To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

You are right. People would be free to donate to charities as they wish (and currently do). Some people might get help from them (as they currently do).

I don't know whether I am a libertarian. I'm a fan of common sense. A adult by defination looks after themselves and takes accountability for their own decisions and choices. They pay for themselves or any children they have created.

I find it weird that we are expected to work hard, then hand over part of our money so strangers can spend it. I mean why? I don't expect anyone to pay for me and by the same token I don't expect to pay for someone I've never met.

It's so sensible I need a new word for sensible.

How does that work if during pregnancy you found out the child is likely to have a disability?

I'm guessing the health insurance industry in the UK would change to accomodate things they don't currently offer as nobody uses them.

It would just become a much bigger industry because everyone would have insurance. If they can make money they will do it (ie insuring babies before birth). It would just be normal.

Absolutely there are holes in the plan. I mean it's not a plan it's a starting point which would have to be worked out of course.

I don't think a carer is less worthwhile at all. I was a carer for 5 years and it was one of the hardest periods of my life. There is nothing wrong with being a carer. People would just cut their cloth to their own income. So someone happy being a carer, might live in a small flat because they value looking after the elderly and are not materialistic. I mean surely people who are carers now don't do it because they think it is well paid.

Absolutely no shame in any job. People would just live to their means.
Bearing in mind nobody is paying tax or NI on their income so can divert this to pay for healthcare etc.

So far we've had comments to suggest that adults paying for themselves is outrageous and adults should be happy to pay their income over to complete strangers they have never met. When you actually think about this, it's completely weird.

I assume you live by your firmly held principles. If you have a heart attack in the street I imagine you would tell any helpful members of the public not to call an ambulance as you don't believe in the NHS. I would also hope that you don't drive your car on public roads, use illumination from streetlights or walk on public pavements since it is all paid for by taxes stolen from hard-working people by our lousy communist government!
I think you do need a new word to replace sensible in the context you are using it, how about nonsense?

Wow, you actually admit there may be a few holes in your entirely reasonable and well-considered plan, surely not!
Having re-read your posts I am beginning to suspect you are a bit of a wind-up merchant you cheeky scamp! If so well done, you genuinely had me going as it really is a pretty good, though extreme, pastiche of some of the offensive drivel spouted by posters on here every day. Very amusing!
On the off chance you are actually being serious, crikey!

You are being silly. Obviously at the moment I can't chose to pay for street lighting myself nor an ambulance because the system is not set up for that. It literally does not exist.

However I have chosen to pay for a private GP to get seen quicker and have a longer appointment. And if there were better services for other things by paying then yes I probably would use them as our public services are all falling apart.

Once the new system was in place yes I would call an ambulance but I would be expected to pay for it.

You are correct street lights and roads could never be a pay per use although thinking about it I guess the pay per mile tax that they are talking about in the budget would fund roads so that makes sense and people could pay for what they use.

You need to stop with the insurance nonsense ad nauseum. This is not how it works. It's getting a tiny bit tedious now and ads nothing to the discussion as this is neither here nor there.

Exactly. Instead of paying taxes to the goverment I keep the money I have earned and pay it direct to the service supplier. I mean the goverment is literally a middle man.

I think you are mistaken in assuming that people would choose not to have children they could not ‘rationally afford’.

A deep acquaintance with - or frankly, a short exposure to - schools operating amongst our most deprived communities will reveal that many, many people have children for ‘non rational’ reasons, regardless of whether this is ‘a good idea’ or not. Drug addicts; alcoholics; abused women; young women fresh out of - or still in - care; prostitutes or trafficked women; women living in formal or informal situations where a dominant male has multiple partners, where this is a norm in their micro-community; vulnerable women desperate for something to love having children with short-term partners; women trying to hold on to a spouse or partner etc etc.

Im all of these cases, the child is not at fault, and should not be further punished by their parents’ choice to have them by then having no health are, no education, live with no rubbish collection etc eyc.

You also assume that every parent - in fact every person - has the ability to earn, so that the tax /NI is available as extra.

What if a person has or acquires an illness / disability that means they can never work? What happens to them after their parents / carers die?

I also grew up in poverty in a chaotic household and was consequently disruptive in school but thanks to one teacher taking an interest in me and keeping me behind to help me with homework my behaviors changed without the need for any medication - thankfully, there was no mention of ADHD at that time, certainly not in working-class areas.

My young relative grew up in a much smaller but equally chaotic household again without the benefit of routines and structure. However, she has been caught up in the ADHD fad promoted by big Pharma to increase their bottom line and I am calling out that it did not work in her favor, on the contrary.

Drugs like Ritalin etc are not miracle drugs - studies are starting to emerge that link long-term Ritalin use to cardiovascular issues and psychiatric problems such as anxiety and psychosis.

