To be upset by this comment from my mum?

[ffsmumouch]

My mum has been going on and on at me for Christmas present ideas.

She hasn’t accepted that I just want money, so I told her I’d appreciate a contribution to a little hair makeover, I want to go from blonde to my natural brunette.

She’s come back and told me she won’t do it because she thinks it won’t look good on me and I suit being blonde a lot more.

To be honest it’s just upset me a little because I want to make the change and I don’t really see the need to say it, just say you’d rather buy me something tangible (I’ll just ask for a stock up of skincare etc)

I'm mum to adult kids. I'm happy to give them money for birthdays, but prefer to buy actual presents for Christmas. They're mostly at home on Christmas morning and sending a bank transfer just isn't the same as sitting round with breakfast, opening presents together.

Does that make me controlling??

To be fair my issue isn’t with the fact she doesn’t want to gift money. I’ll ask for skincare and haircare. It’s the fact she was so rude to me when saying why.

Not at all.
I’m the same, I love Christmas and the family all together opening presents but if either of my DC wanted money for something I’d give it to them because it’s about them not me. 😊

How about a voucher for M&S, or whatever shop(or shops) you like, so it's not just cash but you can pick bits and pieces you like or need.

For goodness sake, do people gift money for Christmas? How utterly tasteless.

Really?!
DS wants a guitar for Christmas, he has expensive taste so I will give him money to put towards it. I’d rather he have what he really wants not just buy stuff for the sake of it.

What’s tasteless about it? My brother asked what I want, it’s £90. I asked what he wants and it’s about £45. I’ll stick the difference in a card instead of buying tat he doesn’t want

I will concede that your mother should be able to buy a present on her own without having to pester you for ideas all the time .
But I can see how depressing it must feel to just chuck some notes into an envelope or perhaps not even that, these days it will be a just a bank transfer. A complete obliteration of the happiness and charm that involves giving a present to the other person and seeing how they open it.

I’d be the same if my daughter asked for money to pay for a tattoo. I wouldn’t give her the money because I hate them. I know I couldn’t stop her having one if she wanted it but I certainly wouldn’t pay for it. Happy to buy her other things though

A complete obliteration of the happiness and charm that involves giving a present to the other person and seeing how they open it

or saves you wasting money on something they don’t really like/want/need
surely once someone is a grown up they can usually buy whatever they want for themselves & actually cash towards a guitar/hair appointment/holiday/whatever is more sensible

she sounds like my mother she will ask what you want then buy something completely different that is not what I want nor need or will use. I usually just list it on vinted or give away. it used to hurt my feelings but gone past caring now and expect it. she doesn't know me at all
giving money is not tasteless is more practical then buying tat or stuff they don't want. why didn't your mother give you a voucher for the hairdresser instead ? we give all of nieces and nephews money at Xmas they are delighted- some heading skiing in Jan everyone will give them money for their trip it's far better then crap they don't need

I think in a way yavbu for trying to manipulate her into giving you money when she clearly doesn't want to. It's entitled.

If you don't want a new toaster ask for consumables - your favourite brand of shampoo, bottle of your favourite wine or pack of hover bags for your hoover.

Just don't ask for vouchers or money as you're the one not listening - money is not an option. (And imo massively rude to ask for).

as I’ve said I’m fine to do that, I’ll ask for skincare and haircare. It just upset me that instead of saying “no, I want to give a gift not cash”, she was nasty and said my chosen hair colour wouldn’t suit me

surely you see there’s a difference between a tattoo (permanent) and getting your hair dyed?

She’s totally on the wrong. I think I’d agree with her and ask for money towards keeping it blonde. Then dye it brown anyway.

I hope you remember to object to whatever she's asked you for (because it's tacky/unfashionable/a colour you don't like/smells bad etc), and tell her to think of something else,

Shes rude but yabu to ask for money. She's not a cashpoint.

She asked what I wanted, knowing what I’m saving towards and what it would mean for me. I’m not going to lie when she asks

The point I’m trying to make is she doesn’t want to pay for something she doesn’t agree with and why should she?

I’m not saying she should.

But saying “I’d rather give you a tangible gift” is different to saying “that thing you really want to do with your hair? It’ll look shit”

But if there's nothing OP wants then there isn't "something nice" to get her that exists. Refusing to give someone money to contribute to what they really want and insisting on getting an object that the recipient doesn’t want is such a silly hill to die on

It’s just a mum wanting to buy something for her daughter but not wanting to buy something she doesn’t agree with. Op has said she will probably ask for hair or skin care.

We’ve spoken this morning.

She has really doubled down on the fact she thinks it’ll look bad, it’s not to do with that. She’s insistent that I have lots to open on Christmas Day, so I will come up with a list and probably purchase it myself, with her card. Nothing screams loving mum wanting to get Christmas gifts like that!

Your mum is being unfair and rude.

This is what I'd do- tell her you agree with her, you want the money to do your hair in the way she suggests. Then once you have the money, go blonde.

Yes, she'll probably be annoyed about it but so what? she's being horrible and deserves to be taught a lesson

WTF? You cant give someone money to buy a gift for themselves and then dictate what they buy! thats manipulative and controlling to the extreme