Made myself worse

[lulubellaa]

Hi all I don't know if I'm over reacting.. was in a discussion other day with my partner and it was getting abit heated as in tones where changing etc. We were talking about cosmetic procedures Iv lost a lot of weight and my boobs aren't what they was I said oh I'd love them done he responded with you don't need them etc etc
Topic changed slightly and he then come out with and you've made your face worse since having Botox and lip filler I asked what he ment and he said in my opinion you've made your face worse ... now it's hard to judge without seeing me I know but I had 0.5ml in lips and Botox on forehead an crows feet everyone says I look well. His comment has really hurt me and made me feel self conscious he said he was being a c*nt and sorry but now I feel how I feel and how longs he been thinking this. Sounds trivial written but was harsh an unnecessary comment that was very personal. Don't know if I'm over the top though

He then added I think you're gorgeous but in my opinion abit worse than what you was and I'm allowed that opinion ... just feels like a horrible shitty thing to say about someone he's ment to love 🥴

I think he is allowed an opinion. After all it's nothing intrinsic to you - it's something you have done, which you have the option to not do. Just as if he grew/shaved a beard or shaved his head/dyed his hair blond. Would you feel unable to express an opinion on that? He's not telling you to do anything different, he's not saying he no longer finds you attractive - he's just saying he's preferred you before. That doesn't mean you need to stop doing it if it makes you happy.

For what it's worth I'm guessing it's the lips. Filled lips "ruin" faces really easily and I'm often amazed that the people who do it appear not to agree

He loves you as you are. I think he’s proven that by saying you don’t need your boobs done tbh. Many men would jump at the chance of their other half getting their boobs done.
A lot of men hate the look of women with lip fillers.

sorry, this app is glitching and crashing today!
I don’t think it’s a shitty thing to say at all. You think it’s an improvement, he loves you as you were, and as you were when he fell for you, and doesn’t think you look better like that which is fair enough.

It wasn’t the right time for him to say it, as a tit for tat during an argument, when emotions are already running high; but if DH was having cosmetic work done and I didn’t think it looked good, I’d tell him. Better to hear it from your partner, albeit it should have been said kindly. It sounds as though he’s been trying to convey that it’s unnecessary in saying you’re fine as you are and don’t need work done but it hasn’t been getting through.

He's saying he prefers your natural beauty. Maybe you should listen to him!

Obviously it's your body, and presumably your money so your choice.

But if it's to look nicer for him he clearly would rather you didn't bother go to the expense or discomfort of doing these things.

There's just such a strong aesthetic choice now that normalises a certain 'done' look as so many women have a similar appearance (e.g. fuller lips, long eyelashes, strong brows) and this may be about trends and peer pressure. Someone who's older or more natural looking might find it jarring. Maybe the people who have it done can't see it like others do, we can rarely see ourselves as others see us anyway but it's not always an improvement.
The DH is saying he preferred the more natural beauty OP had before so tone it down, carry on or stop with the procedures - your face your choice. What do your (honest) friends think - the ones who don't do this stuff?

He sounds like a guy who genuniely loves you as you are.

I like botox and filler don't look great on the majority of people. I also think it's far more noticable than some people think.

You have a confidence and self esteem issue, not a boyfriend issue.

So it sounds like he wasn’t saying it in a spiteful way aiming to hurt you, because he added on that he thinks you’re gorgeous?

I don’t really see what’s wrong with it. If my DH had Botox and fillers and I thought they were making him look worse, I would say so. He wouldn’t have to listen of course, and you don’t have to listen to your husband.
(Although if you don’t think he was saying it to hurt you, I would give more weight to his opinion than to any friends who might say “you look great!”, because they are unlikely to say anything else.)

My DP would never stop me doing what I wanted to my face but I’m completely certain he’d feel any of those things spoilt my looks because he likes the way I look now! And I’d feel the same about him. I usually do think anyone “tweaked” has spoilt how they look - I mean I’d never tell them because it’s their face and their choice, but I never think they look better.

All these fillers and botox etc makes alot of men and women look older.
I love the natural look on anyone because they look normal when most just look like clones of eachother.

Its down to them that want its there choice.

He’s not being shitty. He’s being kind, telling you that you’re ruining your face with all that you are doing to it.
He met and loves you ‘natural’, not plumped up and ironed out.

Botox and filler often do make women look worse though, and older. He probably likes a more natural look.

I think he may be worried you are going to get more 'work' done on your body and face and perhaps he's worried the real you will 'disappear' and you'll have the current look that's really strong at the moment.

He is allowed to have an opinion. There are many people who don't like the look of botox, myself included. However, calling you a cunt is completely out of order.

Unless I’m misreading it, her DH said that he was being a cunt.

Preferring your natural beauty is better than wanting you to go through cosmetic procedures.

People do say ‘you look well’ when people have had cosmetic procedures. It’s non committal yet positive. If you don’t think they look good you don’t want to say anything too positive!

He is telling you that he thought you looked better before, I don’t think that’s shitty.

He’s being honest.

You are right, I was the one who misread it. I stand corrected.
OP you seem to be needy and seeking validation from others.
Chances are everybody is telling you what you want to hear. Frankly, when was the last time you told someone after having had plastic surgery that the end result was worse off ? Surgery is such a significant decision that takes time, money, and emotional investment, and people don’t want to make someone feel they’ve wasted their effort or fallen for something that didn’t work as promised.
Your husband is the only person who is being completely honest and you should thank him. You are being extremely unfair to him.

Completely agree

He's being honest, most men don't like botox and fat lips I've 3 sons who say that. At least now you know his thoughts before you choose to have any more.

Loads of people don't like the fake look. I would be more insulted if someone preferred me with procedures than natural. I think it's actually a compliment.

Or is he worried you’re loosing weight, looking good with a little lip filler & Botox and is worried you’re going to find someone better than him and leave him.

only you know him, so only you can decide.

Another one who thinks it's nice that he loves you natural. Honestly the look atm is so odd 😐 I don't think those having it done realise how jarring it looks.

I’ve spoken to many men about it and most don’t like it, especially kissing filled lips or touching fake boobs. I wouldn’t like it if my husband changed his face
There’s a certain subset of men who like that stuff