Childminders at soft play

[Hollygolightly89]

I visited a soft play with my 3 year old yesterday morning. There was a group of childminders about 3 or 4 of them and they each had a couple of children. They mostly sat in the baby part of the soft play chatting in a group with their backs turned to the children the whole time and also constantly on their phones, even when the children were eating they were on their phones. Most of the children they had went off into the soft play alone and most of them looked under 2. I was quite shocked by this because if I was paying for a childminder I wouldn’t expect them to be on their phones and my child let loose in the soft play. At various points the children were crying for various reasons and they acted like it was a massive chore to go and get them. I aslo heard them speaking negatively about the children like “oh guess who’s crying again”.

Not surprised either. I have also only met one child minder who I would let look after my kids. She was out walking with four of them pushing a buggy incase anyone was tired and also walking her dog. The kids/toddlers were doing a combination of walking, cycling on those tiny balance bikes and resting. They stopped to have a picnic on the outdoor tables. She didn’t play on her phone once. She was pretty, kind, extremely calm and nice to the kids/toddlers who calmly took own litter to the bin when finished or when asked with no kick offs.

I said to her you look like you have your hands full she said yes they aren’t mine I am a childminder (mine are all grown up now).

I don't look down on them. Looking after other people is vital and takes skills. If people were paid what they were worth, and what they contribute, they would earn more than bankers. But I'm not in charge of society.

I absolutely know there are good childminders out there (as seen by some of this thread) who love and nature their kids are well trained and hard working.

But I agree with your first statement absolutely. I've seen so many times on here that nurseries are leading to children becoming "institutionalised" (by people who know nothing about what institutional care actually is) and that children going to nursery is the sole reason for the poor mental crisis amongst young people. Complete ignoring factors such as a lack of freedom amongst young people now, rise in social media and the cut to public services. And that it would also be impossible to provide any research into this because you would need to have a group of children who had the exact same home life, exact same experiences of friendship, school and all other aspects of life where the only difference is whether they went to nursery or not to enable it to show whether it made a difference to mental health or not and of course this is impossible to do.

What do you mean beauticians, hair dressers or dog groomers aren’t careers - they literally choose to do them as a career and many people are very successful.

Most make decent money, have the opportunity to be their own boss and open multiple businesses, get tips and they don’t need to spend thousands going to uni - I don’t think they should be looked down upon when they have probably made better decisions than many people who’s chosen a more professional career.

I don’t disagree with you OP but parents are often no better when they are on school trips. I’m a teacher and we’ve had briefings with parents about expectations on trips, they’ve signed code of conduct forms to say they will not be on their phones and will interact with their child and help educate their small groups they are allocated. Unfortunately many when there is downtime (on a coach, in the park, at museums, on beach) are on their phones scrolling not for 5 minutes but half hour or more. I’m not talking about taking an urgent work call either. Sad and frustrating.

I used an unregistered childminder. She lived in a large flat but as she only had one exit to the house couldn't register. She was a trained nurse. She was fabulous - to the extent DCs much preferred to be with her when they were ill rather than me. She treated them like her own children - picnics, days out, dropping and picking up at activities. When I was held up due to an RTA on the road she took my DCs home and got them ready for bed. I was a single parent - no way could I have worked without her support.

I used to get such abuse from the registered childminders - who regularly left the kids in their care in their cars while they nipped into the shops or chatted on the street.

I doubt they’ll be any childminders left in 5 years time. Schools and large chains will take over the entire childcare business. My local school now takes children from age 2.
it’s a shame because I know this is a c/m bashing thread but there’s some wonderful ones out there, & many parents prefer them.
But the choice will be gone soon.

Many are awful. I adore my childminder - I see her out with other kids when I have days off with mine and she's just brilliant with them. You have to be very careful.

In the area I am this isn't uncommon. Some are too busy chatting.

You would be surprised. Just the other day I saw a really sad picture - in Pret in Marylebone High Street, an aged childminder, obviously from Eastern Europe (they have the best reputation because older, better educated, etc.) was ignoring the child so badly! She was in her late 50s and glued to the phone, first talking in Czech/Bulgarian etc. (?) on the phone and then just glued to the phone, reading something on it. The child was trying to reach her with his/her hands, attracting attention, but she drew the hood of the pram up, turned the pram around so that her charge was facing away from her and continued ignoring him/her. Very sad because it went on for ages after her coffee was finished.

