To just want DD to be a child and not a toddler

[werenotgoingonabearhuntagain]

I honestly cannot wait.

I am in the thick of terrible twos right now. High pitched screams of outrage when something isn’t going her way, tantrums, resistance to car seat and pushchairs making getting around and about Hard Work. Potty training. Still woken at night (had a blissful week last week where she randomly slept through now back to two / three night wakes.) nap refusal food refusal, flinging things across the room she doesn’t want …

I know all stages come with challenges but I really, really do not like parenting toddlers and I cannot wait for DD to grow out of it so I can put this hellish phase behind me for good! (Second and final child!)

I hear you!! I also cannot wait for the high pitched screaming to stop because I gave her the wrong cup, she can't see the squishy spoon, her brother looked at her, the cat walked past her or any other of the thousands of things that we all inadvertently do across the day to piss her off 🥴 Mine is 2 and a half so hopefully it won't be too much longer before she can regulate her emotions slightly better.

Solidarity from the trenches 💐

Toddlers aren undeniably little twats but having had four kids, I feel the only way to enjoy life is to try and focus on the moments of fun.
I find all the ages hard work and equally fun tbh. I now am being woken up by teenagers coming to bed at 3am on a Sunday night and eye rolling at my very existence.

Toddlers are difficult but the nice bits are so lovely. Being allowed a big cuddle, avid listening to stories in bed, being excited at a lorry or a duck.

My teenagers are also fun they make me laugh, good to play games with (though they seem to win all the time now), will cook tea and have their mates round who stay and chat to me.
I had really bad post natal depression, and my therapist, very much focused on making me think about the good things rather than the bad. Obviously moan about the hard bits but if you talk about the good bits more at makes it easier to get through.

Funny because my daughter's terrible twos, whilst frustrating, is NOTHING compared with the constant whining and crying of her older brother who's almost 4... 🤯

Is it ever gonna get better?! I have my doubts...

I preferred the terrible twos to the threenager and fuck it 4 years - be careful what you wish for!

Have a 3 year old and a 1 year old OP, solidarity.
Also don’t you just love the unsolicited advice? ‘Have you thought about setting boundaries’
No Janet I really hadn’t, thank you.

Toddlers are grim! But having said that, some of these behaviours can definitely be tackled.
Mine tried resisting buggy/car seat. I just said we don't always have a choice about where we go, and gently but firmly pushed them in with my hand on hip/pelvic bones. I offered them a choice about something else at the same time.

The screaming/chucking things. Do you have some kind of consequence for this? Not getting what she wants with the screaming. Or 30secs on the naughty step, or whatever. My youngest is the same age and he is used to the naughty step, so when he chucks something I say "Careful. Do it again and you'll be on the naughty step," and he (mostly) shakes his head and doesn't do it again. Natural consequences sometimes work better depending on the situation. If you don't let me put your shoes on by the time I count to three, we're not going to the park. But you have to be prepared to follow through on the consequence if needed.

The nap/sleep issues are more tricky of course. Probably worth a post on their own!

It's not a fix all, but you definitely have to start with consequences and consistency at this age, or you are staring into the gnarly face of the terrible threes as well...

(Apologies if you are already doing stuff like this, and you just wanted a rant and some sympathy whilst in the trenches - totally understandable!)

Sorry but 😂

One of the best things about having your second child is knowing that This Too Will Pass!!

Haha yes … three and one was really, really hard for me.

@TheRolyPolyBard it isn’t my first rodeo. I know how to get her in. I don’t know about gently but firmly; yes. However, it doesn’t solve the writhing, flinging around and screaming. As for offering a choice, ha ha ha. I always think people for whom choices worked had reasonable toddlers, who could say ‘yes mummy, I’d love to wear my shoes with unicorns rather than my rainbows!’ as opposed to mine who will scream the place down she wants her unicorns so I go and get her unicorns and then she flings the unicorns at me in hellbent fury NO UNICORNS NO UNICORNS.

No, I do not have a consequence for throwing things because when she’s that wound up it would be completely meaningless.

