Would you class this as flirting? DH with shop assistant

[Bex39]

DH is adamant I am being OTT and he was just being polite but I disagree. Please help settle this for me.

We were in a shop which sells chocolate and he was at the till with me next to him.

Shop assistant - those (the chocolates DH was buying) are my favourites

DH - I would eat so much chocolate if I worked here

SA - tell me about it, I can’t help myself with the samples

DH - you couldn’t tell by your figure

SA - you are being too kind

DH - seriously, you are in great ‘nick’

SA - laughs

so how does this prince among men make your life more wonderful?

A bit personal but nothing too awful. I think calling it 'pervy' is a bit of a stretch, although I could understand it might be annoying. I think that some men seem to find the need to compliment women on their appearance, it is almost a kneejerk reaction with them.

It seems nice to a person with low self esteem... No offence but you might not be the best gauge. Something seeming okay in comparison to bullying does not in fact make it ok.

Pardon???

Perhaps because some of us middle aged women were once that young girl working in retail/services.

We know what it is like, having to hold your tongue when some old pervert makes a comment about your body, and worse, thinks they are doing you a favour by doing so, or risk losing your job. Like their oh so original witless prattling hasn't been heard a thousand times before.

The memories of having to weakly smile or brush off the 'compliments' of a slobbering old fool has made some of us rather protective of the younger girls coming up now.

Is that you, husband of OP? 😅 I hope so. And I hope he/you does feel like crap. It's an appropriate emotional response after behaving badly, also called "shame", "guilt", "regret". Behave better, and you'll feel better.

Eww very sleazy and inappropriate. My BIL (older than your DH) is like this and thinks he is a 'charmer with the ladies'. No - you're not. Just a dick and a sleaze.

I'm not sure he meant the comments as flirting. I think he was (in his mind!) giving the woman a compliment. He said this in front of you, it wasn't hidden or in a secret text message. Perhaps say to your husband that his comments in this day and age, may be not be taken as a compliment, but as a sleazy, creepy comment and he needs to be more careful what he says in future.

It's sleazy regardless of his marital status.

As you can see from this thread, women don't appreciate random men commenting on their bodies!

I think creepy of DH personally.

Then they should not make remarks about the purchase, she made a comment and he responded, it may have been perceived as 'pervy' by the perpetually offended, others would just accept it for what it was.

And this is the problem with men. They just dont get how their unsolicited comments about women's appearance makes us feel.

What kind of "she was asking for it" twattery is that? 😂

No, of I make polite conversation with a stranger/customer, I am not inviting them to judge and make remarks about my body. Get a bloody grip 😂

Ah “middle class women of a certain age” eh? How do you put up with him?

What different era? My DP is 51 and he’d never talk to a random woman like that. He does compliment female friends sometimes but not in a sleazy way

Absolute rubbish. That might fly if he was 74, but at 54 he's just a creep.

I think it goes beyond that, tbh. Our feelings are our own to deal with. It's the culture/society that it creates: one in which we are products on display at all times. Where our worth is judged by how doable we are. Where men can openly sit in judgement on our figure, and we are supposed to be thrilled when the judgement is a positive one. There are people who think this is all about "offence", who fail to see that that society is one where women are second class citizens. Most normal people recognise that sort of culture is toxic and doesn't lend itself to equality or respect between men and women 😬

He really is NOT from a different era. He came of age late 80s / early 90s 🙄

What? It's part of her job to make friendly chit chat with customers. Saying they were her favourite chocolates is not an invite for creepy sexist men to comment on her body.

So many blokes on this thread.

Creepy and gross. This must have given you the ick

Yuck. Poor you to be saddled with him. Can you rethink your plans? Best of luck x

I must be a pearl clutcher because to go from -

shop assistant: those (the chocolates) are my favourites to ...
DH: seriously, you are in great ‘nick’

does not seem like an inevitable conversational development to me and cannot be pinned on the shop assistant for being friendly.

However, as it happens, I think quite a lot of men do have thoughts along similar lines ... but they know to apply a filter to the murky rumblings of the subconscious.

He sounds like a catch.

We do all accept it for what it was: a pervy, leery couple of comments. You’re very much in the minority here. There’s a reason for that. Because you’re wrong.