I see what you are saying, ideally we would all be sahms/sahds and looking after our children, but we have to work and rely on childminders, who are not at all dedicated to our children. The best we can hope for is that they don't mistreat our children or don't ignore them too much.

Exactly, I would never use a childminder. The whole setup of being in someone’s home just puts me right off.
A nursery where there are rules, so many eyes about, and also a recourse should there be an issue just gives me more comfort. I’ve been a mix of wfh and sahp so have a good perspective of how these childminders and Nannies work. They meet up with kids who are friends of theirs, sit around chatting in groups. I’ve even seen some in the store doing grocery shopping with the kids!

I had a true gem of a nanny who already raised her kids and she told me something that just sums it up. She asked me to think of it like this. ‘ if I have young kids of my own, why would I be here caring for your kids when all I want is to do it for my own. You are just a job and paycheck to me. All these Nannie’s ‘who love your kids soo much’ it’s fake. It’s a job that’s it.

I used to go to a playgroup where a bunch of childminders would sit in the canteen part bitching nattering and let the kids run wild.

One time I saw a kid around 3 kick a baby the childminder was meant to be caring for in the head! Poor baby screamed and childminder was nowhere in sight. Someome had to run and get her and she didn’t seem at all bothered.

Same childminder used to shove the kids in highchairs in the canteen with the tablet on and pass them around cold chicken nuggets 😷

Since then I always vowed I would never use a childminder. At least at private daycare they have cctv. Having said that I’ve heard some horror stories from them too.

I was in a park with my child last summer and the young girls in charge of the holiday club there were paying no attention whatsoever. I helped my child on the zip wire and suddenly had a queue of 4/5 year olds wanting me to put them on too. Childminders didn’t give a toss some strange lady was picking all these young kids up to seat them on a zip wire, I had to ask each one if they’d done it before and knew how to hold on. Put me off holiday clubs for a while.

Phew!
Thank goodness she was pretty!
God forbid she was an ugly childminder.

Ideally we’d all be sahm and sahd?Hell no. I don’t want to be a housewife with my kids. Ever. No way
I booked nursery when 12wk pg to ensure smooth return to FT work.

Yes I've noticed this too. It's bizarre.

There is one childminder who I see around all the time (I am currently on mat leave) - also in her 50s - who seems wonderful. Always engaging with the kids, collecting leaves, splashing in puddles.

I think 'mindees' is a horrible term. Its dehumanising.
Why not just refer to them as children?

Sadly that’s childcare for you. A lot of parents I see go on their phones a lot because they are bored when looking after their own children. Imagine if it’s someone’s else’s, you would be even less interested.

I think this is quite typical. A childminder isn’t a nursery. The childminder who used to collect from our school was constantly shouting at her own children and the ones she was minding and chasing them through the village as she couldn’t manage them all. There is a reason all of mine went to nursery.

I’ve heard some awful childminder horror stories from close friends and relatives. I preferred nursery, my logic was that at least there are a number of staff and they might sort of keep an eye on each other.

I’m just glad that my children are past that stage. Very difficult putting your trust into someone you don’t know well.

Seeing some at playgroups is the reason I never went for childminders.

All the childminders in my town are nothing like this, so please don’t slate all childminders. I know they’re not like that because I attended all the baby and toddler groups they go to and saw that they chatted to one another (and me) but also cared for the children. I’m not a proponent of helicopter parenting and was glad to see they cared but weren’t constantly hovering (except with very young ones who they obviously had within arms reach of them at all times). My childminder is outstanding and I know my son gets far more from being in a home environment and having trips out than he would in a nursery, he learns road skills, to socialise with children of a range of ages and far more 1:1 attention than he would get in a nursery, plus I don’t have to worry that his main carer will change at any time because nursery workers are poorly paid and are likely to leave for better paid jobs.

From a child’s POV-yes it would be ideal if they were looked after by a loving parent until they’re 3. The fact that some parents don’t like spending time with their kids is another matter.

Agree.
I sometimes wonder why some people are so anti- childminders. All the ones I know are amazing.
Plus they’re out & about a lot. out in public places, and people say they prefer nursery because there’s more ‘eyes’ - how can you get more eyes than being out & about all day.
Who knows what’s happening in a nursery. ( one near me had a nursery nurse hitting and pinching the poor kids ) was on the news & everything.