To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

I'm amazed that the idea of adults being responsible for themselves is causing such outrage.

So what do you suggest since our taxation system is not enough to meet the demands of the evergrowing costs. Just wait till the IMF have to bail us out and force us to slash benefits as part of their agreement.

The longer we allow this to go on the worse our debt is getting. Have you looked at what the UK goverment used to pay to raise finance (bonds) and what they have to pay now.

Our country has been surviving since the eighties by selling things off. Council houses, land that used to house mental hospitals, industries, we sold our gold off too didn't we. This cash inflow has kept us afloat. China owns huge parts of us now and our 'wealth' is rising house prices.

Unfortunately we are out of things to sell now. Money going out is way more than money coming in. So we should just keep going with the current system until we go boom.............okay then.

I thought mumsnet was a place we could discuss and debate things.

Youre actually on a thread about how awful ableism is- and youre mocking someone for their 'low intelligence' ?

Edit- its actually worse. You find someone of low intelligence 'chilling' and are horrified they 'walk amoung us'

😬😬😬😬

this thread is just one of many that I see where people are angry at the idea of paying more taxes to fund the ever growing benefit bill. There are dozens of threads per week about how much disabled people cost, how much is being spent on SEN kids, people leaving the country or refusing to work to avoid tax cliff edges.

With so much anger around the current system and with so much not working in the UK at the moment I just thought how simple it would be if we just stopped flogging a system which is causing so much difficulties and paid for ourselves.

You have to admit there would be some problems for sure but it would also fix some things. I mean it's not like services are running very well just now are they and even then our debt continues to grow.

'there would be some problems for sure' is putting it very mildly.

Yes, I did think that was rather ironic from a poster that was apparently against ableism. Disability can come in many forms and people with intellectual disabilities can sometimes struggle to articulate themselves well and will struggle with spelling and grammar. To condemn someone for this could be ableism in its purest form and you would think given the topic on this thread that posters would be sensitive about this.

I know I fully admit that I used to have excellent spelling and punctuation and since I no longer work I have got a bit lazy (obviously not on any benefits since I'm advocating for a system without them).

Less intelligent was perhaps a poor choice of words - people who are less academic and quite content was what I meant. That was not to slag them off. Often less intelligent people are more content with their lives. I am often envious of people who seems very happy go lucky in their warehouse or driver jobs.

The point is everyone decides for themselves if they can afford to have a child. I mean isn't that what sensible people do anyway. They decide to stop at 2 because they can't afford a 3rd.

Some people also forget that whilst this seems to mostly be a UK based site, not everyone's first language is English

I don't mind someone saying my spelling and grammar could be improved. I used to be excellent at school, uni and when working.

Now lazy days of not having to work has made me too relaxed in some ways so it's a fair comment. I do watch alot of current affairs and political podcasts which is why I'm aware of why our current system is not working.

Of course! Given that they will have their private health insurance plus all the tax and NI they have saved they will get help.
The healthcare being private and paid for will hopefully be alot quicker and efficient than the NHS with less waiting around for the person.

What youre forgetting is as soon as you put a profit making company in charge of Healthcare you get execs trying to cut costs. With Healthcare this means suffering.

You speak like someone who has never been poorly off in a country without universal Healthcare.

That gave me a chuckle. Actually no I am lucky that when I was a youngster you could could to uni and get a grant (which I did).

Then a sucessful carer in finance/economics which allowed me to retire by 50.

So i have no issue with you disagreeing with me or proposing an alternative system since our current system is clearly not working. However to imply I'm not educated is just incorrect.

My spelling has gone to the dogs I admit since I do very little report writing these days. I mostly watch current affairs, political and financial podcasts and read alot on these topics too.

Sorry very well educated as it goes although it does seem a long time ago now. When i went to uni grants were still being dished out. Economic/financial career which allowed me to retire very early.

I admit my posts came from a financial point of view of our country is a mess so how do we fix it. Plus it had the advantage of stopping all the anger that is seen on here daily about funding benefits for others.

I read on here about people sitting in A&E for 18 hours crying in their own vomit. I was suggesting a system where it was private and paid for but much better. I would argue that the current system is becoming pretty unusable or inhumane if you want to call it that.

I'm afraid that with retiring early I have a great interest in political affairs, economic matters and financial things. I do spend alot of time watching and reading. Yes my suggestion was a bit 'flip' and in response to all the threads here about the state of the country, people sick of taxes to pay for benefits etc

the country has changed greatly since the eighties. Yes there were benefits but it was seen as so much more shameful to be on them. I'm pretty sure lots of the benefits that seem to exist today did not exist back then. Of course many of our problems come from the rising house prices which has made people struggle to afford a home on their wages without benefit top ups. In the seventies the goverment spent x amount building council houses. Now they spent just as much paying for temporary accomodation/housing benefit etc.