Her brother hit the threenager bit hard, but at least there’s a bit of reason coming in then. He was mostly OK by four although he does still do stupid annoying things, it isn’t like a vengeful toddler. Whoever said hell had no fury like a woman scorned has never met your average two year old.

Everything is a phase and will pass.

But honestly I'm finding my whingey, always talking, argumentative 6 year old so annoying!

Parenting is hard, but we've just had DS2 via IVF so on balance we must enjoy it more than not?!

"Toddlers aren undeniably little twats"

😂

It’s a journey. I don’t massively enjoy two year olds; it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have had her at all because of a difficult few months.

Toddlers weren't for me either. DH loved that stage; when they were tiny and cute and innocent, but I much prefer now (they are 8 and 10). We can have genuinely interesting conversations, they have their own interests and talents, we can have outings that are fun for me too like the theatre, eating out is no longer stressful, you can see them becoming actual people.

Whoever said hell had no fury like a woman scorned has never met your average two year old.

Truer words were never spoken! The intensity of the rage is so real... and so exhausting...

When mine were howling in unrestrained fury at some sort of reasonable adult decision ("time to leave the park because it's closing"), my DP and I used to look at each other and say, "An unpopular decision - our polling is down"

Solidarity OP. I have twins! Had two of the fuckers at the same time 🤣 you’ll be out of the trenches before you know it. They’re 6 now, sleep like logs and are my little best mates

Absolutely.

My theory is that as parents we might have an age range we naturally better cope with. My DM is brilliant with 3 year olds and primary children for example. I was quite good with baby years with mine.

Also, my DS1 was not good at being a baby / toddler! He was so restless & frustrated by not being able to do this or that. DD much more patient, so some ages and phases are harder for the individual child.

But I'm loving my toddler cuddles and kisses and 'I love yous' and soaking it all up whilst it lasts.

Made me think of this thread that always makes me laugh.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1301196-If-my-3yo-had-access-to-AIBU

How people cope with twins I do not know. People obviously do because they have twins but … how! 😂

One of the difficult things for me is that she was such a lovely baby - she was pretty much delightful until she hit two and oh boy she has hit it hard, she’s two years and four months and it’s the unpredictability of her that’s bringing me down a bit. She’s also very, very whingey which does get wearing.

It's been a while, but I'm still reliving the day when it was 84 degrees and he wanted his blue jumper on.

I hear ya. Toddler years were relentless.

Mine are both in their twenties now. This is definitely my favourite stage 😀

Yup, I really didn't enjoy the toddler/baby years. Sure, they were cute and there were lots of good times and aspects I loved, but overall, I much prefer older children. With both of mine, I remember around 7 year old, realising that when we got in the car to go somewhere, we could chat in a way that just wasn't possible before.

There are different challenges as they get older, but I am definitely a lot happier and enjoy it a lot more.

Apart from the potty training and car seat this sounds like my 20yo.
Good Luck OP!

3 was worse than 2 for my first DD (who is now 6, and still has her moments, but is capable of sarcasm now).

Second DD seems to have hit the terrible ones, which is somehow worse whilst I'm trying to interpret the point and grunt and clearly doing so very badly! And usually ends up with a scream, an arched back and a backwards collapse into a heap.

Luckily she's pretty cute.

They are cute. It can be a long, lonely day with them though as you try to figure out what they want!

Solidarity OP ❤️ my DD was very difficult from 18 months to 4. Screaming, whining, struggled with sensory aversions to the point that going anywhere was a struggle.

She's nearly 6 now, and mostly a delight. I've always adored her but spending time with her is much more fun now. Her ASD assessment is in a couple of weeks, and all the professionals involved with her have been pretty clear what they expect the outcome to be.

Obviously this isn't everyone's experience, but once I realised it was more than the terrible 2's and got strategies in place with the school, her behaviour and general wellbeing has really improved. But often, they will just grow out of these behaviours in time. I know it doesn't make it easier in the moment!

One thing I used to do (and still do sometimes) when I was getting frustrated with her was look at and hold her hands. There was something about seeing how little her hands were that helped me calm down and see how much she needed me.