To ask you to reconnect with that person you’ve drifted away from?

[officiallybringing]

I’m not talking about people you had a massive falling out with or estranged family members, unless you want to of course. But everyone has that person you used to be close to that you’ve drifted away from. This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

I have noticed on Mumsnet over the years that friendship doesn't tend to be very highly valued here. OP if you asked on a different forum eg Reddit you might get different responses. Remember this is a forum where people don't answer the door or the phone. I think that a lot of conventionally successful middle class women take a very functional and transactional view of friendship.

Fwiw I've reconnected with various friends over the years. COVID and the baby/toddler years plus international moves can really do a number on friendships. Why not check in on people you've drifted from for situational reasons? They might want to hear from you! And if they don't then they can always ignore or block. Apparently this is not a popular opinion on here.

This. ^

People drift apart/lose contact for a reason @officiallybringing I have no intention of 'reconnecting' with someone I knew from the past, who I lost contact with (or they lost contact with me.) My life has moved on, I have new hobbies, new priorities, and new friendships. As the saying goes 'friends come for a reason, for a season, or for life.'

So yeah, most friendships don't last, they are just handy/convenient/helpful/nice at the time, but once you lose contact, that means you and they have moved on. Also, there are some people who I lost contact with for a reason, and I wouldn't want them contacting me!!! There's a reason why I didn't give some people my new address when I moved to this village just over a decade ago,

Also

@officiallybringing
This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

Why is YOUR thread/YOUR post the time for us all to reconnect with old friends and acquaintances, and then discuss it on here with you?!

Bizarre thread! Also presumptuous and cheeky to tell people what to do!

The past is a different country.

I've recently had two friends contact me who I haven't seen in 15 years. I really wish they hadn't. I genuinely loved them both and even still miss them but the friendship was toxic.I wish them well but I will never go back there.

Yeah this. ^ The OP clearly has some kind of issue going on. I am guessing she has tried to reconnect with people from the past, and is hitting a brick wall/getting no responses. So she's trying to tell us all on here how to be 'better' and how to 'do better.'

You're talking to fully grown, mature, intelligent, feisty women on here @officiallybringing Not children. As I said, bizarre thread!!!

Why don’t you tell us about your experiences of doing this OP?

Gosh, it's almost like everyone is DIFFERENT , isn't it?!!! 😆

Love a ‘be kind’ type thread where the OP immediately stops being kind as soon as people disagree with her.

If people want to reconnect with people from their past, that’s fine. But I’m sure they don’t need to be issued with orders by a stranger to do that.

Pretty much everyone I’ve drifted away from is someone I don’t miss and I doubt they miss me either. Friendships ebb and flow naturally and that’s Ok.

100% this. ^

It’s got to depend on circumstances surely as to whether people want to reconnect with old friends or not. The PP who said it’s been 6 months and they’re going to reach out to their friend is different to the friends I had from school 22 years ago if I were to suddenly reach out to them and ask if they want to reconnect.

It’s a strange one, I have a couple of ladies who I was friends with until we were about 22/23. In the end they kept letting me down in arrangements to meet up, I realised I was working quite hard to keep in touch and they obviously weren’t bothered because they never committed nor got in touch first. I decided I would stop contacting them and see if they got in touch with me. Shock horror, they didn’t. It’s ok, it’s disappointing when you realise that somebody isn’t interested like you are. But would I go back and contact them to reconnect now? No. I don’t want to be dismissed again, and if they weren’t interested when we actually were friends why would they be interested all these years later?

I would love to reconnect with my brother, but sadly I don't think he wants a relationship with me. I represent a part of his life he'd rather forget. It isn't my fault and it's so lonely not having him to reminisce with.

I'm reluctant to approach him because I just seem to open up his old wounds. I might be seeing his wife in the spring though. We are not close either but she does make an effort so I'll do the same.

OP, real life isn't the same as an episode of Long Lost Family where everyone meets up after years apart, has tears, hugs and then all live happily ever after until the cameras stop rolling.

