To not understand how a baby can be a “suprise” unless contraception failed

[Pebblesandstones008]

I understand if you are on contraception, been told for years you are infertile, or going through menopause that becoming pregnant is a shock.

But I don’t understand when friends tell me their baby is a surprise and proceed to tell me they used the pull out method or “got drunk one night” so forgot to use a condom.

Someone I follow online has announced their surprise baby, a huge shock, that she got pregnant 2 months after giving birth and wasn’t using contraception but was breastfeeding so didn’t think it was possible.

I just think do 2 adults not assume if they are having unprotected sex at any point their is a chance of pregnancy?

i remember my friend telling me that it was a surprise as they weren’t ‘trying’ but having unprotected sex. It made me chuckle!

it took us 2.5 years to conceive our child. They are now 6 and we’ve never used contraception. I would class that as a surprise as I’m sure we’re infertile but not a surprise if you know what I mean? As we have been having unprotected sex!

DD turned up despite both the pill and condoms, and despite me and DP not wanting kids. Had we known DP was pregnant she'd likely have had an abortion. Instead, we had no idea until DP went into labour!

I know not the same kind of surprise you're talking about OP, but its DDs 18th birthday today so thought it was at least tangentially relevant!

Yes sorry, I did sort of state it in my OP but if you have been through infertility and taken ages to get pregnant before then of course falling pregnant quick is a surprise x

Yes sorry, I did sort of state it in my OP but if you have been through infertility and taken ages to get pregnant before then of course falling pregnant quick is a surprise x

Yes sorry, I did sort of state it in my OP but if you have been through infertility and taken ages to get pregnant before then of course falling pregnant quick is a surprise x

My fourth pregnancy was a total surprise. I was on the Pill, taking it regularly, suffering from a really painful condition that meant I rarely had the energy for sex but one stomach upset and one instance of sex in the same month lead to a totally unplanned but delightful pregnancy.

Yes definitely, if you are trying for ages and all of a sudden it happens you are of course going to be surprised, shocked, nervous and happy! x

No it doesn't mean this for everyone. There is a very big difference between risking something and actively pursuing it.

“unprotected sex on a random day has a 4% chance of pregnancy - which is pretty low odds”

That’s not right in real terms though is it. Sex on a random day could be as low as 0% or as high as 35% depending on the day and the fertility of the couple.

My first pregnancy was a pill baby (I was using correctly) but it was ectopic. My second and third pregnancies were the first month of trying/removing contraception.

Personally, I wouldn’t risk unprotected sex at any time of the month unless I was certain that I’d already ovulated and was outside of the fertile window.

We call ds2 a surprise

the surprise bit in his case was that I got pregnant so quickly….not that i got pregnant

but i appreciate thats not what you are referring to

@Pebblesandstones008 I suppose you may never have been told you will not get pregnant naturally or will need assistance to do so.

My husband and I tried for a baby for about 4 years. We gave up, assuming it wasn’t meant to be for us. A month or so later I did a pregnancy test and it was positive. Our baby has been a wonderful surprise. And she was a genuine surprise.

Oh sorry

i see its already been addressed…note to self, refresh before posting

I can think of 2 examples where it was a surprise.
One woman was told she was infertile and would never be able to have children. Her pregnancy was a surprise as the doctor twice incorrectly told her that she wasn’t pregnant when she was. By the time the pregnancy was confirmed, it was too late to do anything other than go ahead and have the baby. She was too late to have any tests too. She had terrible pnd.
The other woman was also infertile. Underwent IVF and had a child. Then got pregnant naturally when her child was under 3 months old. Yes it can happen but her and her dh really didn’t think it would happen to them.
I don’t class these as the same as someone who can easily conceive getting pregnant whilst not taking contraception.

I think they were doing 20% chance of the 20% fertile days you have a month?

But yeah, my husband and happened to decide to cancel contraception on cycle day 28 - our chances of pregnancy were almost zero, ditto for months I was out of the country during my (unpredictable) fertile window.

Whilst we "weren't preventing" pregnancy during those times, we weren't exactly TTC with any real likelihood of success.

Completely wild one in a million situation, but my pal was told she'd really struggle to get pregnant, she only had one ovary and the one she had was knackered, she didnt have periods, and was told she had a hostile uterus that was unlikely to carry a baby to term/high miscarriage risk.

Her husband had had testicular cancer and only had the one ball, the remaining sperm were a bit dicky. They were told IVF was their best chance but with my pal's high miscarriage risk it'd still be a struggle and unlikely to be successful. They decided to accept their fate and go child free, he got a vasectomy too to be extra sure.

She fell pregnant and it stuck. Chances were so unbelievably low, their baby was definitely a surprise!

Did you read my OP properly?

I am talking about people who act shocked that the pull out method failed not couples who have been told they are infertile or have issues conceiving.

A beautiful miracle and the best suprise for
sure xx

@Differentforgirls @smashinghope
You have in protected sex. This is not a surprise.

It is 98-99% reliable but there are strict criteria - ie all suckling must be done at the breast - so they might have an EBF baby who has a dummy and/or has a bottle occasionally and not realise that interferes with the method.

For us, we tried several months to get pregnant with #1 and #2 happened after 1 time, so while we took the risk knowing it was a possibility, we didn't expect anything to happen!

Definitely a suprise xx congratulations

It's like people who get pregnant even though they weren't really "trying". Newsflash. If you are having sex without reliable contraception, you are trying.

Actually exclusively breastfeeding can protect you against pregnancy. It's called the LAM method

It always amazes me how people can’t see past their own experiences. Infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss affects a lot of people, more than you might realise.

Infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss are definitely reasons to feel surprised when you conceive again.

I am talking about couples who use the pull out method, get drunk and don’t use a condom and are completely shocked that they are pregnant

Unfortunately I have lost 3 babies, 2 of them twins. That is my experience