To not understand how a baby can be a “suprise” unless contraception failed

[Pebblesandstones008]

I understand if you are on contraception, been told for years you are infertile, or going through menopause that becoming pregnant is a shock.

But I don’t understand when friends tell me their baby is a surprise and proceed to tell me they used the pull out method or “got drunk one night” so forgot to use a condom.

Someone I follow online has announced their surprise baby, a huge shock, that she got pregnant 2 months after giving birth and wasn’t using contraception but was breastfeeding so didn’t think it was possible.

I just think do 2 adults not assume if they are having unprotected sex at any point their is a chance of pregnancy?

I hate to admit it but I used the pull out method for a good long time and never got pregnant. I think the main risk is that you are relying on the man to get out on time which is pretty risky. I did use condoms over the years as well and always got emergency contraception if there were any accidents. Got pregnant first month of actually trying .
I have so many friends who got pregnant on the pill. I just don’t believe that they are all in the small percentage that the pill doesn’t work for. I might be flamed for this but I think some women do indeed get pregnant on purpose and use the pill failing as an excuse. I don’t know anyone who said they were using the pull out method and got pregnant (or admitted it even ).

You are entitled to label it as a surprise, I suppose, as it's your experience, but I can't understand how a couple not using contraception and presumably having sex somewhat regularly could react with surprise at ending up pregnant!

Had sex tons and tons to try to conceive dc2. Coming up to a year.

dc3 was a surprise baby that happened after 1 occasion. It’s easy to think that lots of times of having sex doesn’t equal a baby so the likelihood is how especially if it’s outside your fertility window

We used the pull out method. As prevously posted, our first was a drunken "mistake", the second wasn't but we lost that baby, the third was a direct result of my GP telling me that I wouldn't have a period for 6 weeks after miscarrying and me believing him. When it got to 8 weeks, I wasn't feeling great and went to another GP in the practice, who was aghast at what I had been told and told me to take a test. I did. I was pregnant. We have been with each other for 43 years and in all that time, the method we used produced 3 pregnancys. One, mistake but grateful for it, two, lost that baby, three, due to bad advice - but again, grateful.

It does work.

We didn't do it 3 times, which resulted in 3 pregnancies. But it worked for the rest of the years that I was fertile!

Well, having sex while EXCLUSIVELY breastfeeding has the same pregnancy risks as using condoms so people who do that are putting on their metaphorical riding hats.

There are of course people who ride bareback with no helmet on difficult horses who have higher risks. There are also people who do everything right, wear their riding helmets and only ride within their capabilities and still have accidents. That's the nature of risk and why I think the analogy is appropriate.

Actually, when the sperm get there, it takes the combined battering of multiples of them, before one gets in. One alone can't do it.

My husband has an issue with one testicle, which affects fertility precisely because more sperm makes a difference.

And a significant number of those babies come from women with no access to contraception and no right to refuse their husbands sex.

OP - when all my friends were giggling and bragging about falling pregnant first time every time, I didn't really want to talk about how it had been almost two years. I talk about how it was a surprise that month because it was so busy and we hardly had sex.

Has it ever occurred to you that unless you were actually there in the room with them every time, you don't actually know if your friends are sharing the truth?

It normally means they were careless.

I guess like a birthday present, you know your birthday is coming up, you dont know what time the gift will be given or what the gift is going to be!

I guess every pregnancy is a surprise pregnancy if that’s the case

Yes, I guess so. I feel like surprise would more appropriately explain the scenario where you arent trying for a baby, but are ok if it happens, or contraception failed etc. Vs someone who is purposefully planning for a baby, checking hormone levels and most fertile dates etc. When people say surprise, i think obviously it isnt a complete surpise that it could ever have happened. Its a nice of way of saying, unplanned, or only half planned.

As someone who’s coil had moved and was no longer effective, I don’t judge anyone who says they’ve ended up with a surprise pregnancy or had a contraception failure 🙃

Even if you are very purposefully planning there is no control over when it will happen and it can be surprising when it does but most people wouldn’t label it a surprise pregnancy. Technically even with an ivf transfer you don’t actually know if it is going to work and when you will be pregnant.

Yeah, this is a good point, when someone says they have a surprise pregnancy it could be for any of the reasons OP and others deem as legitimate but they might not want to go into their contraceptive failures, or the fact they thought they were menopausal or previous infertility etc. Maybe we should just take people at face value?

Yes I agree with you, which is why I titled my OP unless you’ve had a contraception failure x

Have you read the title of my OP

Sorry responded to wrong person PP!!*

can I just make it clear that I’m specifically talking about people that are having unprotected sex, pull out method, shocked they got pregnant from an protected sex on a drunken night out.

I’m not talking about people who have had contraception failures, have been told they will never have children, have gone through infertility.

I’m also not talking about strangers on the street who tell me they’ve had a suprise baby, I’m talking about close friends or family that tell me the ins and outs

Yes, I just mean, once someone says it's a surprise do you really ask about whether their condom split or their coil shifted?

Again, I’m talking about friends or family that I am close to and know the ins and outs of. I’m sorry you went through that but I’m not talking about you x

@SomethingInnocuousForNow the additional information is often volunteered I find

Can I clarify again? My OP is about people that have specifically come to me to tell me that they got pregnant using the pullout method and act shocked

i am sure most normal more people don’t go around asking how someone’s baby’s were conceived

Right. And I'M talking about friends or family that I am close to.

Still lied to them or made light of my situation.

Ok but it’s not the situation I’ve spoke about in my OP or meant. I know my friend who has been with her boyfriend for 2 months hasn’t been going through infertility with him.

No one is reading the OP properly.

Teen pregnancy correlates with poor sex and contraception education. It makes sense that if you don’t fully understand contraception you can be surprised. We shouldn’t forget that many people really don’t understand contraception. I know someone surprised with pregnancy as she took antibiotics on the pill- the dr didn’t warn her and she didn’t know. One of my children survived a failed condom and the morning after pill, maybe not a surprise as I was anxiously awaiting the period that never came but I do get a feeling from the few people I’ve told this to in real life they don’t believe me and I must just have got pregnant and then lied to excuse the terrible timing.

Well it means not planned. I guess it's a more positive way of saying it instead of 'mistake' or 'accident'.

The thing is loads of people have had unprotected sex lots of times and never got pregnant, so it's almost like they think it's very unlikely to happen. Rather than the times it didn't were luck. Pretty daft but people are.