To not understand how a baby can be a “suprise” unless contraception failed

[Pebblesandstones008]

I understand if you are on contraception, been told for years you are infertile, or going through menopause that becoming pregnant is a shock.

But I don’t understand when friends tell me their baby is a surprise and proceed to tell me they used the pull out method or “got drunk one night” so forgot to use a condom.

Someone I follow online has announced their surprise baby, a huge shock, that she got pregnant 2 months after giving birth and wasn’t using contraception but was breastfeeding so didn’t think it was possible.

I just think do 2 adults not assume if they are having unprotected sex at any point their is a chance of pregnancy?

By the way, nothing wrong with surprise babys AT ALL. Just saying I don’t understand the logic

I guess it’s a surprise to them.

´Surprise baby’ is just a little easier to say than ´fucked up our usual contraception method because we were fine with tempting fate and got carried away then decided to see what happens rather than get the morning after pill’.

Having sex doesn't always result in pregnancy.

Having sex without contraception risks pregnancy- it’s not a sure thing.

I presume what they mean is that they’ve had drunken unprotected sex previously and “got away with it” so were surprised not to this time.

Surprise baby sounds nicer than "stupidity baby" or "hubris baby" 🤷‍♀️

It means the mum wanted another. It's no surprise to her 😂

There is no logic, it’s either ignorance or carelessness.

I am amazed at how many women really believe that breastfeeding is a reliable form of contraception!
I know several who got pg that way and where utterly convinced that they couldn't.

I think there are degrees of risk and degrees of effectiveness in contraceptive choices and that it’s not uncommon to choose less effective methods when a couple kind of want a baby but can’t quite justify the choice to try to get pregnant so they play roulette with the pull out method or relying on breastfeeding instead.

Especially given the lecture you get before you leave hospital with your newborn.

I think something can be a known risk but still surprising when it happens.

A GP told me after dc1 at the 6 week check that breastfeeding was a form of contraception. I was a bit 🙄 knowing full well that this is not advocated by the NHS, and absolutely not safe.

I think some of these people are misinformed, and honestly believe they won't get pregnant.

Basically, they are actually not trying to prevent pregnancy.

There's always a limit on how many 'unplanned' pregnancies a couple have. After a while, they always manage to sort out reliable contraception. You don't often hear about 5th, 6th or 7th 'surprise' babies do you.

To be fair, exclusively breastfeeding under six months is meant to be as effective as the pill. See La Leche etc Obviously there are those it doesn’t work for, 2 months PP, God 🙈

My second was a surprise. We didn’t even have sex over the fertile window (Natural Cycles) and only once due to partner working away. No idea what happened

I suppose experience teaches you that while a pregnancy can happen everytime you have sex without contraception, in reality, the odds are against it. Conception can take ages when a couple are actually trying, never mind when there are factors that reduce likelihood such as when BF, fertility is declining, ejaculation doesn't happen inside you, it's not a fertile time of the month etc. If people's own experience has been that pregnancy isn't guaranteed or even easy, then I suppose they're surprised when the exception occurs.

Surely it’s incredibly unlikely to have unprotected sex once and end up pregnant? Not impossible, but unlikely. In the same way I was surprised to win £100 on premium bonds this month when I only has £100 in the account.

They’re not suggesting it’s a miracle conception, just that they’re surprised their timing was so coincidental that they ended up pregnant.

(Although this is coming from the perspective of someone who’s been having regular unprotected sex for 5 years and only had one pregnancy. I would be surprised to find out I was pregnant again).

To be fair, the NHS says that LAH (lactational amenorrhea method i.e exclusively breastfeeding a baby under 6 months with no periods) is 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. If someone is told that and then gets pregnant, it probably will be a surprise!

I exclusively breastfed both of my babies but my periods returned before I started having sex again (at 8 weeks) so I didn’t fall for that one luckily.

I think we live in a world where people actively trying track ovulation and time intercourse to conceive to such an extent that they are "surprised" when they conceive without doing these things.

I was telling a friend that when I ttc a few years ago we didn't do any tracking or anything we just had sex two or three times a week. She was astonished and said that wasn't really ttc, almost like she'd forgotten that could work.

I find it amazing on MN that people don’t believe you were fully breastfeeding if you state your first period was 6 weeks after giving birth!

I was gutted enough without being told I was lying 😂

https://www.nhs.uk/baby/support-and-services/sex-and-contraception-after-birth/

Definately not something that should be relied upon:

It's important to start using another form of contraception if:

• your baby is more than 6 months old
• you give them anything else apart from breast milk, such as a dummy, formula or solid foods
• your periods start again (even light spotting counts)
• you stop night feeding
• you start to breastfeed less often
• there are longer intervals between feeds, both during the day and at night

The effect of expressing breast milk on LAM isn't known, but it may make it less effective.

Well, not really. Within a 30 day cycle there is a 5 or 6 day “window” where unprotected sex could lead to a pregnancy. I’m not sure without googling but I read once that there’s a 20% chance of falling pregnant if you have unprotected sex within the fertile period. I’d imagine that could be more or less likely depending on the day, and depending on the individuals involved.

If you had unprotected sex once on your period, it’d be incredibly unlikely I suppose.

People with irregular periods.

I knew one friend who's partner got to 6 months without realising she was pregnant because her periods were so irregular, her baby was small and she was quite chunky around the abdomen so there was no noticeable bump, she had no morning sickness, she didnt have a reason to suspect, they were on contraception, but think she was on antibiotics for a tooth infection.

Thanks everyone, just thought I’d have a little discussion about it

There is nothing wrong with a surprise baby at all just always makes me wonder when a friend tells me she couldn’t believe she was pregnant then proceeds to tell me they used the pull out method so they are both shocked. Haha

I knew a woman who had infertility due to severe PCOS give birth at work and had no idea she was pregnant.

me, pregnant age 42 - I intended to conceive but did NOT expect to succeed naturally first month of trying given my age

so yes I was surprised it worked and chuffed for dh that his little swimmers still doing the job