To just want DD to be a child and not a toddler

[werenotgoingonabearhuntagain]

I honestly cannot wait.

I am in the thick of terrible twos right now. High pitched screams of outrage when something isn’t going her way, tantrums, resistance to car seat and pushchairs making getting around and about Hard Work. Potty training. Still woken at night (had a blissful week last week where she randomly slept through now back to two / three night wakes.) nap refusal food refusal, flinging things across the room she doesn’t want …

I know all stages come with challenges but I really, really do not like parenting toddlers and I cannot wait for DD to grow out of it so I can put this hellish phase behind me for good! (Second and final child!)

It’s so hard because she is so lovely and so hilarious there are so many parts of this stage that are my favourite yet, but the hard is HARD. It’s also reassuring because I thought all of this behaviour was because of her little brother arriving a couple of months ago. I just now remind myself how fleeting these phases are.

Yep. Currently listening to DS scream and scream because DH is settling him tonight instead of me. He can be so cute and sweet, but just recently has been a little terror - being pushy and a bit mean to other kids in the soft play, lots of ‘NNNNNNNNNO!’, nursery staff reporting that he doesn’t listen to them (or only when it suits him). He was so lovely and calm a couple of months ago, it’s like he’s had a personality transplant!

Hated toddler years heavily relied on screen time to cope. Boring, relentless, tiring, energy vampires. I was always just so bloody tired.
I genuinely do not know how say SAHM’s with no nursery respite do it without screen time. Just horrific,
4 and over all of mine were loads better and have enjoyed most of the following ages currently up to 19.

Yeah … not hearing the ‘four is worse.’ I have a four year old as well, compared to the two year old he is so easy.

He was a nightmare toddler though so there is hope.

That's the easy part wait till you have a teenager on your hands 🤣🤣

whyyy do people feel the need to do this!? It’s completely different kinds of struggles for one. And two why do people need to make people feel worse?

I literally don't want to sound like a dick but we never had any of that. I understand each child is different but we had an occasional melt down over cutting a sandwich into triangles vs squares but it was always short lived.

Distraction is the key. We'd do something silly to divert the attention or tickle DS.

I do think each stage is different but don't wish their life away.

I hate it as well. I think it’s so self absorbed. I always kind of think no wonder you can’t cope with teens, you can’t bear it if it’s not all about you

@Dinoswearunderpants you say you never experienced it then give me advice on what to do when you experience it. Please don’t.

I found teenagers much easier than toddlers - hopefully you'll find the same OP! 18 months to three years was the absolute worst 🤯

I think 3 and 4 year olds are much more difficult than 2 year olds who are still small ,and easily distracted.

I found three / four much easier. Two is hell 😩

You've literally posted on a public forum, you're going to opinions/advice. I was being kind instead of saying what I honestly thought.

By the same token, I can say that that those opinions and advice are neither relevant nor helpful. Yes, it was curt and I apologise for this but it did irritate me that you arrogantly felt the need to tell me that you’d never had this issue but then told me how to manage it anyway. Kind of like a slim person who has never struggled with their weight turning up on a diet thread. They’d be given short shrift too.

Yes oh yes, so true.

But I do sometimes miss the sweaty sleepy snuggles, no one snuggles quite like a snotty toddler 😂

There was a really sweet spot, after the poopy-nappy nursery stage and before the know-it-all late primary stage. Chatty, funny, no bad smells.

DC is in the grumpy teen stage now, it's a bit like having a toddler again, but bigger. I do still get a few sweet snuggles 😊

Every stage has its pros and cons.

This too shall pass..

It does and I know that DD is a summer birthday so I kind of feel like I ‘lose’ a year with her.

DS has really been lovely since about 3 and 3/4. He’s now five next month and he can be raucous and boisterous but the days of screaming tantrums because of something displeasing him mildly have gone.

Logically I also know DD isn’t even a particularly difficult toddler. She’s just … a toddler! I do also think one toddler is very different to balancing needs of a toddler and a baby or a toddler and an older child. Which may explain the wide eyed ‘well my ds never …!’

Agree.. terrible 2s we're fine, actually enjoyable. Pretty much the day he turned 3 he was a nightmare!

He's 7 now and an amazing little guy!

IME there is absolutely no point in trying to reason with or gently explain to a screaming toddler. Once it gets to that stage, they are not listening to you.

One thing I learned is to give them a choice of only two things (that are both acceptable to you!), for example "in the car seat, or shall we walk" or "the red coat, or the blue one?" or "story before or after bath time?" etc.

A lot of toddler screaming is frustration, and wanting more independence, so letting them decide helps.

When they are screaming it's too late. Time to grit your teeth, and wait for bedtime.. 😭

One thing I learned is to give them a choice of only two things (that are both acceptable to you!), for example "in the car seat, or shall we walk" or "the red coat, or the blue one?" or "story before or after bath time?" etc

This does not work with DD. Nor did it work on DS before her. I remember reading it on here - it is from that How to Talk book, IIRC. Both my children have worked out pretty quickly that one possible answer to 'do you want a bath or a shower?’ or 'do you want your blue coat or your dinosaur one’ is 'i don't want a bath or a shower’ and ‘I don’t want to wear a coat!’ - a possibility that this suggestion never seems to countenance!

I never had any of this either but I really feel the pain of those who have stubborn screamy toddlers. My two were both absolutely serene at this age, and I used to be utterly bewildered by friends' tantrumming two and three year olds. Then both of mine were moody, volatile and exhausting at 6/7. They're all different and if OPs child is hard now, they might well be a dream at 4.

Yeah you’re 100% right. My sons nearly 5 he’s off sick we are under a blanket with the fire on watching cartoons. It’s bliss 2 years ago this would have been a nightmare

You say "well you have to wear a coat, red or blue?" If you keep caving in and giving the option of neither, then yes they will quickly work out they don't have to do what you want.

DD was definitely not an easy toddler, or baby, or preschooler, or primary schooler or teen for that matter. I learned and forgot and relearned this about a billion times, and no doubt will do again 🤷

I guess you just want to vent, which is fine.

No one’s caving in. Of course she has to wear a coat and go in a car seat and have a bath. It is a bit frustrating when people jump to criticise your parenting rather than engaging with what I’m actually talking about.