Whether we like it or not many of our systems were designed when the population was less, when people did not live as long and when the vast majority of the population was not on benefits or out of work. I can't imagine anyone on here thinks the NHS is coping nowadays or that the country is overcrowded.

I'm a victim of crime and call the police - I pay for them to come and deal with.
Supermarket shoplifting - the supermarket pays. Yes I know there are holes and yes so much more thought would have to go into it but given that we are commenting on yet another thread (dozens a day it seems) with people venting their frustrating at getting taxed more to pay for others, sick of disabled people and their cars, all the SEN kids and outrage at what people are getting in money etc

So a rape victim should pay to have her rapist tried and convicted? Or a victim of CSA should have their parents pay? (I’m speaking as a victim here.).

And what about when the victim has been murdered? Should the family pay for justice?

I agree that there’s an argument that criminals should be compelled to pay their own legal fees and imprisonment, but, apart from criminals like Epstein, who could afford realistically to pay legal fees and many years of incarceration? If, as I assume, you want long sentences to protect the public?

And who would pay the judges and barristers, and prison officers?

In practice, no one could afford to pay and we’d end up with vigilante justice, as the families wouldn’t be able to pay for proper justice.

That isn’t just naive, it’s ludicrous. And thankfully it won’t ever happen.

Yes that is what has happened in the NHS because the NHS still very much has a monopoly on healthcare in this country. So if profits are maximised and service is poor then people will still attempt to use it.

If all healthcare was private and hospitals were competing with each other based on the normal things then I would expect the competition to raise standards.

I live in the UK and have watched the NHS go from working pretty well in the seventies/eighties to just not coping now. I admit I have started using private healthcare myself to bypass the system as it is often poor, slow and better services are available by paying. I'd be happy to continue to use the NHS if it worked but I just find it is not coping anymore.

How well does the current system work. Frontline police have been falling for years and investigations take so much longer nowadays due to cyber crime and social media.

People openly shoplifting and the police are not interested. Is this better than paying for a service and having it dealt with.

Rape victims hardly ever get convictions. Most of them won't even try as they know they will be dragged through the mud. The percentage of rapists going to prison v the number of offences is tiny. So would you pay to have a more thorough investigation and your rapist punished. Or would you rather it was 'free' (not really) and fails to get results.

It's fine if you disagree. I am just pointing out that our current system is failing horribly. It did use to work quite well when we had policeman on the beat and the internet was not a thing etc.

It's very clear that you are speaking from a financially privileged point of view with very little thought for the many people out there who can't afford private healthcare or private anything..

Many people wouldn't have the money to pay for private policing. Obviously the rape conviction rate is awful but ensuring some rape victims would never get even a chance at justice because they wouldn't be able to afford it is also pretty damn awful.

Many people wouldn't have the money to pay for private policing. Obviously the rape conviction rate is awful but ensuring some rape victims would never get even a chance at justice because they wouldn't be able to afford it is also pretty damn awful.

^This absolutely. And the PP didn’t answer my question about murder victims. Would the police really not investigate if there was no one to pay them? Obviously that wouldn’t be the intention, but who would pay the police for doing it? At the very least, some public money would be needed if there was no one alive to pay for the investigation.

And what about protecting the public from rapists and murderers? Who would pay for the life sentences that the public deserves and expects?

If all Healthcare was private then standards for those who can afford it would be higher yes. But at the cost of those who can't. Ive lived in other countries and I can promise you Healthcare for those who cant afford the best is dire. I've seen friends in tears because insurance wont allow a child with cancer to have a lumbar puncture without a general, but they cant afford to fund a general themselves. Ive seen people choosing between insulin and kids shoes. Ive seen wealthy people bankrupted by road accidents.

You dont know what youre advocating for.

That's just devastating.

My son had cancer last year and it was awful enough watching your child suffer and fight so much to live. I couldn't imagine not been able to afford things such as a general, lumbar punctures are so critical. Not just for diagnosing and establishing what stage the cancer is at but also for preventative chemo as part of treatment in the hopes of stopping it from spreading to the central nervous system.

My son had a lumbar puncture under general as part of his treatment 8 times plus 2 other times for diagnosis and staging reasons so 10 lumbar punctures in total.