Please don’t propose to him.
find a therapist and heal. Heal yourself, and get clear on what you really want.
it will help you figure out if you want the life you’ve built without the proposal and marriage, or if you really want and need to have that proposal.
here’s the source this advice is coming from: I spent years feeling that longing to be chosen .. had a beautiful Disney proposal, with a gorgeous ring that I had all design input into custom creating.
the man I thought I wanted to spend my life with abandoned me three weeks before the wedding.
I went to therapy for years (still going), and healed that part of me that needed to be “chosen” so badly.
so this advice is coming from an understanding of both sides.
I would not give my peaceful, self-choosing life up for any man unless he enhanced it; I would not enter into marriage at all lightly, unless it was necessary (it does provide some protection for children, I think.)
do you need marriage?
jealousy is a signpost, showing you what you want, but beyond the romantic moment - past that one moment, that one day that is now over for that couple, there are a lot of decisions, and a lot of practical choices to make that are everything but romantic.
if you pinpoint to yourself what it is exactly that you want, you might gain some clarity as to whether this is the man you wish to stay with, or if it’s a better decision to end it and meet someone who values what you value.
I am torn about this. You say you’ve built a beautiful life tougher, but at the same time you’ve been “waiting” for a decade?! does he know this? I don’t think it’s a sign of a good partner if he knows this and just is content to withhold a step you need for your well being and happiness.
you need to find out more information, and take an action step, not spend another decade waiting.
proposing to him won’t solve this; you’ll always know it didn’t come from him, and that’s maybe the root of the pain.