To be frustrated by DofE requirements

[Frenchcremefraiche]

My daughter has just turned 15 and is trying to complete (well, START tbh!) her Bronze DofE.

On paper it's fine: learn something and do some volunteering.

In reality it's really, really hard! All suggestions appreciated!

There are so many exclusions to the skill requirement. She doesnt get home from school until 6 which limits evenings. Not that there are many lessons/groups after school anyway. Then there are so few activities that count as a skill on the weekend. Anything vaguely "sporty" doesnt count as a skill even if it's something she's never done before and is going to classes to learn it (eg ice skating). She's been doing online guitar lessons but because she started those before DofE, they dont count. There is a minimum hours requirement and Ive found a few in person classes but they arent long enough. It needs to be something in person because it needs to be signed off so teaching herself or doing something at home wont count.

Then volunteering, because of her age, very few places can help. Any informal groups that are willing to take her want a parent present because they cant take responsibility for her / arent DBS checked etc which I get but obviously she doesnt want me hanging about. It has to be a regular thing so she cant organise eg an afternoon litter pick. Plus she needs someone to sign it off anyway. She looked at helping at a local beaver/scout group but one said no and the other has her ex boyfriend helping so she said no. In her naive 15year old way she wont help at brownies because they are "sexist".

Any suggestions on what she can do? She's on the verge of having to quit because she cant meet the requirements.

I can't remember if she said if it's a private school but studio schools teach this age group only:

www.studioschoolstrust.org/

It sounds like a UTC which is 14-19. They still exist in some areas.

DC did litter picking for the local council volunteer for Bronze.

Gold DC volunteered at a care home it was difficult as DC was 16/17 (youngest in year) so had to go through loads of safeguarding. Helped with meals and playing games with the residents.

Skills my DC did singing lessons for their Gold and sang in public at a show 😂

She doesnt like that its primarily aimed at girls and does "girly" activities (her words). Most of the scout camps she's been to, that has been reinforced eg the Guide camp next to her scouts made them spend time sewing tent decorations instead of doing the activities, at another event the leaders wouldnt let some of the Brownies do activities when the Cubs were doing the same thing and on anpyher of the camps, the scouts contingent have been in tents but the guides were indoors. I dont know the reasons for this. They may be perfectly reasonable, they may be the choice of the brownies/guides themselves etc but it has all reinforced her perception.

It's a very, very good UTC. I feel the need to say it's very good as people automatically criticise them! 🤣Students who want to do languages, music, art, drama etc just dont go there. She is very into science and tech so its perfect for her.

I mentioned this in my earlier comments. Mine goes to a very good UTC and doesn't get home until after 6pm. Also, she chose to go there as she was more interested in engineering and science more than any of the other subjects at a state school.
I agree, some just don't understand these colleges and the opportunities they provide.

This is the parkrun take on D of E https://docs.google.com/document/d/16wyFqGq8AER0grFK-LOBN340iwAfrrVt2Tn8JHDkxgw/edit

She needs to actually go to a unit and talk to the girls and see what it's really like. She's been somewhat "brainwashed" by Scouting, who does sometimes have this attitude of teasing/taunting Guiding for being "girly" for ages
Girlguiding does have different regulations regarding some activities which mean that they can't always do the same activities
Sleeping indoors vs sleeping outdoors also isn't being "girly", that's just preference.
And girls are given the choice on what they want to do a lot of the time so might well pick the sewing etc

Also worth asking her "do you think labelling things like crafts as girly and acting like that's a bad thing is sexist itself?"

Because it's worrying tbh that she thinks that way

God, this sounds boring.

How is it boring?! For a child who aspires to be an engineer? There is nothing in mainstream schools that fill this education gap. When she finishes at 6th form here she will have far more experience and knowledge giving her more of an edge to getting a pretty decent apprenticeship.
Why give such a rude comment?
Oh, yeah, so you can get a response to fill your boring day 😂

Quit. That is what we did. DofE is of no consequence for future academics. It really only counts if your career objective is officer in the armed forces or peace corps…

She has enough extra-curriculars with guitar and ice skating. If you are doing this with an eye on Oxbridge look into a supra-curricular activity instead.

I don’t think it’s worrying she thinks that way at all. I spent my entire girlhood in the girl guides being insanely jealous of the Boy Scouts. We got classes on infant care, cooking, sewing. I got all excited to go to a winter camp one year only to be stuck inside learning how to crochet Christmas tree decorations while the Boy Scouts across the way were learning how to kayak and zip line. The closest I got to learning camping skills were gentle nature walks where we collected leaves and flowers for our scrap books. Vom vom vom.

Thank god girls can choose to not like ‘girly’ things today and for you pretend there is no such thing as girly things in our patriarchal society that definitely codes everything pink or blue is what is worrying to me.

I hope yours enjoys it as much as mine does. 😊

The support from local business make them I think. We're really lucky that we have a few local world leading businesses who are really investing in it. We were shown the science labs on a walk around and they said they were kitted up to the same standard as one of these companies. I know one of the other businesses actually hires one of the rooms that has specialist equipment in it and students use that same equipment.

I think if there is (literally!) the buy in from businesses and students know what they are taking on (ie what subjects they'll be doing, the extra commitment etc) then they offer a really good opportunity.

The teachers at ours are so passionate and seem to genuingely enjoy it. I think it helps that the extra funding the school gets, means the teachers are paid more and the school can buy in the stuff they need.

