To think your Baby Registry list should be limited after #1

[Outside9]

I often receive baby registry lists as I'm in that phase of life. It shocks me how so many of my friends and relatives, who are on their 2nd or 3rd child+, have such extensive registry lists you would think it was their 1st child.

(Obviously this doesn't necessarily apply to those with big age gaps or surprise accidents).

I have one friend who is having their 2nd, (1st just turned 4) and she has everything from prams, to baby bath etc. My cousin, who about to have her 4th child in (oldest child is 5!!l ) also has something similar. When I had my 2nd, people thought it was strange when I said all I really needed was nappies and wipes. Think it will be the same 3rd time round.

Granted there are standalone items that are needed; naturally you need an additional car seat, or the bottles and changing matt are worn out. But outside of that, if you knew you always intended to have more than one child, surely you should've kept all the baby stuff?

It's Friday, so may as well kill time by getting torn apart by this section. AIBU?

I didn't know that was even a thing for the first!

I had a high risk pregnancy and refused to even consider much until dd was here let alone a present list. I can't imagine being so confident you'd put this together before your child is safely delivered. Once dd was here it was lovely to see my friends and family and lots brought presents they had chosen. I had a new outfit for pretty much every day of her first few months but I definitely didn't ask for or expect anything

Baby showers are something that is done for you. I had one for first DC but I had zero
input it was entirely organised by siblings and mum. It was done at their insistence even though I wasn’t fussed and in hindsight I’m glad they did because I have some beautiful memories from it.

Registries are unheard of here, people gift what they like if they want.

Is this a london centric thing perhaps? Never heard of it.

I know lots of people with baby registries/lists. They don't send them out but usually if you ask the person organising the baby shower if there is anything the person wants they will give suggestions or send a link to an Amazon wishlist or something.

I agree with OP though, I wouldn't expect to see things like prams or changing tables on there... tbh I have never been to a baby shower for a 2nd+ baby at all but I would expect they would want small things like new dummies or postpartum mum chocolates or something!

This is a really good point. I never looked at it from this perspective.

Same age as you and London based, and never been sent a baby registry!

Only seen Americans talking about them online (usually complaining about people buying off-list…!).

It’s both grabby and ungrateful in equal measure…!

Why can't they use the stuff left over from the first baby, is very wasteful to throw everything away and expect more.

I am 52 but when I was having my second a woman I got to know through the baby clinic (dont ask, just be grateful its not a thing anymore) was asking what pram I was getting for my second and I said I wasnt, as I would just use the one from DS (for the record second child is now 28). She looked both baffled and horrified that I wasnt getting a brand new one. Surely my baby deserved eveyrthing brand new just like the eldest got.

I think she was disgusted with me for giving "cast offs" to my second! So the idea of all new for each baby is not a new one!

I'm old, but have close family having babies (5 in the last 2 years) so feel I am 'up with' what's happening with new parents in their late 20s and early 30s.
This definitely hasn't been 'a thing'.
I feel it is a "your circle" thing rather than a 'generational' thing @Outside9

I have literally never come across a baby registry in real life and am a similar age. I know they are a thing because I go on reddit parenting sites and most posters there are American. But even though I know a lot of Americans IRL because I live in a non English speaking country, never been sent or heard about a registry from anyone I know IRL.

Agree it must be your social circles. We did make an amazon wishlist but that was only shared with family because they wanted a way to order from amazon to us here and that was a way to do it.

In the US, it’s fine to have a baby registry list, if it’s your first baby and if someone (not a close relative) is having a baby shower for you. They’re meant to be helpful to the shower guests, so they have a sense of what you don’t have and still need. A shower or a registry for a subsequent baby, though, is considered tacky, because you’re presumably able to reuse things you got for the first baby.

The UK seems to have imported the concept of baby showers from the US, but not the associated etiquette. Then people in the UK do things like throw their own shower for their fourth baby, and people start sniping about “American-influenced gift grabs” when most Americans would be appalled by the bad manners.

Also, you don’t send someone the registry. The invitation should say, preferably in small print, “Jennifer is registered on Amazon and at Crate and Barrel” (or whatever).

She'd hate me - my PFB didn't get everything new. About 8 people responded 'congratulations, would you like a cot?' to the news that I pregnant so we accepted one and a changing table. I used a second hand (well third because it had already done two kids) travel system from my brother so I only bought a small light weight buggy new. I borrowed a Moses basket and various other bits from a friend and had a mix of new and 'hand me down' clothes. And nothing was colour coded to ensure that they could be used again/passed onto to babies of either sex without people recoiling in horror at a boy touching pink/girl touching blue.

Very soon it’ll be ‘we have everything we need for dear little Esther-Mae so just give us money instead! Fuck off!

In my circle is is relatively new (my generation) that you get anything for the baby before it is born (other than car seat and newborn babygros/nappies to take it home in) anyway, let alone holding a celebration with all your friends and family before you know the baby and the mother have both actually made it through the birth OK…

This is bizarre. I’m 37, have three children aged 4 and under, and lived in zone 2 until a few months ago. Have never heard of anyone having a baby registry or a baby “sprinkle”. Thank goodness. 😂

I think it’s crazy to have a baby registry. I have a family member who’s expecting her first, we’ve already gone to a gender reveal where we bought a present, now she’s having a baby shower that we’re having to pay for and she has a registry. It’s so expensive for a baby that isn’t mine!.

I’m expecting my 2nd baby and I had none of these things. We chose to have a baby, so we paid for everything ourselves, of course grandparents wanted to chip in with some things but that was it. I can’t imagine expecting other people to put money towards your baby.

Well there are others on the thread who are familiar with this practice. So I think it's a blend of generational and subculture.

The influence of US has infiltrated other aspects of our lives, as others have recognised.

What nonsense is this - baby showers are bad enough now we have ‘registry lists’ and ‘baby sprinkles’ - I wouldn’t be party to any of it!! People need to pay for their own kids!!

I didnt tell her that DS (and future DD) had/would both be sleeping the repainted cot that had housed (in order) my cousin, my cousin, my aunts God daughter, me and then my sister!

I loved that it had such family history, she would have been disgusted! But then things like prams worked their ways around entire families for years once and I guess our family didnt lose that mindset!

Are you or your friends from the US?

I am curious why you say you are from London, yet use American English. Here it would be a 'gift list' or 'wish list'.

The UK seems to have imported the concept of baby showers from the US, but not the associated etiquette. Then people in the UK do things like throw their own shower for their fourth baby, and people start sniping about “American-influenced gift grabs” when most Americans would be appalled by the bad manners.
Also, you don’t send someone the registry. The invitation should say, preferably in small print, “Jennifer is registered on Amazon and at Crate and Barrel” (or whatever).

Well said.

Jump on the concept while ignoring the actual etiquette and then moan about “Americanism”.

Is this the sort of idiot that gets rid of all their baby stuff as they go in the name of decluttering and are then surprised to want the same stuff (but new! Shiny! fashionable!) second time round?

many of my friends/ family also have "baby sprinkles" i.e. kinda like a mini-baby shower.

🤮

Nope.

Parents are responsible for providing for their own children, possibly with one or two larger items bought by the grandparents. Gifts are given by other people after the baby is safely born.