To think your Baby Registry list should be limited after #1

[Outside9]

I often receive baby registry lists as I'm in that phase of life. It shocks me how so many of my friends and relatives, who are on their 2nd or 3rd child+, have such extensive registry lists you would think it was their 1st child.

(Obviously this doesn't necessarily apply to those with big age gaps or surprise accidents).

I have one friend who is having their 2nd, (1st just turned 4) and she has everything from prams, to baby bath etc. My cousin, who about to have her 4th child in (oldest child is 5!!l ) also has something similar. When I had my 2nd, people thought it was strange when I said all I really needed was nappies and wipes. Think it will be the same 3rd time round.

Granted there are standalone items that are needed; naturally you need an additional car seat, or the bottles and changing matt are worn out. But outside of that, if you knew you always intended to have more than one child, surely you should've kept all the baby stuff?

It's Friday, so may as well kill time by getting torn apart by this section. AIBU?

OP you have given me a great idea. I have a relative who is going to be 75 next year - I think I'll have a Wrinkle Sprinkle for him 😂

DC6 went to her cousins "baby" related events. I picked her up after one and ex said to me "I think I have spent more on her baby before its here than we spent on DD!". She had a reveal, then a shower, then a "birth celebration" (that one is new, I think it was about presents for the mother rather than the baby) and then the Christening. First birthday is next month.

My exact thought!

Bit random and slightly off topic.

In "Steel Magnolias", one of the women has a surprise baby shower on Halloween.

Dolly Parton says: "I've always wanted to give a baby shower with a monster motif!"

Sounds frightfully specific, not to mention niche.

Anyway, as you were.

I'm 39 and it wasn't a common thing in my circle of friends. However my youngest sister is 30 and her friendship group have just started having children and this is very much a thing.

I think it is up to the prospective parents to buy their own big ticket items like prams and cots. If they let grandparents but them then fair enough buy it shouldn't be an expectation. I resent being told what to do though so any kind of registry gets my back up and this is a very much me problem!

I have received many presents when my children were born. Clothes that were too small or not to my taste were exchanged or donated. Toiletries were used and toys and books were used and cherished.

I did assume you were American, but you aren't?! I have 3 children, youngest is only 4 and I never had a baby shower (I didn't want one, they are tacky, my friends thought the same) and I have never had anyone send me a baby registry, if you decide to have a baby you pay for it!

We bought everything ourselves (bar a few big items grandparents wanted to buy and stuff second hand from friends) and then we reused everything we could for the next 2 children. People bought us lots of lovely gifts, outfits, toys, personalised things etc that they chose, once the baby arrived. I couldn't imagine sending a list of items around asking for stuff, surely people just send a small gift once the baby arrives safely, if they wish. My close friends bought my first child a nursery rhyms book (probably something else too I cant remember) and they all wrote a lovely message inside it. That meant far more to me than a pile of stuff I awkwardly asked people to buy.

I'd be ignoring that, first baby or tenth baby!

Was going to say the same.

My child is 7 and i have never heard of this

I’m in London and have never seen this. Awful!!!

Anything 2nd hand for babies/toddlers was very much frowned upon when I was living among a largely Mediterranean-culture community. 2nd hand would mean you couldn’t afford new, which to them was something to be ashamed of.

So although I had a perfectly usable pram (carry cot on wheels, used for both dds) it wasn’t exactly in showroom condition, so I didn’t offer it to anybody - until a woman I didn’t know very well, but who struck me as less status conscious than most, had a 4th baby and was seen walking around with it just in her arms.

So I offered my pram to her, and, phew, it was gratefully accepted.

Pfft anyone who had the barefaced cheek to give me a baby registry list would be getting something off Temu.

I don’t think it’s acceptable for parents to have a baby registry at all to be honest. I’m a generous person and love to buy my friends gifts when they’ve had their baby, but it’s more pop up books, the Sophie giraffes, cute babygro’s and the like rather than a pram, bottle steriliser etc that should really be the parents responsibility to buy. I appreciate it’s a thing in the US and I totally accept that there it’s the norm and has associated etiquette around it. But it’s not normal to do that in the UK and I think if you want a baby you should accept you are going to have to shell out on all the associated essentials. Plus I think if you are asking for expensive items before the baby is born, you are then going to miss out on the really thoughtful presents or gestures that come naturally from friends and family. When I had my son, my best friend brought round a lovely hamper with baby rattles, teething gel, nappy rash cream, a pack of babygros etc, and then also came round with a bag full of easy to cook food from M&S and loads of snacks. Stuff that you don’t always realise you are going to need in those early days of parenting! I’d much rather that than someone feeling obliged and then resentful that they bought me a Moses basket because it was on the list I’d demanded they buy from.

