To just want DD to be a child and not a toddler

[werenotgoingonabearhuntagain]

I honestly cannot wait.

I am in the thick of terrible twos right now. High pitched screams of outrage when something isn’t going her way, tantrums, resistance to car seat and pushchairs making getting around and about Hard Work. Potty training. Still woken at night (had a blissful week last week where she randomly slept through now back to two / three night wakes.) nap refusal food refusal, flinging things across the room she doesn’t want …

I know all stages come with challenges but I really, really do not like parenting toddlers and I cannot wait for DD to grow out of it so I can put this hellish phase behind me for good! (Second and final child!)

Also, I tried to reframe it in my head as I'm glad she's got a bit of spirit about her, and she can tell me what she needs and what she's not comfortable with. Skills to stand her in good stead for adult life - as long as they are channeled appropriately, which as she's got older has got easier.

Same id give anything for the constant need to play one more game before bed time then be up till all hours waiting to pick them up from an event or what ever nonsense they've cooked up with their friends 🤣🤣

I must be weird because the toddler years (1-3 ish) ate my absolute favourite age group to be with. Yes it was hard work, but I would go back in a heartbeat and do it all over again. I try to look at it from the angle of there being no malice or naughtiness in any tantrums etc - it’s a small child learning the world is much bigger than they knew until this point and they’re beginning to find their place it in… and that’s scary! They are also learning so much, and they’re keen to learn! Some of the conversations with a toddler can make you feel so privileged to be in their life.

I know that’s not a lot of help to you. The time will pass and hopefully you’ll look back with nostalgia like I do!

I find all the ages hard work and equally fun tbh

I didn’t find that. In my personal experience, babies were easy, especially before they could walk or talk😁. Being a tiny, portable thing, and not mobile makes things a lot easier. That really just leaves feeding and cleaning which is mainly easy enough, and sleeping which may be hit or miss.

Then toddlers, who are fucking nightmares.

Then the school years, which I found a bit hard for first year or so while they, and you, get into that groove.

Then the golden years with essentially very little hard work. They are old enough to get themselves drinks, allowable snacks. Old enough to independently dress themselves appropriately. Old enough to do most homework independently, and young enough so it’s quick and easy to assist with if necessary. Old enough to have friends, and not have to have parents hang around on play dates, but not too old do can go do things independently with friends but requiring lifts etc.

Then into teenagers and it becomes like toddler years again but in a different way. Fucking nightmares.

Then young adults, which start to become the golden years again.

Some phases I really didn’t find much fun in at all, but others I definitely did.

Yep I am dealing with a threenager who is also very jealous about her 3 month old sister. All my mum has to say is 'well, she doesn't behave like that when she is with me...', 'i don't remember you or your brother behaving like this...', 'you need to start telling her 'no'.

Mine’s 3.5 and I am being punished for smugly coming out of the “terrible twos” like “oh wow that wasn’t actually that bad” 😶

Things she got apoplectic with rage about last week:

• daddy did up buttons on his invisible jacket when it didn’t have buttons, it had a zip
• she hadn’t been in daddy’s tummy as well as mine
• the dog didn’t want to play Peppa Pig Guess Who
• a week old sticker was no longer sticky and I had the audacity to offer her a new one from a sheet of entirely identical stickers
• she asked for chopped up apple, changed her mind when I’d chopped it and I wouldn’t let her glue it back together with Pritt Stick

Is “Janet” the new “Karen”? I really wish we could move away from using real names to illustrate misogynist stereotypes of women.

I consider myself so lucky that age 2-3 coincided with the time I was working my backside off to gain a qualification and did not have to be around it most of the time. Kiddo loved FT nursery and DH did most of the pick ups etc. I emerged the other side of the fog with a lovely funny 4 year old and now have more flexibility at work to enjoy a very nice child.

I don’t know where I’m going wrong but those solutions just don’t work for my children. My 2 year old has started deciding she doesn’t want to come for the school run to pick up her older sister. Of course she has to come but many days she has a huge tantrum and lies in the hallway screaming and crying and flailing about as I have to force her into the pushchair while trying to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself. No amount of explaining that we have to do it or gently but firmly putting her in the pushchair stops this behaviour. My older daughter was the same and just eventually grew out of it.