Actually an old friend did do that after about 40 yrs. There was no fallout just different paths and we have now reconnected and it’s been lovely.

This thread has actually made me feel shit. We’ve drifted. She doesn’t want to know me. She pretends not to have seen me when we do collide. I don’t really know what I did. It’s made me dwell on something I wasn’t even thinking about til I came across the thread

Who've you reconnected with @officiallybringing? What/who gave you a sign to do so and more importantly what was the outcome?

No fair asking others to spill when you haven't so share your story first.

I can see why people drifted away from those who have posted so far.

Well that rather undermines your argument in favour of reconnecting, doesn't it?

This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

You're sounding like a school teacher setting work. People generally don't respond well to that tone on a chat forum.

Perhaps if you had explained your own situation and what promoted you to be thinking about this, instead of issuing instructions, the response would have been very different.

I did this a few months ago with someone who I was best friends with throughout our teens and twenties and then I moved up North when we were 26 and over the last decade, we just drifted in different directions.
It was my fault really. I had fertility struggles in my early 30s, and I became really blinkered and I wasn't much fun to be around at all.
She never wanted children and didn't really understand why I was so depressed.
Anyway, I messaged her properly. Not just an Instagram note, but a proper paragraph text message to say: I'm sorry, and I miss you.
We've been texting more and falling back into old inside jokes and telling each other the latest news etc.
It's been really nice.
We've booked a date to meet up in March and I'm really looking forward to it!

💐 I had the same thing happen when I was a teenager and even now it's still stings a bit. I accept now she she will always live rent free in a part of my head but I can also remember the joy that she brought to my life (this has literally taken years).

Having said that there is no way in hell I,'d try to reconnect with her so try not to let this thread get to you too much. The OPs motives don't seem entirely pure anyway.

Why?
Waste of time and energy - I no longer need them in my life and vice versa.

I very recently reconnected with an old school friend. We had been friends since nursery. We did have a falling out, which was upsetting at the time. But I care very deeply for him and often wondered how he was.

So eventually I just thought OK, I'll send a text. We text a little here and there now. We will never be best friends again but I am willing to say I would always be there to help him if needed.

I have drifted from other friends over the years and wouldn't contemplate ever contacting them again! Two in particular let me down spectacularly when I was at my very lowest. I hope they are well, but I don't need 'fair weather friends' like that.

You know the feeling yourself if it is worth it or not.

The best friendships dont draft apart.
Mr Net Curtain has a friend hes known since school.
They always been in touch and never fallen out.

Who do you think you are OP?🙄🙄🙄

Such negative people responding. I can see why people drifted away from those who have posted so far.

I mean that’s a negative thing to say as well OP.

@officiallybringing The vast majority of the time people ‘drifting’ is a natural process that both parties are consciously complicit in. And actually, sometimes people like me have tried but it’s not good for mental health to reach out to people who quite obviously have no intention to reciprocate and so we quickly learn to not repeatedly do it!

Also, it would be a boring thread anyway as other PP have said.

Some really lovely posts on here, so glad for those that have been prompted to send that message for when life causes them to drift from someone that they had been close too. Also lovely to hear messages from those who have reconnected in the past and what doing so meant for them.

This isn’t a post for those who view friendships as transactional or whose opinion is “why should I bother if they haven’t?” It’s also stated from the beginning that this isn’t about major fall outs or estranged family members. With the pandemic having happened 5 years ago there are lots of people who had friendships that drifted.

So glad to have inspired those with beautiful warm hearts. 🥰

It's this part of 'be kind' bullshit? Life is not 'Love Actually', ffs.

I had this done to me and it was extremely bizarre. One 'friend' I haven't heard from/seen for decades. We were kids, I last saw her when I was maybe 11 or so, I'm 37 now. And I didn't especially liked her then. Just what do you want from me? I know nothing about you and don't want to know.

Another contacted me just recently. We went to the same school, were in the same class. We were friends of sorts, but not besties. I finished school in 2006. I want nothing to do with her.

People don't 'drift' just like that, there's a reason. All this 'reconnection' works out only in Hallmark movies, not reality.