Registry's are not a thing round me or in my friend group. It's an American import but probably popular in London (or other large cities) or in places where there are quite a few Americans living (usually military bases).

The only think I've seen is perhaps the mother or mother in law off the expectant parents to be buying the pram/ cot/ car seat (or other big ticket item). For example my best friends mum and mother in law clubbed money together and bought their pram/ car seat bundle - friend chose it. But the expecting couple usually get everything else. Usual baby shower gifts from close friends are: outfits, baby hampers (with nappies/ wipes ect), nice baby towels/ blankets/ muslins, cuddlies/ comforters or toys.

I had my babies 19 and 16 years ago baby showers were not a thing then although I had heard of them from watching Friends and SATC,
I got cards and presnts after they were born
We didn't have Gender reveal parties either because frankly nobody apart thecparents really care whether the baby is a boy or a girl
I have noticed they have become a thing over the past 10 years maybe ?
Never heard of a baby register .

I'm 37 and had a baby this year. In my circle you get the baby a cute outfit or a nice book after it's born and the pram is either the one you've already got from your older child or from marketplace. Grandparents bought our second hand pram. I wouldn't spend more than 20 quid on a friend's baby! We all have decent jobs so it's not a money thing.

Coming at this from an historical point of view

In the same way that people would give essentials to newly-weds, because it's a lot to put together all at once and in a small subsistence community it makes economic sense for everyone to chip in for everyone else in turn

so we make sure the basics are all covered and nobody inadvertently gives the same as someone else (because that would be a waste)

Then as the community gets a bit bigger and looser the making-sure becomes formalised, and you get a wedding list; held first by the bride's mother then at its peak by one's favourite shop

And at the same time pre-marital arrangements are loosened, and material goods become relatively cheaper; so couples don't feel the necessity any more but people who grew up with this still want to continue it. Consequently wedding gifts become either "something lovely and thoughtful and personal" (which really wasn't the tradition) or a contribution to the cost of house or honeymoon.

Similarly, I imagine that the communities that initiated baby showers were spreading the economic load. It's only "grabby" if you receive but never contribute. And a gift list is the sensible thing to do to ensure that people don't - to give a PP's example - get a different outfit for every day of the first six months but no blankets.

...Having said all that, yes I agree that putting a pram on the list for a second baby is a sign of an over-affluent society. And I wouldn't call something that costs £60 simply to attend a "sprinkle".

https://littlewishlist.com/products/john-lewis/

part of the problem comes when people buy a pink pram for their PFB daughter and then feel embarrassed to put child 2 -a son- in it.

I'm in London and early 40s. Several friends and family members have had babies in the last couple of years and I've never heard of this. Sounds like an awful American import - tacky and grabby.

I am old, and just think WTAF.

I’m also grandmother to five girls and young women, and if any one of them was tacky enough to pull this crap, they would be, to use an appropriate American phrase, fucking SOL (shit out of luck).

It's interesting seeing so many say that Baby Showers and Gender reveals were not a thing for them. It is VERY much a thing now, albeit some prudent people combine the two together.

The registry list is so common in my circles, I was oblivious to the fact that there's a world where it's not. The typical approach is the cheap low hanging fruit items get covered my friends. The more costly stuff may get covered by immediate family or really close friends.

As it's normalised for me, I'm pretty relaxed about people having it for their 1st - except when they expensive high brand items. For subsequent children, it's ridiculous.

The baby sprinkles is... a step too far. I had a surprise one thrown for me, and I was very much against it. Just feels like the money/effort spent putting together baby showers/sprinkles, could easily be spent on the baby.

This is a good point. One present I received from my boss at work was something I’d never have thought of but turned out to be SO Useful & much better than the item I’d originally bought.

I agree with you as they should have kept the first lot of presents and baby stuff! Some people host baby ‘sprinkles’ for little top up gifts but if someone kindly hosted that for me I wouldn’t ask for anything I think, except if pushed then maybe consumables

Your WHAT now?

No one should have a baby registry list!
If someone wants to buy a present for a new baby that's lovely but I have never heard of a baby registry list and would ignore it if I was given one.