To be frustrated by DofE requirements

[Frenchcremefraiche]

My daughter has just turned 15 and is trying to complete (well, START tbh!) her Bronze DofE.

On paper it's fine: learn something and do some volunteering.

In reality it's really, really hard! All suggestions appreciated!

There are so many exclusions to the skill requirement. She doesnt get home from school until 6 which limits evenings. Not that there are many lessons/groups after school anyway. Then there are so few activities that count as a skill on the weekend. Anything vaguely "sporty" doesnt count as a skill even if it's something she's never done before and is going to classes to learn it (eg ice skating). She's been doing online guitar lessons but because she started those before DofE, they dont count. There is a minimum hours requirement and Ive found a few in person classes but they arent long enough. It needs to be something in person because it needs to be signed off so teaching herself or doing something at home wont count.

Then volunteering, because of her age, very few places can help. Any informal groups that are willing to take her want a parent present because they cant take responsibility for her / arent DBS checked etc which I get but obviously she doesnt want me hanging about. It has to be a regular thing so she cant organise eg an afternoon litter pick. Plus she needs someone to sign it off anyway. She looked at helping at a local beaver/scout group but one said no and the other has her ex boyfriend helping so she said no. In her naive 15year old way she wont help at brownies because they are "sexist".

Any suggestions on what she can do? She's on the verge of having to quit because she cant meet the requirements.

Definitely is possible we’ve had DofE volunteers at my Rainbow and Brownie units and they can be extremely valuable helpers.

Perhaps you could explain to her that Girlguiding is not ‘sexist’ it provides a girl-only safe space for girls and young women to learn, grow, make friends, and build confidence in a supportive environment. https://www.girlguiding.org.uk/information-for-parents/why-guiding-great-for-girls/

She doesn't need to be there 'in person'. As I said in a previous post my daughter taught herself crochet and took pictures of her progress. She had a neighbour (who was into crafting) sign this off.
If that's what she has been told - it's wrong.

Wow. I didnt expect this many replies - thank you! I will read them through in detail but to answer some points that Ive noticed:

Yes my daughter wants to do this. Yes she knows it wont mean anything on her CV (apart from the voluntary stuff depending on what it is). She has plenty of other stuff on her CV.

She has been trying to sort it out herself including going to all the charity shops, reasearching ideas to check etc. She has been leading this but is stuck so has asked me for help. This is not unreasonable.

She is doing it through school.

Her school runs a typical work day so 0900-1730 which is why she gets home so late and why there isnt opportunity to do much after school eg most cubs/beavers etc all start too early.

Her school is only year 10 and 11 so no younger children to help over lunch etc. She wanted to set up a lunch time group for something but the teachers said no as there needed to be staff present. Similarly they said that if she wants to do a litter pick or whatever at school, a teacher needs to be there but they cant.

There arent any lunch clubs and there aren't any after school clubs (because of the time I guess). They dont do music or language lessons.

Charity shops have all said no because of her age and/or have said they dont need volunteers when she can help. I dont think this is a her thing because she actually comes across well when she wants to (and she wanted to volunteer in a charity shop). Someone specifically mentioned BHS, we dont have one of those and sometimes else mentioned Oxfam. The only Oxfam isnt in town but there is a random one somewhere else so I'll suggest there to her.

I dont drive and a lot of the activities that run later eg cadets are too late to get back on by bus. She does Scouts (Exporers) once a week and gets back at 1030 and that leaves her really tired the next day. She has always needed a lot of sleep!

I've tried to explain about Rainbows/Brownies but she's 15 and knows best so... plus I wonder if the times will be a problem anyway.

I have emailed the local Park Run. We only have one which is quite a way away but with an early start is doable. She's an early riser so it wont bother her too much. Thank you for that idea.

It seems the school may be putting some extra T&Cs on it. I'll have her do some research so she can go back to them and ask if it's really the case. I understand the needing to do something new argument but it is making it really hard.

The only time she can do this is a weekend if it needs to be in person.

The library has said no. I'm going to ask her to check with them again. I'll help her find a programme and identify what she could help with. She'd love to volunteer there.

We dont know our neighbours well enough for her to approach them. No local family.

