To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

[Kyrgyzstan]

Sorry if this sounds dismissive of their achievements but isn’t it less of a rags to riches tale of personal achievement and more of a generational difference? I mean barely any of our parents generation went to university and now it’s pretty much expected if you want a half way decent job.

Obviously if you were raised by heroin addicts and managed to still get good grades and go off to uni that’s different but the children of ordinary parents who just didn’t go to university talking about it like a huge achievement sounds a little strange to me?

But we’ve all got different perceptions. I just find it really difficult to comprehend how you can put down the achievement of others with something you’ve not managed yourself yet.
I was also a teen parent and had been to uni by your age. Maybe give it a whirl and see if you think it’s so straightforward afterwards?

It very much depends on your background. There’s lots of intermediate levels between parents who were university graduates themselves and parents who are heroin addicts.

I teach at secondary level and I see lots of bright children who could do really well at uni but they won’t get the chance. Many have volatile home lives that make it hard for them to study. Many will have to start earning as soon as possible to help out financially at home. And many of them just won’t bother because their parents haven’t put any value in education at all so it’s not just not encouraged, it’s actively discouraged. For these kids it would be a huge deal if they went to university. But they won’t because there are too many barriers in their way.

You seem to be basing your opinion on a very narrow viewpoint. Just because it seems normal to you to go to uni, even though your parents didn’t go, doesn’t mean it’s normal for everyone. You need to look beyond your own neighbourhood. There are lots of non heroin addict parents whose children will not go to uni.

Did I say I was? I'm responding to a specific person. This is further to OP's comment that 'most of our parents' generation didn't go to uni'. Please read before commenting!

I’m really proud that one of my DC went to university. He was the first in my family to go. My upbringing was horrific and my early adulthood utterly traumatic. I am amazed every day that I nailed it with my kids. I have independent successful adult children one of whom went to university and the other never. I’m not more proud of the one who went, but I am happy that I managed to raise a child who went to university all the same.

It sounds as if you are sour because you had a child at 16 and haven’t been to university. Why do you care if people are happy their kids are the first in their family to go?

It isn’t just a generational difference at all.

You sound quite naive and sheltered from the experiences of others, particularly when you say ‘now it’s expected’.

Well, I don't think it was particularly rare for people to go to university "back in the day" if we are talking about people whose kids are now in their twenties. But it was indeed somewhat less common than it is now.

But I think people are being unnecessarily harsh and sneery towards the OP. I don't think she is intending to sneer at those who are the first in their families to go to uni, I think it's pretty obvious that she is trying to reassure herself that it won't be a big deal for her kids to go if they want to. I guess nobody wants to feel that they have put their kids at a disadvantage!

I am not pissing on anyone’s chips, I just see it as the equivalent of bragging about being the first in your family to have a car in 1920. Barely anyone went to uni decades ago and now it’s expected to get a decent job. That means almost everyone is the first in their family to go to uni.
Lots of personal attacks because I was a young mum but I’m going to uni once my kids are a little older

My parents went to uni- they were both lecturers at universities- their parents didn't. Their parents were very proud of them. My mother's father did his GCESs in his 80s and was very proud of that, too.

It’s a rite of passage that you haven’t gone through, so this is just coming across as petty jealousy and/or making yourself feel better about your teenage pregnancy.

‘It’s not a big deal, I’m going to do it, I’ve got plenty of time’ all sounds like you reassuring yourself.

Who made a personal attack that you were a teen parent?
I do also think owning a car in the 1920s was a massive achievement because it was a massive achievement.

In which case, I take it that you do not have - by your definition - ‘a decent job’? Do you have a job of any description?

Yes agree maybe 30-40 years ago not nowadays!

I’m not jealous I’m just pondering something I see said a lot on this site and it got me thinking, I have never heard anyone brag about being the first in their family to go to uni only on mumsnet. Anyone with a crumb of knowledge of recent history knows going to uni was rare back in the day and is now common hence I don’t see the big deal

and if you do go, hopefully no one will be trying to bring you down if you happen to feel proud of the fact that you achieved that with young children!

by the way, when i was at uni several people in my cohort had children already...

OP, it really isn't the case that "almost everyone" is the first in their family to go to uni. My dd is currently at uni, and from what I know of her friends, pretty much all of them have uni educated parents.

I do have a job not a decent one no but my other half does so we are not benefit scroungers before you start

What exactly do you mean by "back in the day" and how rare do you think it was?!

Exactly.
I'm the first ( and only) member of my family to go to university. I wasn't raised by heroin addicts but we were a very poor working class family.

Not only am I the first in my family to go to university but I now have a PhD and work as an academic. Nobody else in my family has qualifications above GCSEs. So yeah, it is a big deal for me.

Major cope. Again, this just sounds like you self soothing. It’s ’not a big deal’, but you still haven’t managed to do it.

Exactly, or bragging about being the first to buy a house.
Times change and things become everyday occurrences.

For some families it is a huge deal.

🙄

This.

clearly it's a huge deal for OP too....

And I will add im the first in my family to go to college, do I brag about it no. If I’m bragging it’s to mention I did it while taking a baby with me I didn’t even think about what my parents did. Because back in their day not many people went to college let alone uni

It's not all about education either. Lots of other skills are learned at Uni such as self discipline, social skills, looking after yourself (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc). I didn't go to Uni myself, but worked with a mix of graduates and school leavers in my early employments. There was a clear difference of maturity, self confidence, motivation, etc., between the graduates and school leavers. As a school leaver myself, I know I was very naive and childish when I entered the World of work that took a few months to change. Later I saw the same with other school leaver new-starters and saw the chasm of difference between them and the graduate intakes. And no, I'm not talking about the educational aspects as many of the graduates came in with an irrelevant degree so were no more "educated" in accountancy that school-leavers.