To be upset by this comment from my mum?

[ffsmumouch]

My mum has been going on and on at me for Christmas present ideas.

She hasn’t accepted that I just want money, so I told her I’d appreciate a contribution to a little hair makeover, I want to go from blonde to my natural brunette.

She’s come back and told me she won’t do it because she thinks it won’t look good on me and I suit being blonde a lot more.

To be honest it’s just upset me a little because I want to make the change and I don’t really see the need to say it, just say you’d rather buy me something tangible (I’ll just ask for a stock up of skincare etc)

or maybe, you know, as it's Christmas she wants a list she can choose from & to buy present she can wrap up.

it's not that complicated.

@ffsmumouch I can understand you being hurt about what she said about your hair colour. However she wants to enjoy giving you a gift, can't you put a few things on a list for her to choose from?

As annoying as it is, she won't be around forever to irritate the living fuck out if you & you will miss her.

So this thread has got nothing to do with Christmas or gifts, it’s to do with your mum telling you her opinions on your new hair colour, opinions you don’t like.

“My mum thinks reverting to my natural hair colour will make me look ugly - help”. Short of posting a photo of yourself and garnering further opinions, I can’t see what you want randoms on the internet to say. There aren’t many options to choose from. Personally, I’d say “ok, and?” and move on! It’s your hair in your head, do what you want 🤷🏼‍♀️

As I’ve said, I’m now going to have to pick and buy my own gifts with her card.

Don’t do that. The whole ‘you’ll miss her when she’s gone’ thing is only ever used to make women feel guilty for standing up for themselves against parents who treat them badly, and it’s bullshit.
I didn’t speak to my mother for a decade because she refused to respect my boundaries. We did reconcile and she died 5 years later. I don’t regret that time spent away from her, it was needed for me to work on how to stand up for myself and for her to realise how shoddily she had treated me in the past.

Missed the “you’ll miss her when she’s gone” comment.

Yes, I will. Doesn’t change that I find making me buy my own Christmas presents because she doesn’t want to send money any less annoying. What’s better? £350 towards a trip of a lifetime or my hair, my or £350 worth of clutter?

Can you pick something you’ve already bought but she hasn’t seen, and wrap it up? I’m only half-joking.

Just ask her to get you a gift card for a salon that does alot of treatments, she can think she’s paying for one thing but actually get your hair done.

OP would probably miss her mum a lot more if she was nice to her.

'You'll miss her when she's gone' is always a manipulative cheap shot to try and guilt trip anyone who has a problem with their mum.

Iam a mum.

if either of my children asked me for money, that’s what they get, id buy a few bits to unwrap of course.

being someone’s mum does not give you the right to be mean or unkind to your child, whether they’re grown or not.

I give my children money if they need it or they want something they can’t afford. I also like to buy them gifts too. But all are my choice to give

I’d be buying something with her £350. Then taking it back and keeping the money to do with whatever the hell you please. 🤭

Can you reframe the way you think about this?

She thinks you look really great right now, so from her point of view she's saving you from an expensive mistake.

But she's from a different generation with different beauty standards and rules. Also she also doesn't look at your hair and face in the mirror every morning and every night like you do. So, you're the expert here: just ignore her and do what you want and do it with your own money. Get her to pay for a present that frees up money so you can pay for it.

The clue is in your first sentence: “SHE wants a list that SHE can choose from”. However, gift giving is about the recipient - it’s really not that complicated. She’s got own way anyway, so I’m sure she’ll be delighted 🙂

This one is easy, just say some money towards a dress and spend it on the hairdo, simples!