To be upset by this comment from my mum?

[ffsmumouch]

My mum has been going on and on at me for Christmas present ideas.

She hasn’t accepted that I just want money, so I told her I’d appreciate a contribution to a little hair makeover, I want to go from blonde to my natural brunette.

She’s come back and told me she won’t do it because she thinks it won’t look good on me and I suit being blonde a lot more.

To be honest it’s just upset me a little because I want to make the change and I don’t really see the need to say it, just say you’d rather buy me something tangible (I’ll just ask for a stock up of skincare etc)

You aren't being unreasonable, that's an unsupportive thing to say. Also it's your hair, how irritating for her to comment on what suits you when you haven't asked. Also how annoying that she's asking what you want for Christmas and won't even listen to you?!

It is annoying me a little as she won’t listen to me at all. I’ve been telling her for two months now that I just want money. She won’t accept it and is insisting on getting me “something”, so I tell her what I’d appreciate and she comes back with that

I agree your mother was unnecessarily rude. Change your hair as you want OP, its your life. As for your mum - 'I've told you what I want mum but you don't wish to give me that so please do whatever makes you comfortable'. I'd also add if she won't drop it 'You were rude when I told you what I wanted so I don't want to discuss it further'.

I made it clear to her that I’m not happy with what she said, she won’t change her mind though.

She sounds very like my mother. I'd not bother with another conversation and simply say, 'Buy me what you like - you will anyway, whether I want it or not' and then refuse to discuss it any more.

It's rude to ask someone what they want and then over rule them, but (some) mothers seem to think they can still control their DCs lives even when they are grown up adults.

She’s your mum. She wants to go out and buy you something, not give you money. And she’s probably used to telling you what she thinks because she’s your mum. Us mum’s think we know best! She’s probably just as offended that you’ve asked for money instead of letting her buy you something

Tell her something to buy you and she might slip some money in too.

But why does she have to buy me something? She could have bought me something too - my hair extensions!

you're not unreasonable to want what you want
she is not unreasonable to not want to give you something towards something she doesn't want to.

Her comment wasn't helpful but explains her reasoning?

Why ask what I want then?

YANBU - she's making the gift all about what she wants, not what you want.

she asked you what you want. She doesn't want to give you that.

So either stop being a bit ungrateful and ask for something else, or tell her not to bother with anything, or whatever you like.

There really is no need to fall out over this though.

Very rude, I changed my hair colour and my gran said it looks better she didn't like it before. Before was my natural colour 🤣 luckily it didn't offend me but I still know it is very rude to be like that!

You were rude to try and force her to give you money as a gift.

I have/will never give money and find requests for it very rude.

I think some people just really don't like giving money. And this is awkward when they rub up against someone who really only wants money so they can put it towards someone.

The outcome is often unsatisfactory for everyone.

I’m not forcing her.

She knows why I want it and is very supportive of that reason.

I don’t think I’m being ungrateful, I’m just upset she’s basically said she thinks I’ll look ugly if I go back to my natural hair

I agree with you on this.
Ive met a few people even family that say i only want money no gifts i just find it rude.
So i didnt bother getting anything in the end.
Im not going to give money away but im happy to buy a small gift.

I really think it depends on the person who’s doing the gifting.

id never ask for money from my friends, for example. But from my family I feel more comfortable asking as they know it’s for specific goals.

But sometimes family dont want to give money no matter what its used for.
If its your goals you pay for it.
Christmas is about receiving a gift that someone as put thought in to getting you even if its cheap.
Money for your goals should come from your pocket.
The whole hair thing its not worth the drama do what you want with it.

But then why does she ask what I want? If she doesn’t want to know? And why does she then have to be rude to me?

I don’t understand this at all.
Why ask what someone wants and then get pissy when they ask for money towards something they want.
DS asked me what I want. There is a particular perfume I’d really like, it’s expensive so I’ve said if that’s out of the price range you were thinking then some money towards it would be lovely. He contributes what he wants and I get my perfume. Win win
Edited to add DS wants another (this will be number 5) guitar off me and DH or money towards one depending on budget. I’d rather give him the money in the knowledge he’ll have something he really wants.

Because she wants to buy her daughter something nice. She sees having hair done as something you pay for yourself and not given as a gift.

“You already asked what I’d like and I told you. If you don’t want to, that’s absolutely fine, but please don’t ask me again.”

And then make sure you get your hair done how you want it, once you’ve got the means.

Because she wants to control you, it would seem.

Then she can say that’s the reason, instead of saying it s because I won’t look good?