Made myself worse

[lulubellaa]

Hi all I don't know if I'm over reacting.. was in a discussion other day with my partner and it was getting abit heated as in tones where changing etc. We were talking about cosmetic procedures Iv lost a lot of weight and my boobs aren't what they was I said oh I'd love them done he responded with you don't need them etc etc
Topic changed slightly and he then come out with and you've made your face worse since having Botox and lip filler I asked what he ment and he said in my opinion you've made your face worse ... now it's hard to judge without seeing me I know but I had 0.5ml in lips and Botox on forehead an crows feet everyone says I look well. His comment has really hurt me and made me feel self conscious he said he was being a c*nt and sorry but now I feel how I feel and how longs he been thinking this. Sounds trivial written but was harsh an unnecessary comment that was very personal. Don't know if I'm over the top though

everyone says I look well

'Everyone' really isn't going to say otherwise, are they? It's generally noticeable and the safest/nicest thing to say is that you 'look well'
Not saying you don't but don't put too much stock in 'everyone says'

Whole heartedly agree with this.

Could have been worded more delicately - perhaps if he said "I thought you were even more beautiful naturally and I don't think you should have any more alterations to your body because you look great as you are".

Obviously it's wrong that it came out in this way but I think actually it can be a bit unfair to partners when the person they're in a relationship with has cosmetic procedures done. You fall inlove with someone and they're face is often a part of this then all of a sudden they start changing it. Similarly, all these procedures do have the affect where a lot of people who have them look very similar to eachother.

It clearly hasn't changed how he feels about you but he is allowed to prefer how you naturally looked before you started with these procedures. Maybe the conversation about your breasts made him feel like he had to say something before it got out of hand.

Yes. Lip filler makes everyone look worse and I won’t change my mind on that.

He didn’t really need to say that to you though OP, unless you asked for his opinion.

I think it would’ve been more cruel to say something about a procedure that you couldn’t reverse. As this filler and Botox are temporary, he probably felt ok about feeding back to you.

Do you think you’ll have them again?

He is right, it doesn't look nice, if my husband deliberately changed his looks i would say the same to him

It is fake and looks fake same as faking baldness on men or men getting botox

Agreed, it's the polite way to say I don't like it but I don't want to tell you that.

Yes. That’s what AIBU is for, asking for opinions. Everyone is sharing their opinion.

I'm not against a 'little help' and if it's something you want to do, that's your choice. Your husband has expressed his opinion (even if it wasn't great timing) and perhaps he's not said anything previously because, he knows it's your body therefore your choice. Lip fillers in my personal opinion are probably the one thing that can look obvious and over-the-top very quickly. I don't know many men, who would think it's a fabulous look. He clearly does find you attractive, and likes you as you are - most men would have encouraged you to have a breast enlargement, when you suggested it. He's not stopping you from having Botox or lip fillers, that's still very much your choice, but he's telling you he prefers you without it. I prefer my husband clean shaven, but if he decided to grown a beard, that's his choice, I wouldn't tell him he couldn't but I'd say I prefer him without it. I wouldn't find him unattractive with a beard, as he's still my husband, I'd just prefer him without it.

I don’t think men in general like what women like- dh and the kids were looking at all the sequins and shiny clothes for Christmas and saying ‘who’d wear that?’ and I was saying night out, so many women would love getting all done up gif a big girly night at Christmas. They thought they were nuts!!

Hmm in my opinion people always look worse after lip filler, while the effect of botox depends on how much and where.

People have opinions - doesn't make ot fact.

He probably just doesn’t want you to do anything more . I wonder how you’d feel if ( like many men now ) he decided to change the face you fell in love with to look very different . I’d say it’s the change he’s struggling with rather than the look is worse … are you happy with the new look ? as that’s what matters ultimately.
p.s. I do echo what others have said about the lip stuff . It messes with the “smile” which is unique to everyone and a huge part of attraction.

Your body your face you can do what you like. But a lot of people think filled lips look ridiculous

Not just ridiculous - ugly. They transform attractive faces into ugly ones in my opinion.

You’re free to do what you like to your own body but he’s not obligated to find it attractive.

Most people will say something looks great even if it didn’t because they are being polite.

he is allowed to not like something and to think it spoils your looks . And then he sees it upset you are apologised - seems like a decent and honest bloke

I saw a photo of someone I know just recently who has obviously just had lip fillers.

surprisingly, I thought they looked good. But I know that won’t last long. Like everyone else she will start getting them bigger and bigger and soon the visible needle marks will appear.

for a moment I was tempted to try it. But then remembered what a slippery slope it is, and nobody ever seems to know when to stop.

I think it’s all a bit emperors new clothes. If enough people get it done they can start kidding themselves on that it’s normal.

as others have said, in an arguement wasn’t the best time to say it, but he really is the only person who is likely to tell you the truth

filler always looks bad. subtile botox can work.

The lip filler thing I really don’t understand either. I’ve never seen anyone and thought ‘what you need is lip filler’.

DP had her teeth done a couple of years ago. She's always hated them, they're a bit skewiff and discoloured, so she had veneers done on the top row last year, because we could afford them

Objectively, she looks better. And she's more confident, and smiles more freely.

But. I don't like them. I'll never say anything, but I miss her smile. She has a nice smile now, but it's not the smile I've spent 20 years with, not the smile I fell in love with. I'm happy she's happy, and at the end of the day it's a tiny part of her, so I'll live with it.

But if that was just the first step, and suddenly there was something else she wanted done, then I can see myself panicking and saying something. If she had a boob job like you're planning OP, then maybe it might be important enough to say something, and maybe I'd panic and not say it well. I love her boobs, and if they changed, then they wouldn't be hers any more, and yes, that would bother me, in the same way her teeth do.

Your husband has been clumsy as fuck @lulubellaa , but he's trying to tell you he loves you, and that these cosmetic procedures make you a little less "you"

I've just caught a glimpse of Ruby Wax on 'I'm A Celebrity...' Her face now is a perfect example of the dangers of having work done on your face. People seem to end up chasing some impossible ideal and looking worse and worse.

Hells bells. I've just seen a clip of Ruby Wax too. OMFG. She looks like a Halloween mask.

Exactly. I had to rewind to check that i wasn't imagining things. Whoever did that to her face (and I expect charged a lot for it) should be struck off.

He’s allowed an opinion OP…