To not understand people who talk about being the first in their family to go to uni like it’s a badge of honour?

[Kyrgyzstan]

Sorry if this sounds dismissive of their achievements but isn’t it less of a rags to riches tale of personal achievement and more of a generational difference? I mean barely any of our parents generation went to university and now it’s pretty much expected if you want a half way decent job.

Obviously if you were raised by heroin addicts and managed to still get good grades and go off to uni that’s different but the children of ordinary parents who just didn’t go to university talking about it like a huge achievement sounds a little strange to me?

Maybe if you go to uni in the future you will be tremendously proud of yourself, who knows? You aren't really qualified to judge whether people should be proud of achieving something that you haven't managed to attain yourself yet. Sounds like sour grapes tbh.

was just thinking the same!!

If you come from a family with a history of going to university your own path their will often be easier than if you don't. The first in the family thing acknowledges that, is all. I don't think its said as a badge of honour, more as a way of describing the background you came from.

I agree OP. It isn't the same achievement that it used to be. Back in the day it was a rarity for working class kids to go to university. It was a very big deal. Even though I live on a council estate, several of my friend's children are going to uni which would've been unheard of 15 or 20 years ago. These days you can't become a nurse or a policeman (for example) without having a degree.

Embarrassing isn't it!

For some professions it’s much more common to be able to gain entry into it if you have family in profession to guide and advise.
I’m thinking law for example.
If you are on parents facebook university groups you’ll see the difference between switched on mums and those who haven’t been to uni in terms of questions and aspirations.

Oh right I'm thinking of uni as in academic subjects not vocational subjects.

Isn't it harder to go to 'uni' now as so expensive and inaccessible.

I come from an academically bright family (good grades), however none of my immediate family have been to uni (mum, dad, grandparents), although some of my cousins have. I got into uni but didn't end up going. My parents weren't against it, but equally didn't massively help me apply and didn't try to convince to change my mind when I decided against it either.

When push came to shove, I didn't feel brave enough to go. My mum and dad both grew up in the same city and moved somewhat further out to a smaller town but they've never lived further away than that. I applied to a uni miles away and I bottled it. Partly for the distance but I also just had no understanding of uni life, both from the education point of view and the society aspect.

If my children go to uni, I would be proud of them for taking the step that I wasn't brave enough to.

Sorry if that is silly to you.

It is “expected” to a degree (no pun intended) but I think a lot of that is nonsense eg hospitality degree to be a barista is Starbucks.

Lots of people are going to really poorly performing Unis doing degrees which won’t offer them much of a career. I know of so many kids doing sports science, media studies, business, fashion etc. at Unis which were formerly polytechnics. They are accumulating student loans which to be fair, may never be paid off as they may not earn enough, and often end up in poorly paid jobs related to the topic but not requiring a degree eg lifeguard, retail assistant, admin assistant. Of course there will be high achieving students with degrees from these subjects but they will likely have gone to a “better” university or be especially talented in that area. Many of these students would have been better in a paid apprenticeship type role.

In my dad’s era, University was a much bigger deal as they were highly selective institutions which only really took the cream of the crop. There is a big difference in being the first in the family to go to Uni if it is Russell Group or first to go to Uni if it is The University of We’ll Take Anyone to get a degree in Grass Cutting Studies. And I say this as someone who has degrees from, and worked in, both types of Uni.

I think you're being unfair here OP.

It isn't something they talk about, but DS1, and now DD, are the first in both our families to go to uni and I think it's an amazing achievement for them.

DH and I have done well and have been able to progress in well paid jobs meaning the kids have good lifestyles and different upbringings than we did but I cannot tell you how odd it is to break the mould that education is a waste of time.

DH and I are academic but neither of us were encouraged to learn, it was always a case of get a job. My parents query the point of my eldest two studying humanities subjects at RG unis and mention how much better off they'd be getting a trade.

There's also the sniffy "ideas above your station" type comments that come in whenever I try to talk about things I have done at work (because I don't work in retail then my job isn't worthwhile) and the kids chat about uni.

There's also the point of being the first to move away. In my 40s I live in my hometown as do my parents who always have. DS is 4.5 hours away, to do that at 18 is incredible to families like us and that makes me even prouder that he has the quiet confidence to do this when it is just not the norm to do something new!

What’s ’our parents’ generation OP? My parents are boomers and both went to uni and I’d bet 100% of their friends did too. Can’t think of one that didn’t.

My dad’s dad was a teacher so I assume he went to uni (maybe not back then?) but dad’s mum mum left school at 14 and sent her kids to private school, placed an enormous emphasis on education because she didn’t get much of it. So yes she was proud of her kids going to uni.

You can become a police officer without a degree.
Inaccuracies aside, any child born to a non-academic background and pursuing higher education is a massive achievement. More people climb Mount Everest every year but it isn’t getting any smaller!
I can’t understand not being able to celebrate the achievements of others without boo-booing.

This is not a fact at all. My sister is your age. I’m in my 30s. Both our parents went to uni as did I and my sister. Your experience is not universal and nothing about it is “facts.”

I agree I think nowadays it's less of a big deal as everyone seems to go to Uni, I know some of my friends are encouraging their kids to go "for the experience"
I do resent the mindset on here and in the wider world that if you didn't go you were disadvantaged and our children are also disadvantaged. I didn't go to Uni and neither did my husband as it wasn't needed for our jobs. We would 100% encourage DS to go and help him as much as we could, if his chosen career needed a degree and he knows this.

This update is interesting 😂sorry op, not sure your view makes sense if you’ve not managed to get into uni yourself! Go and get 4 A levels, write a personal statement, interview (if a prestigious uni), pass your degree and then come back and tell us it’s silly to be proud 😉

Agree. Just seen this myself. That explains the thread. Says a lot. She’s just hating really. Nothing else to it.

I don’t think it’s kind or necessary to demean how people celebrate the achievements in their lives. If you’ve had parents that have been to university, accessing university does feel simpler as you have that guidance and their experience.

Absolutely. People should not be proud of themselves or their offspring unless Mumsnetters deem it acceptable

The facts are that you’re jealous because you were a teen mum and you’ve underachieved in life.

Yes, it's not "just" acadamia. There are quite a few roles that used to use in-house/apprentice style training but since the late 90's/early 2000's require a degree.

Same here. My parents left school at 14 and my mum in particular was bright. She just didn't get the chance and it was straight to the factory for her . Most people in my year at school did not go to uni. Younger generations just do not realise how different things were. I really value the education I got.

What an odd comparison to pick. In 1920 it would have been HUGE to be the first one in your family to own a car. You may well have been the only person on your town or village to own one. Heck, in 1950 or 1960 it would still be a big deal to be the first in your family to own a car.

Yes, exactly. A bit rich to say how easy it is if you haven't done it, so you're just speculating OP?

The OP makes more sense now that she has indicated she didn't go to university herself. It's likely that she doesn't know what she doesn't know, and so she can't see how her kids might be at a disadvantage.

OP, I think there is a lot of knowledge that is taken for granted by parents who have been to uni themselves and by their children. Your kids won't necessarily have this automatically but there is plenty that you can do to support them in order to help fill in the gaps - even just hanging out in the education boards on here might give you some insights! You could also encourage your dc to take advantage of university outreach programmes for kids who might be the first in their families to consider HE, look out for stuff offered by the Sutton Trust or similar organisations, make sure that your dc access all of the support that might be offered by their schools etc.