My DC and their friends wanted to quit many times. Some did. We left the decision up to my DC. It is such a hard thing to complete especially the GOLD DofE. I wouldn’t do it. But, my DC stuck it out and is glad they did and had the GOLD DofE finished by the time they went to University. The same as passing their driving test.

I agree no parents should pressure their DC into completing it as it is such a tough thing to do. Especially if they’ve never done it themselves too. The GOLD DofE expedition is brutal IMO and that’s just reading about it! I still can’t believe my DC completed it!

OP there is nothing wrong with quitting and giving up on it. Leave the decision to your DD. You’ve asked for advice which has been given but ultimately the decision to continue or quit has to be your DC’s.

Why? At GCSE level children choose what they like and many definitely don't choose art, music etc.

It is really important that everyone knows what they are getting into when they go to a UTC. It absolutely wont suit everyone. It is quite a narrow range of subjects but she loves it. She codes "for fun" and loves spreadsheets and soldering.

She doesnt feel (and nor do we) that she is missing out by not doing humanities, languages or art etc.

Im actually very arty so was quite sad when I realised that it isnt her "thing" but that's OK.

Even if she decides that she wants to do something completely different after her GCSEs, the school has had such a positive influence on her.

Sge actually did GCSE art for a year and decided it wasnt for her. She also had music lessons from 1st year in primary school to when she left her last school. The problem with the last year she did them was that they clashed with her maths class and she felt she was falling behind with her maths so she decided to give them up. It was a shame as she really enjoyed them.

So she does online music lessons now.

Any suggestions on what she can do? She's on the verge of having to quit because she cant meet the requirements.

@Frenchcremefraiche I remember my son struggled to find places for volunteering too. We even asked at the local church if he could do anything to help and, to my astonishment, they said "no" but then I was very surprised to find out that they accepted volunteering at the local Park Run, so maybe worth asking?

See if she’d want to train for and enter any of these computing competitions.
https://www.computingatschool.org.uk/resources/2012/september/competitions-and-challenges

(ignore the 2012 in the link and the boy in the picture, it was last updated in June 2025)

Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I would hope the tent decorations was the girl's choice. Although there is nothing wrong with incorporating crafts and we have to cover a variety of activities for all the girls.
With regards to not being allowed to do the same activities there are rules regarding "war game" type activities against each other as Guiding promotes word peace and resolving conflicts peacefully. Target shooting can be done, but targets must not be human or animal shaped (asfaik Scouts have the same rule re targets?).
I'm a bit in the fence about this, as guiding does promote activities with the army. And I quite frankly don't see the harm in paintballing and lazer tag. But this isn't rooted in sexism, although I'm quite sure there will be remarks from scouts at joint camps.
And indoors/outdoors tends to just be a choice, whether it's preference or based on the needs of that particular cohort, it's not a general guiding thing.

Edited to add, your DD's school sounds really interesting, I didn't realise such a thing existed. It wouldn't have been for me as I'm a design based person, but we do need to cater for kids who have clear skills and needs in certain areas and stop forcing them down a one size fits all pipeline.

OP both my kids did Bronze, Silver and Gold, so I have a little experience of this! The Bronze volunteering was definitely the hardest to sort due to them being 14/15.

My son couldn't find anything he wanted to do for 1 hour a week so he volunteered with the county Wildlife Trust and that was for 4-5 hours one Sunday a month which was accepted as fine. So if you can find something that equates to 1 hour a week, but it's in one block once a month that might work. My husband had to go with him due to his age, but once he was post 16 he could be dropped off there so he did it for Silver as well. For Gold he went back to his secondary school and helped with the students doing Bronze for 18 months. My daughter helped at netball training at her old primary school which doesn't seem to be an option for you timewise.

I also just wanted to make the point that the D of E is supposed to be inclusive and accessible, so in the case of many of the things people have suggested but you have said the school have rejected, I believe the school is wrong and it may well be worth pushing back at them. Not everyone can pay for music lessons or whatever, but this should NOT be a barrier.Eg for Bronze skill my daughter baked something at home every week, using different skills biscuits, cake, bread, pastry, meringues etc, wrote it up, took photos, sometimes took it into her tutor on Mondays to sample and the tutor signed it all off at the end of the 3 months.

Good luck.

How many charity shops have you tried? My friend’s son did his at a charity shop and he was only 14 so it can’t be the policy in all charity shops.

There are schemes where you can read online with children so this could also be an option for her after school?

Why do you keep going on about her ex?
shes 15 years old ffs!!
She needs to grow up and knock on a few of the neighbours doors, whether she knows them or not!

I have had kids at my school help out at the lunch time club i run for the volunteering bit so something like that might be possible.

Might there also be a school run club that would count as a skill?

A school that lasts til 5.30pm every single day! My child has so many extra curricular activities that she'd miss out on due to spending long days at school like this.

Either she’s asking the wrong questions or she’s being given incorrect answers. You can absolutely develop something you already do. As long as she identifies a clear goal and makes progress towards it, it counts.

Either the school are making additional requirements beyond the scope of DofE, or she’s misunderstanding. Have a REALLY good look on the DofE website, or go the step further and email them with some really specific queries. They’re very good at either responding directly or getting you in touch with the person your school reports to, who would likely be very unimpressed at how many barriers the school are putting in place.

https://www.dofe.org/contact-us