We also do the naughty step but it has never acted as a deterrent. The behaviour just continues and no threats of going on the naughty step seem to make much difference. She just has to go on the naughty step again. I just keep on explaining about good behaviour, gentle hands and so on and eventually they grow out of the mindless tantrum stage. It is such hard work!

We all have different favourite stages. Don’t feel bad. My kids are bigger now and I have loved it since they were about 5 and able to have a conversation, do fun things etc. If you offered me £10m and a totally pain free pregnancy and birth I wouldn’t do those early years again. Nuh-uh, no way.

Not the answer you are looking for, but as a parent of a 4 year who has just started school, I would give anything to go back to when they were 2! I thought by 4 things would get easier, I actually think this is the toughest year yet. 😅

I'm sure you are not going wrong! They are all so different.
The above ideas more or less work for mine, but other friends have needed to up their game 🤣 One friend has a reward jar with dried pasta in it. Good behaviour - pasta goes in. Bad behaviour - pasta out. When jar is full she gets a desirable present. The pasta started really big when she was younger and is now quite small!
Not saying this particular idea will work for yours, but the point is, get creative.

Re the pushchair, yep, I just kept going with the pushing them in. We had to be places, there was no choice. I made it as quick as possible and then started talking about the amazing adventure we were about to go on (to the supermarket or whatever, haha). It doesn't solve it, but I feel it was less stressful for me and them just getting it done quickly.

Thanks for replying! Yes, I should try to get creative and have fun with it. Allowing more time helps, if I can. I know it will pass eventually.

I have 3: aged 5, 3 +1 and my 5yo is by far the most difficult when it comes to tantrums 🙈

Oh Don't, my daughter is four next week and I'm in the trenches 😭
Constant screaming and tantrums about the smallest of things. She squeaks instead of talking so its high pitched
I come to work for a break

I feel you!! Mine are all older now (youngest is 7) but currently have DGS who is 2 for a few hours and OMG he is hard work. The throwing, hitting and screeching is relentless, the dog has gone to lie down in a dark room and i'm thinking is it too early for a drink!! 🙄

'the dog didn’t want to play Peppa Pig Guess Who' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My mother once said that my baby brother aged two had a tantrum because I (aged 4 at the time) dared to look out of his window when we were in the car when I was sat next to him. 😜

I understand - my son was an absolute nightmare as a toddler! Honestly think I spent most nights going to bed in tears 🫣 I remember 4 being a huge turning point and I absolutely loved that year - he’s almost 5 and a half now and I adore every single part of motherhood now .. wish me luck because I’ll be doing it all over again soon 😂

Oh yes I always wanted children but didn't love the whole baby/toddler thing.
The first few years wee a hard slog with occasional flashes of cuteness to aid survival. They're now 11 and 8 and more or less fabulous the majority of the time- they're funny and bright and great company. DS can be a right smartarse and DD is hitting puberty so that'll be fun I'm sure but I'll take this age any time over the wee small years.

My theory is they are like it as an effective contraception. Unless you are stupid enough to have them incredibly close like me once you realise it is utterly shit, you put off the next one! 😉

I cannot tell you how much your comment has given me hope for the light at the end of the tunnel. My twins are 2.5 and it’s pretty awful here right now 🫠

Solidarity OP. 2 is a really hard age imo. My eldest is almost 4 and he is so much easier now. But the twins are demons. Screaming, shouting, unreasonable, rage filled demons 😂

My second child started the whining at about 2 and a half and is STILL having tantrums at 5. Luckily not dozens of times a day any more but it’s been a rough few years in my house!

Totally agree. I LOVE newborns and babies but hate the toddler stage. Didn’t mind ‘threenager’ at all with my eldest as the enormous but infrequent meltdowns were far easier on me emotionally than the flinging themselves to the floor dozens of times a day over a broken biscuit or the wrong cup etc. Youngest just continued to have typical toddler tantrums multiple times a day (I mean, totally unreasonable of me to expect him to get dressed/have a meal/go to the park etc) until about 4.5 so haven’t really had that stage with him. But 5 and 7 and both in school is so far pretty brilliant.

Oof! Let me tell you, if you don’t like 2, you’re really gonna not like 12. 😂