Childminders at soft play

[Hollygolightly89]

I visited a soft play with my 3 year old yesterday morning. There was a group of childminders about 3 or 4 of them and they each had a couple of children. They mostly sat in the baby part of the soft play chatting in a group with their backs turned to the children the whole time and also constantly on their phones, even when the children were eating they were on their phones. Most of the children they had went off into the soft play alone and most of them looked under 2. I was quite shocked by this because if I was paying for a childminder I wouldn’t expect them to be on their phones and my child let loose in the soft play. At various points the children were crying for various reasons and they acted like it was a massive chore to go and get them. I aslo heard them speaking negatively about the children like “oh guess who’s crying again”.

Yup, I've witnessed this too. Not nice, and very much a factor in me using a nursery.

I ended up having to use a childminder for after-school because the school's club had no places, and I was not keen even for an older child. Thankfully the one we use seems lovely and I've never heard or seen anything that concerned me. But I did mention that I'd seen childminders at the local soft play who ignored their charges and she was very defensive about it.

I had a childminder who tutored my disabled son (paid for by LA) and I found out she basically just gave him her personal phone for hours every week and he watched YouTube.

I’ve been to a stay and play where there were a few like this. Rocked up with their multi-berth prams, plonked themselves in a corner and ignored the kids. Once when one fell over I got to her first and gave comfort while looking around for whoever it was was with her - CM finally got there rolling her eyes that child was crying. Awful really that a completely stranger was more likely to give comfort.

I have friends who have been quite sneering of using nurseries because they use CMs who are much more personal. I don’t know if it’s because the most well-used one at my primary was roundly hated, but I could never get my head round it.

Omg nurseries are no better!! Don't kid yourself that they don't photograph a 5 minute activity and the rest of the time the staff are chatting to each other.

Honestly, no form of childcare is perfect. I had a childminder who wasn't like this at all. I chose her after seeing her every week at a local toddler group.

She was not perfect BUT

• she was consistent. Friends with kids in nursery had as many as 4 or 5 key workers between the ages of 1 & 4. Often their key worker wasn't even in some of the days they were. The nurseries also often paid lip service to what a key person relationship is there to be, that children need for healthy attachment.
• she had smaller numbers & mixed age ranges. lots of nurseries have a baby room/tween room/preschool structure with as many as 10 kids in room. This is terrible and doesn't mimic what happens in a family. Its done because its more cost effective than working out ratios with mixed age ranges. A normal mum doesn't have 3 babies to look after. Three babies all have similar needs. Its more effective to have mixed age ranges as one person can better meet the needs of a baby plus toddler plus older child - you can be holding baby, interacting with toddler and chatting to older child, but you can't hold 3 babies at once. My kids got far more space and attention in a home environment and the cm had to deliver the same EYFS curriculum a nursery does

I have found the same whenever the childminders meet up with each other in these kinds of spaces. Very much looks like a social for them rather than watching the kids closely. Then again I know I've been guilty as a mum of taking my eye off the ball a bit on the few times I've been in a big group of mums at these things, but childminders are being paid hard earned money to care for the kids so yes it's not acceptable.

People are so addicted to phones :(

It's a hard profession, I certainly couldn't watch that many children and give each one exactly what they need, but it is hard to see when you know there's a working parent out there paying for care for their kids who might not be getting the attention they need.

I was at a park with my son and a childminder had her hands so full with three toddlers that the fourth was just strapped crying in his pram. That cry that cuts through you, so I got chatting to her and she was so dismissive of him! Said how he was whingy and had been premature so wasn't walking yet like the others, broke my heart tbh.

Ooh goody! We havent have one of these threads this week. I think it's important to not assume not all cms are the same. Indeed some people havent even realised I'm a cm until I tell them.

I'm a childminder and I have 2 cm friends i do most outings with. We rarely go to soft play or playgroups but when we do it's a mix of having a catch up, including about the children sometimes (X's mum wants to potty train next week, Y's dad has a new job so she's doing an extra day) but it's not slagging them off at all, just conversation about our work). And then the rest of the time we spread ourselves around the soft play, playing and watching our and each other's children because thats helpful and the children all know us all very well.

I think if you saw the snippet of us sitting having a drink and talking you might draw a terrible conclusion (?) that if we do that in public what must we be doing behind closed doors? Well I'll be feeding them lunch, changing nappies, rocking babies to sleep, playing games, setting up crafts, tidying the playroom, reading stories, singing nursery rhymes...

At soft play they go off and burn some energy and play with friends. I watch them so carefully, I always pick them up and cuddle when they cry, maybe have one sitting on my knee if they dont want to play and shock, I might even have a piece of cake and a cup of tea! I have to eat, I work 8-6 with no one to take the children for an hour whilst I have lunch.

I think a good barometer is would I change if one of my parents was there watching me? (This has actually happened before). No I wouldn't. I'm confident I strike a good balance between interacting and monitoring them and standing back and observing, letting them play and investigate. I should also say this is for my older ones. The baby would always be with me.

Same, we picked a childminder who had fantastic reviews - I came to pick up early one day as my work building closed early for an emergency, let myself in through the coded side gate as we were asked to do for pick up and found my 2 year old strapped into a car seat on the floor with no adults present in the building apart from the childminders 90 year old mum who could barely walk. She arrived back 10 mins later shocked to find me there and had the nerve to tell me off for not messaging to say I was doing an early pick up! I reported to ofsted but nothing was done.

