To think a lot of MN are ableist?

[Sweetlifeofyours]

So I wasn’t going to post but as a mum with a disabled child myself I feel like I have to get things off my chest. I have read a couple of threads over the past week or so regarding mothers who are looking for advice and support for their disabled child/children (2 that stick out to me)

I was very sad to see that there were only a few posters who actually gave support and advice to the OP’s. The rest were in my opinion, downright rude and nasty and clearly just wanted to upset the OP’s even more for whatever reason.

As a mum with a SEN child, it is incredibly difficult and I myself don’t always get the correct help and support I need so to come on here and see that other women/parents show their (somewhat) true opinions of disabled children upset me.

I am completely 100% on board that autism shouldn’t be an excuse for everything, but surely some compassion wouldn’t go amiss to a struggling parent.

One of the worst things I read was a poster saying to the OP that they should make sure their child doesn’t turn into a sex offender because he enjoys hugs. Says more to me about the poster rather than the OP and their child.

I guess my AIBU is, do you think people (maybe especially on here) should have more compassion for the disabled community or have you read threads where you agree with the majority of comments (especially where we are talking about young children)?

I understand your point but I believe that you assume that the care is automatically the state's responsibility. Lots of people care for their loved ones. They have done since the dawn of time.

The welfare state is there to support but ultimately it relies on us all caring as much as possible for our loved ones still. It simply couldn't cope with the alternative.

Where is the father? Too many are let off the hook.

Fair point

Who lets absent and non paying fathers of the hook. It's not the mothers but the state! what do you want mothers in such situations to do?

I think a lot of parents will want to do it themselves and accept this, but it is a ‘favour’ to the state when they do it for less cost than another carer would cost.

But yes, I, and many others help pay for the welfare state to be available for those who need it. People need to be able to care for there disabled children and afford to live and therefore be paid by the state to care for their child (which costs less so does do the state a favour) OR go out to work in another job and therefore have a carer for their child. That is the welfare state that we pay for! They can’t care for their child and live on nothing!

If I was going to blame the mothers I would have. I would like a welfare state with more teeth. Taxpayers should be the last resort when it comes to absent parents - father and mothers.

Had you looked into it or just assume that because you personally weren't aware, that there are no issues? You're so far off the mark.

@MumChp
apologies as I’d said upthread it’s actually the Netherlands.
See article about paediatric euthanasia, the creation of the Groningen protocol etc:
https://adc.bmj.com/content/110/5/397

@usedtobeaylis
I’m not saying that they have a lesser proportion of kids with non-physical disabilities, just that they don’t cost the state anywhere as much as in the UK, nor do they impact other children in school anywhere as much as it happens in the Uk (disruption, violence, etc.)
Asking any Chinese person who has a foot in the Uk and in China (as a foreigner I’ve a few friends like that) and they’ll tell you that.

Fucking hell. Would you like us to have the attitude towards disabled people, including children that is so prevalent in China? I really wouldn’t.

Fucking hell. Would you like us to have the attitude towards disabled people, including children that is so prevalent in China? I really wouldn’t.

Yanbu. Some peoples views on MN and in general society about disabled people (adults and children) and their parents are disgusting. Even some people with SEN relatives hold these disgusting views, I've met a couple of them.

@SlowlyFalling
again we’re perhaps talking cultural differences. (See another example above re the Netherlands.)

What are the specific things that you’d reproach the Chinese here - rather than blanket assumptions? Again different countries do things differently than the Uk, and not necessarily worse in all respects.

Not blanket assumptions. My SIL is Chinese, diagnosed as an adult in the UK as autistic, one of her and my brothers children is autistic. Thankfully he was born here. She said she will never go back to China, nor take her children there due to the treatment of autistic people. Shes seen the treatment of disabled people first hand throughout her younger years and in her niece who is autistic that still lives there. It’s fucking horrendous! I think she’d know. To try to say it’s not worse, fuck me, do go away.

@SlowlyFalling
but how is it actually worse? Concretely?
I mean I’ve heard people say that it’s worse in France too - that beggars belief. I’d like to hear actual factual descriptions, before I believe the Uk is the crème de la creme, best place on earth..!

You want me to detail the appalling things my SIL has told me about neglect, blaming mothers, shame and abuse, to you, who seems to think it’s a good thing because due to those things, disabled/ND people don’t impact others as much and it’s cheaper. Jog on and be careful what you wish for.

FFS.

This is a pretty inevitable direction given where we are in society now, I think.

I live in Canada, a board of doctors making recommendations recently recommended that MAID (assisted death, ie euthanasia, in this context) be extended to infants. And many people abort a disabled fetus because they think it is too hard on parents and a disabled life isn't worth living. That's not an unusual opinion, it's ubiquitous.

I expect that here in Canada euthanasia of disabled newborns could be a thing in 50 years.

No one is forcing abortions of disabled fetus' to save taxpayers money though and that is what the poster was advocating.

Killing disabled newborns because they will cost too much money. Parents seemingly not having any say.

@TempestTost
This has already started in the Netherlands with the Groningen protocol.

ADHD is an umbrella term for a multitude of issues with a multitude of causes and medication is prescribed in ever increasing and alarming numbers for the past few decades with little or no real evidence of it doing the children involved any good in the long-term - it's another social experiment by big pharma.

Below is an interesting video from Sir Ken Robinson who touches on this topic and provides some data which should be of concern to anyone with children.

He starts talking about ADHD at 4 minutes 12 seconds.

Hi Sunsetswimming

there are lots of articles on-line about how dramatically the definition of autism has changed since the fifties to the present day - below is one:

https://azaunited.org/blog/how-the-autism-diagnosis-has-evolved-over-time

@BoredZelda

"No healthcare professional in the field of neurological disability would ever insist someone couldn’t manage their symptoms and could never work. "

This demonstrates complete naivety or wishful thinking on your part.

Fyi, a male nurse specifically told my young relative she would never get into college if she did not take the drugs they were giving her when she wanted to stop taking them herself aged 18. This is one reason I am so angry at how the medical care she has received is turning her into a life-long patient instead of helping her.

Also, if you were following any news over the past 15 years, you might of heard of the transgender epidemic where many healthcare professionals were more than happy to tell distressed young people they needed both drugs and surgery to deal with their mental distress.

The opioid scandal in America is another example where 450,000 people died as a result of Purdue Pharma pushing sales of oxycontin to boost profits regardless of the impact to patients. These people were prescribed oxycontin for too long by doctors they trusted who were doing the bidding of big pharma who fund a lot of training for doctors, nurses and other medical professionals.

Just like Nazi Germany. Aktion T4.

Absolute rubbish.

The help medication brings is often life changing.

ADHD is under diagnosed and under treated in this country.

www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-2/