I have asked around if anyone is willing to do some informal language lessons with her (paid) but only one person got back to us and that was German. My daughter had a really, really tough time at her last school with the German teacher so I do understand her not wanting to do that.

The old people's home she can help at, she wont be helping at. The CQC investigated it for abuse not so long ago, there was some sort of massive food poisoning thing. They are chronically understaffed etc...

Of the people doing it with her that I know of, one of them is helping their neighbour with music lessons (I didnt understand how), another is helping a parent's friend at an allotment (doing what Im not sure at this time of year) another one has a placement at the nice old people's home (that has no room for anyone else). One is going to a crochet class (that wont make up the time requirements), one goes to a craft session and another is starting singing lessons. There are a couple of people who are also struggling.

Someone said she was putting her own barriers in the way. This isnt the case. She has said no to a couple of things and I understand her reasoning. This isnt meant to make her miserable and if volunteering at scouts with her ex etc is going to upset her then I agree she doesnt have to do it. As an adult there are plenty of people who wouldnt want to do things for seemingly daft reasons.

Thanks again everyone, I will read all your replies in detail.

Volunteer at junior park run on a Sunday morning. My DS volunteers poppyselling so that was his sorted but he’s doing it through cadets so slightly different. He also volunteers at school with bake sales and such so she could ask school if there’s anything she can get involved with.

I meant to say OP, my older DS did volunteering for DoE during lockdown. I can't quite remember the website but basically it was a thing where you helped map unmapped areas of the world. Missing maps or something like that. It's online and was easy to do each week.

The school are 100% putting extra barriers because the following aren't true:

• it needs to be an hour a week
• it needs to be something new
• it needs to be in person
• it needs to be something with a tutor or instructor

One idea that maybe I haven't seen - could she volunteer for scouts in a different capacity? Eg. Support at a camp for younger scouts or with organizing equipment? These would count because the volunteering does not need to be an hour a week.

If she wants to do dofe but the school are insisting on those things, then she could go through a different organization? Possibly through explorers?

I went to buckingham palace with GS to get his gold. He always says we share it as I gave him lots of support.

I doubt it's the school putting up these barriers, seeing both OP and DD attitude in OPs posts..

With Scouts, has she looked near the school rather than near your home?

Two things from this. DOE bronze might not make a difference on a CV but it is sometimes a passport to silver and gold and they can make a difference.
The school are the problem, both directly in adding requirements and indirectly in the timing of the day and the lack of in school opportunities.
I am a great believer that part of this is to teach independence but it sounds as if your daughter really has put the effort in so you do need to help out. I would suggest approaching the school to query the more stringent requirements they are putting in place. Be careful that you don’t end up being volunteered to help run it though!
It could be that your daughter will have to accept that this is not the right time to do it or that she has to compromise her principles and do Rainbows. Good life lessons even if frustrating.

Apologies if these have already been mentioned, I haven’t read the whole thread.

my daughter is going to do sign language for her DofE skill https://help.british-sign.co.uk/en/article/can-i-use-this-course-for-my-dofe-award-1b2o4mm/
if you can get the school to agree it doesn’t need to be in person of course! (It officially doesn’t).

she also thought about cooking - there are loads of providers that offer a course for DofE that children can complete at home, i don’t have any recommendations as she didn’t choose it in the end, but if you google there will be lots of options.

I second what others have said about being able to continue with an existing skill like a musical instrument too.

For volunteering, she actually has ended up doing some weekly baking for a local dementia group (planning the bakes according to the needs of the group, shopping for it and baking takes at least an hour each week, plus delivering it). She also attends the group in person when she can (in the holidays as it is on a weekday).

good luck to your daughter!

Just reading through the latest replies and I have to agree that it does look like your daughter is putting barriers in place, I understand she has her reasons but they are barriers she’s allowing to stop her.

As for guides/brownies, I’m not sure where she’s got the idea they’re sexist, particularly if she’s never been to a session or talked to a leader or some of the guides themselves. Perhaps she ought to try it at least once and see what it’s all about before she knocks it? Could be a teaching moment to not be judgemental before having all information.