Other common medications taken on an habitual basis for decades (such as antihistamines) are now being linked to dementia, so how anyone can be complacent about giving mind-altering drugs to children whose brains are still developing until they reach the age of 25, is beyond me, particularly when you know that just 4.5% of American children were diagnosed with ADHD in 1969 and this rose to 11% in 2022 and is still rising...

Are we really saying that 1 in 10 children has ADHD and needs medication or is something else going on?

I'm being completely serious. Not sure why you think otherwise.

Why is the plan to do that more weird than handing over part of your wages to a stranger you have never met. Do you go into a coffee shop and say oh hi there stranger I don't know you but I've just been paid so let me pay for your coffee. I don't know you or care about you. I doubt I will ever see you again but I desperately want to give you some of my money.

No of course not. You pay for your own and they pay for their own.

Nothing about what I said is a 'plan'. I suggested something which should never need suggested because it's so logical. A suggestion isn't a plan. It would obviously have to be thought out and implemented. Could it be any worse than what we have just now with the UK going into more and more debt each month and papers reporting IMF bailouts. I mean to me that is a mad way to run a country.

You don't think poverty exists in countries without benefits or social housing? Of course it does, children just go hungry and are homeless.

It's never that simple though, is it? Or I wouldn't have American parents of children with cancer in my group who do have insurance in tears frantically worrying over what insurance will cover, co-pays etc.

I didn't decide for my child to get cancer or to be disabled as a result of it which means that I can't work. In your world my child probably wouldn't even be able to go to school as he needs 2:1 support which I'd never be able to afford myself because I can't work.

I didn't mean to focus on the insurance it's just people kept asking about how it would work.

I'm pretty sure it works exactly like this in America or very close to it.

Our NHS is already being privatised whether you like it or not. Do you think it's an accident that GP appointments are so difficult to get but private GP's are springing up everywhere. Do you think it's an accident that ambulances take so long to come and A&E is the mess it is. Do you think it's an accident that waiting lists are so long. Of course not they know people that can pay will go private and the people that can't ......well I guessing if the goverment was honest with you they would say they don't really care about the people that can't.

Lots of people already have private health insurance in this country. What do you think BUPA and the like are for. The only thing you can't go private for nowadays is A&E. Surely not much of a leap to see how they could privatise that too.

The goverment does not have the balls to say we are scrapping the NHS. So instead they are making the service so bad and unusable that people will naturally go private until the nhs quietely disappears.

Wow. It’s pretty easy to guess which posters have no experience of disability. I need to stop reading these threads because I worry enough as it is about my disabled DS.

Interesting. Although I don't think I have too. I think i can just sit back and watch what happens in the UK when they can't keep borrowing anymore and all the wealthy have left.
Appreciate you posting though.

ADHD meds are among the most thoroughly studied medications in psychiatry. Stimulants have been used since the 1950s and have decades of safety data. The vast majority of children tolerate them well, and for many, they prevent future issues like school failure, depression, substance use, and low self-esteem.

Side effects do exist like with anything but claims that they are causing widespread psychosis or cardiovascular collapse simply aren’t supported by actual data. The studies you’re referring to show correlations in small subsets of people with pre-existing vulnerabilities.

The thing is, I do not exist in isolation.

I need others to eg grow my food; wire my house; run the sewage plant and give me clean water; make tyres for my car; teach my children; nurse my elderly parents etc etc etc.

So I need others to be educated, to be trained, to be socialised, to be housed, to be kept well, in order to fulfil all the jigsaw pieces of my life that I cannot do for myself.

If I refuse to pay taxes for schools, how can I expect an educated workforce to be available? If I don’t want my streets to be populated by the homeless, sick, dead and dying, I need there to be healthcare for all. If I want children not to be abused or starved or assaulted, I need there to be police, social care and funding for the poorest families.

It is ludicrous to assume that, if you withdraw payment for anything other than your direct personal benefit, everything will carry on as before, providing everything you want and maintaining a civilised society.

Thanks to everyone who has posted. I understand people fearing a new system but whether we like it or not the UK is broke. How long do you really think we can keep borrowing each month to pay our bills.
How long before we are downgraded again. How long before our bond interest is so high that it takes up all the income just to pay this.
What do people think is going to happen.

Rich are leaving. (thus the exit tax planned for the budget). A huge number are not working or retired. A huge amount of those working are getting benefits as well. The debt of the UK is getting bigger each month. We have nothing left to sell. Everything is already owned by China.

The budget is the latest it has ever been. Of course changes are afoot. If they don't change things they will be forced into it which will be worse.

In America, yes the - hugely inefficient and expensive- healthcare system
is insurance funded, with some getting access to the best of everything and many getting access to little or nothing despite paying expensive premiums. I have not noticed the number of children born to poorer families being dramatically reduced as a result? Nor have I seen any suggestion that the model is planned to extend into other ares of rubbish collection, education, school transport etc etc.

i'd love to know what ANY of this ridiculous, pie in the sky conversation has to do with Ablism on MN.

Talk about a thread hijack.