Yes, I spent a good 8 years in play centres, toddler groups and other kid places and saw some shocking childminders. From toddlers/kids being left unsupervised doing some really dangerous things to shockingly OTT punishments of misbehaving little ones. Made me so sad for the children and the parents who were trusting these people. I'm sure there are lots of lovely, caring, conscientious childminders but I didn't see many!

Oh my fucking God!

I don’t need a childcare setting to replicate a family. I need to know my children are being cared for, their needs met and being given appropriate stimulation, food and drink.

If that’s happening and the adults want to have a chat, please do.

But not at the expense of my child, please.

I see similar in the Library I go to.

CM or parent, this was my experience of soft play or similar places back in the day.

If anyone was actually playing with their child/ children, half of the room would latch on to that adult. Was quite sad really!

Some adults seem surgically attached to their seats at these places.

I'm confident that the nursery I used was better. It had windows you could see into from the corridors before you reached the room, so you could have a good look at what was going on. The staff were always engaged and busy with the kids.

That said, I did visit some nurseries I wouldn't have left my child at for anything. There are some shit ones.

You take kids to places like this precisely because the kids can run off and entertain themselves with other kids. It’s fun for kids and a break for the parent /carer from the one to one time you give the children at home, enabling the parent/carer to chat to other adults.

My oldest sons childminder was absolutely dreadful. She once text me to tell me my son couldn't go to hers if he hadn't slept the night before and hadnt had breakfast. My children always have breakfast and the reason he wasn't sleeping at night is because she was letting him nap for 5 hours in the daytime!! She also sat and chatted, didnt bother him the dcs except her own ones. She thought her kids were wonderfully behaved although her son was hurting the mindees. He scratched my son badly once. She tried to say he was dropped off with a huge red scratch down his cheek (he wasnt). I sacked her and took a different job. I believe another parent did the same not long afterwards.

My middle child and youngest kids childminder was fabulous. I actually planned to put my middle child into nursery after my experience with dc1 childminder but then met this childminder at playgroups etc. She was so engaged with the charges and they all loved her. After seeing this for a few week's I found out she had a space coming up so booked her.

The phone use when eating is particularly bad practice. New guidance for early years is that children should be supervised (as in eyes facing children not phone!) at all times when eating by a peadiatric first aider.

I’ve no issue with that either but I don’t want my child at some shitty soft play several times a week and I wouldn’t want to send my child somewhere that did.

Hmm is the CM meant to be behind every kid climbing up a slide? Or hovering behind some craft making. ? I understand what people are saying but I think some people have ridiculous expectations. For example in the church hall type place the idea is that you have a cuppa while the child plays , not you trail around after them.

So the " accidents" you saw could they have been prevented if a parent was there in the room ( not hovering behind child)

For balance I do also think that learning to entertain yourself is an important skill that some children won't learn if they are constantly followed around and interacted with.

That's what playgroups are for. The children are playing in an enclosed area and you get a break.
Doesn't matter you are a parent or a paid professional. You're there to help them, resolve any issue they might have but you let them do their own thing.
They are building their confidence, making new friends, trying new things.
Nothing wrong with just sitting and observing as long as you know when your children are.

I was a childminder for 21 years.
I didn't go to soft play centres unless I had only one child in my care as it is too difficult to properly supervise multiple children in that environment; particularly if they are a range of ages.
I belonged to a childminders group which I ended up leaving because they said I thought I was better than them. This was due to the fact that I supervised my charges properly when out at toddler groups, rather than sit a d gossip with them. I always ensured that those with additional needs were entertained sufficiently when we were out together as group; to ensure they didn't cause problems or inadvertently hurt smaller children. The other childminders stopped speaking to me and no longer included me in group outings. I was puzzled as to why, until I asked one who I was friends with outside of childminding. She told me. I was not going to change my ways to be like them so started going to different groups by myself.

I remember starting a thread like this and got torn apart but I completely agree! There is a soft play I took my DS to. The childminders went on the same morning as me. Got the children in and then it was gossip time.
No care, no affection, no time or attention. Literally ignored for the entire session, dumped in the buggy and off at the end. I was shocked in the beginning but it became a pattern I observed over the years. Once we started school I became friends with one of the mums of these children. Literally sang the childminder’s praises! Had no idea. All she saw was the photos, of which they made sure they took many…

Yeah but the issue is many of us have seen the children’s carers NOT observing. Not intervening with regards to poor behaviour. Not changing their soiled nappies. Not having a handle on whereabouts in the room they are. Not supervising eating or drinking or messy activities involving glue and small parts. Not comforting an injured/distressed child.

To dress any of that up as ‘teaching independence’ is simply misguided and lazy. Of course you should let them play, but you’re meant to be totally responsible for them, and preferably as soon as they need you not when you’ve finished your convo/eaten another custard cream.

I never claimed all childminders were bad. I was just sharing my experience of 2 hours at a local soft play. Plus like others I’ve seen similar at toddler groups in church halls but not as bad as the behaviour I witnessed yesterday. The bare minimum would have been to check on the children every 15 minutes or so, and I’ve never used a CM but I’d have been livid if my toddler was left to roam the soft play alone whilst the woman I was paying was sat glued to her phone, but if other people are cool with their child minders doing that then fair enough!

Yes the parents are likely non the wiser, and as a parent this makes me very sad. I’d have been livid if I was paying these women to take care off my child and they sat glued to their phones with their backs turned. God only knows how they behave with them in their own houses.