Also regarding CVs, it is very much a big thing to have DofE for a lot of companies, our school has careers fairs all the time and many of the companies (big and small) have said that students having DofE creditation is very highly rated due to the fact that they can demonstrate good teamwork, leadership, commitment, dedication etc, so yes it is a very good thing to have on your CV.

It sounds like you and/or your daughter need a frank discussion with the school to start with and then she needs to decide how much she really wants to do it. For example, what’s so bad about helping in the same scout group as her ex, if it means it does help to get her on the DofE ladder? Even if the breakup was bad, surely they can still be civil for 2hrs a week, or she can ignore him or ask to work with different kids than he’s working with?

Good luck getting it all sorted, and I hope she enjoys whatever skills/volunteering ideas she decides on!

Is the school some kind of specialist academy? It’s very unusual for there to be no music activities on offer at all for year 10 and 11, especially with such a long school day. What happens if a child wishes to take music GCSE?

My feeling is that your daughter is better off to forget the whole idea of doing the D of E award scheme. She has tried to look for activities and volunteering opportunities but it hasn’t worked out. The school are making it much harder for their students to participate than necessary so I would advise her not to bother.

If the only available option is Brownies and DD would rather quit than do that, and any option that involves having a parent around to take responsibility is also vetoed, perhaps she's not all that keen on continuing?

It definitely does not need to be something new.

I'm sure you are aware, but DD doesn't have to do her Duke of Edinburgh via her school.
She can register as an independent participant and will be allocated an advisor who may be more helpful than school.
This is what DS did and he loved it and completed Gold.
For things like the expedition, they are put in touch with other independent participants and complete them together.

do dofe via explorers/district scouting instead it will save you hundreds of pounds and they wont have these restrictions

I know people keep banging on about this. But as a Guiding leader, I am really wondering what she thinks is sexist about Brownies. We do have difficulty keeping teens in Guiding and I wonder if there's some prevailing mindset amongst teens that we aren't seeing. I know it often isn't seen as cool, but sexist? ...I'm drawing a blank.
The only thing I can think of is occasionally activities in some groups can lean towards girly, purely because we rely on volunteers and obviously they come with their own skill set. But all our local units are very outgoing and outdoorsy.

OP what country are you in where a school only starts in year 10, finishes at 5.30pm but has no lunchtime or after school clubs and doesnt do music or languages?

My child is at a year 10 and 11 only school (they also have 6th form). What the OP says is correct. My child's school is a technical college and they focus on engineering and only do English, Maths and Sciences alongside this. No art or music.
As with the OP, same hours for our school as they base it on 'working hours'. Mine often does not get home until after 6.

Sorry if this has already been posted, but have you looked at this?

www.dofe.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/programme_ideas_-_complete.pdf

The school is absolutely throwing up barriers that aren't true and I'd be challenging them over it

If she really wants to do it, speak to her Explorer leader about doing it via Scouting

But she does need to stop throwing up barriers.

As adults sometimes we have to work with people we don't like or get on with (or are our ex) - she could volunteer at the same place as her Ex and just request not to work with him

Also the "Guiding is sexist" is a common "joke" amongst Scouting, usually good natured ribbing between the groups.

She should try it. See what Guiding is actually like and she might change her mind. Sometimes as adults we have to face our prejudices and challenge ourselves too

My only assumption is that because it's "only for girls" and she's in Scouting, who take both girls and boys, she picked up the idea that it's sexist because it excludes boys?

Which is why I'd encourage her to go. Because girls without boys is important

Thank you for this information.

I must admit I’d have absolutely hated going to a school with no art or music. It makes me appreciate how lucky I was to go to a comprehensive school with a very wide range of subjects and activities on offer.

Going to these particular UTC's is a choice. It normally is because the child wants to focus on a certain study or career path. They do offer extra-curricular opportunities where they can choose to do something artistic and a lot of the engineering and design programmes can enhance their creativity.
Mine certainly wasn't interested in music so it isn't a problem.
That said, these schools aren't for everyone and often involved interviews etc to make sure they are suited.
Personally I loved art and music at school. But some kids just don't.
These are not private schools, we don't pay for my child to go here. The school is partnered and paid for by very big local companies.