:58

Are you planning on having children?

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 18/11/2025 00:04

KellsBells7 · 17/11/2025 22:46

Why don’t you ask him to marry you?

Thats what I did. We got together pretty young as students and didn't have our shit together straight away tbf, careers etc. When we did settle down properly I got a cheap ring, booked a "late valentines" romantic weekend "to avoid the valentines weekend price gouge" and proposed on Feb 29th in Rome. We'd been together about 9 years when I proposed, nearly had to tackle my Mum to the floor a couple of times to stop her ruining my proposal on the run up as she was so annoyed DH hadn't proposed to me yet and was going to "hint". 😅

I got to choose my own engagement ring after he said yes too, so got exactly what I wanted. Tbf I'm the romantic so made sense that I was the one to propose.

Arlanymor · 18/11/2025 18:24

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 18/11/2025 00:04

Thats what I did. We got together pretty young as students and didn't have our shit together straight away tbf, careers etc. When we did settle down properly I got a cheap ring, booked a "late valentines" romantic weekend "to avoid the valentines weekend price gouge" and proposed on Feb 29th in Rome. We'd been together about 9 years when I proposed, nearly had to tackle my Mum to the floor a couple of times to stop her ruining my proposal on the run up as she was so annoyed DH hadn't proposed to me yet and was going to "hint". 😅

I got to choose my own engagement ring after he said yes too, so got exactly what I wanted. Tbf I'm the romantic so made sense that I was the one to propose.

Show quote history

Good for you! Sounds brilliant! I bet he was thrilled too.

I wish more people would realise that it's not weird for woman to propose, to pay their own way on a date, go to the cinema/for dinner/anywhere by themselves etc. it's 2025, not 1925.

And for those with terminally narrow minds, I wonder who they think 'should' propose in gay partnerships? I guess 'either person because it does't matter'? Thought so... and so it should be for heterosexual relationships unless you are interested in maintaining highly sexist customs/traditions (making you part of the problem).