Aibu? I’m genuinely not sure

[calacatta]

I was in a position to do the “Delivering Joy” initiative in Dunelm. For anyone who doesn’t know it, you pick a tag off the tree and it’ll have the gender, age and what they’d like for Christmas.

I spent a lot of time on mine as I wanted someone who might not get anything actually feel special at Christmas.

I took it into store (it was really quiet) and gave it to the woman working the tills and the interaction went -

“Is this where you drop off the delivery joy gift bags”
“yes”

Handed it over. That was it. I just thought there would be a “thank you”. Literally nothing more was expected. I’m not this generous person they need to bow down to and so many people will have participated.

Aibu unreasonable to have expected a thanks?

Basic customer service. Don’t participate next year.

They do this scheme to boost their profits as Dunelm busiest time isn’t actually Xmas. I’d probably support a local charity directly tbh rather than do this you may even get a thank you.

Yes you are unreasonable . Over thinking . Let it go.

In that exchange, it would be the customer who would say thank you.

A customer asks a question, the cashier replies and the customer says thanks (for the response to the question).

Eg we collect various items at school for the local food bank etc. If a parent asks me where they need to drop something off, I reply and they say thanks. I wouldn't also thank them for donating because that has been done already by the school in the information about the collection. Not because im rude - i thank parents for things all the time! But, in that exchange, I'm just answering their question.

Bizarre mentality. Don't give a charity gift to a child because a random woman didn't say thank you when she had no reason to.

Not exactly "delivering joy" is it?

If I were doing it for the kudos, I’d have posted it on social media. It’s been huge on tiktok.

I’ve not even put on here any monetary value or said what I bought.

And yes a “thank you” was the most I ever expected. To put time, effort, money, care into anything and not get a simple thank you does make you feel flat.

Giving to charity is a luxury and we’re allowed to choose who we want to donate to.

She wasn’t a random woman and no idea why you think it’s a gift for a child. Clearly you didn’t participate in it.

So if you go into a charity shop with a bag of donations and hand it the person there and they say nothing, you would think that’s an ok interaction?

I would not see the cashier as the proxy of the gift receiver whose job it was to say thanks I’m afraid, and I feel uncomfortable with your view that they should thank you as the person who receives can’t, and you won’t do it again as you didn’t get that. This for me is a selfless act. Or should be.

I didn’t actually buy anything from Dunelm for my gift. I’ve seen other tickets/gift tags online that was for football merch - you aren’t going to get that inside the store.

I’d like to think that any tags not picked are still fulfilled by Dunelm in store.

If I went in and said is this where I leave donations, and they say yes, I’d be absolutely ok with it, and would not be looking for gratitude from the staff. No.

Op she’s human, maybe she had something else on her kind or had done a hundred that day or something. Insane a thank you is that important that you wouldn’t help out again.

Most people are shit at their jobs.
Once you see this pattern you can’t unsee it 😂

Do selfless acts actually exist? It’s up for debate really.

I did decide to see her as the proxy. And you wouldn’t. That’s ok. People can have different views.

I have multiple direct debits set up for charities, I just tend to do one off big donations at Christmas. If I don’t want to donate to one particular charity then that’s ok. Someone at the different charity I donate to will get a benefit they may not have had before.

Why would they have my email address?

And why is she a “poor sod”? If someone referred to me as a poor sod because of the job I do I’d wonder why they felt superior enough over to me to make that judgement.

I did decide to see her as the proxy. And you wouldn’t. That’s ok. People can have different views.

But as others have said, this feels like a bit of a reach. Retail staff have huge task loads, and these head office charity initiatives are usually a tiny fraction of what their day to day role involves (I know from having worked on both sides). In many cases they get a very quick briefing from a manager and are just expected to fit it in around everything else.

Should she have said thank you when you handed over the box? Yes, that would have been good manners, and most of us would probably do that automatically whether we work in customer service or not. But seeing her as a proxy for the charity or the recipient and expecting a certain level of gratitude is slightly out of step with the reality of many NMW retail jobs.

In simple terms, the gesture may feel like a big deal to you, but to her it’s a small part of a busy role and one that she’s being paid minimum wage to juggle alongside everything else. Not getting an enthusiastic thank you doesn’t mean the charity or the recipient isn’t appreciative.

I would have said thank you to her for answering my question of where to put it. She has nothing to thank me for. It wouldn't have been odd for her to have said an automatic thank you but it's meaningless that she didn't.

How do you know she gets paid minimum wage? Or are you just assuming that?

Where did I say I wanted an enthusiastic thank you?

I think YANBU - obviously we don’t know if the individual cashier was having a bad day or whatever but I think the company should have spent sometime training/ reminding its staff to be nice to a. All customers, and b. Those who are giving time and money to help others.

I think if all you looked for in “return” for the gift was a bit of thanks and a feeling you’re participating in something together with the store, it’s not to much to ask.

Why didn't you thank her for helping direct you?
You didn't buy her a present, you asked her a question and she answered it. Why would she thank you?

Do selfless good deeds exist?

Well I often put donations directly in to food bank collections where there isn't someone standing there to thank me.

So it does sound like you want the kudos.

What if the cashier had said "no, you drop them in that box over there (with the big sign above it)". Would you still expect her to thank you? Would you thank her for helping with your enquiry?

As a former retail worker, I'm aware that most retail staff earn on or around NMW/NLW. Dunelm paying slightly above that is good to see.

But my point remains. This initiative will be a very small part of a sales assistant’s overall workload, so treating them as a proxy for the recipient is still a big stretch. Their main responsibility here is to direct customers to the drop off point, and she did that.

Should she have said thank you when you handed over the box? Yes, basic courtesy. But assuming that her thank you would be on behalf of the eventual recipient is an unusual interpretation of the situation. The staff member isn’t standing in for the charity or the recipient, she’s facilitating the logistics.

Because they might have been having a bad day and working in retail isn't fun. I have a lot of empathy and sympathy for shop staff. You're the one who seems like you don't.

I assumed you'd need to give some kind of contact details with the donation scheme, for that very reason. So they can say thank you, how it's helped, maybe ask you to donate more? That would make sense surely.

This all seems a bit disingenuous tbh, given your responses you don't seem 'genuinely' unsure if you're being unreasonable or not as per your title.
Like others I think a natural reaction to being handed something - or indeed having a question answered (after a please in the question) is 'Thank you', so maybe a reflection on however this was approached initially by you OP might give you some answers.
However to be honest if companies want to give the impression to customers of happy staff who are grateful to customers for their custom/presence then treating them better, paying them a decent wage and not allowing said customers to treat them badly because they're spending money would be a good place to start.
So many places treat their staff like a necessary 'evil' and it shows because why would anyone be invested in a company that gives the people actually putting the money in the till like that? The shop floor staff gain the least from any customer spending - if anyone should be thanking customers it's the CEOs and shareholders imo!

Agree with this. I don't know why a lot of MNetters are always so keen to justify a complete lack of manners in retail and hospitality staff. Please and thank you make the world a nicer place.