To ask you to reconnect with that person you’ve drifted away from?

[officiallybringing]

I’m not talking about people you had a massive falling out with or estranged family members, unless you want to of course. But everyone has that person you used to be close to that you’ve drifted away from. This is your sign to send the message to reconnect. We can discuss the outcome of sending that first message here

Quite.

Two of my friends I’d drifted from reached out after I’d lost my dad, one I was in sporadic contact with the other less.

We’re not ever going to be close like we were, but knowing we all can reach out to each other and checking in more regularly has been good for all three of us.

Anyone I've let drift I've let them drift for a reason. People who I want to keep in my life, I keep in it. It's not "negative" to say you're particular about the people you let in your inner circle, nor is it "negative" to not be the sort of person who allows friendships to drift for no reason.

What a ridiculous request. All friendships have their own pace and natural lifespan. Sounds like you’re projecting a bit.

I actually did this last week, she is an ex-colleague I catch up with every few years but it had been a while.

Turns out, she had just come out of hospital after quite a big operation on the day I messaged her so we are both very glad to be in contact a bit more often than usual at the moment.

Life is a journey. Sometimes you have a travel companion, sometimes you leave them behind and move on without them. It took me many years to become at peace with no longer having the same people around me.

1. these ‘can I ask you’ threads never go well - why would I do what you, a random apparent busybody, wants?
2. why can’t the person I’ve drifted from be the one to get in touch?
3. why not accept that we stay in touch with those who mean something to us. IE, we drift for a reason.
4. why would we then post about how it went??

This. A lot of friendships that have drifted are simply because we’re in different places now, eg school mum friends where we were only friendly for play dates and now kids are all grown up etc. I have a few very good friends in my life and we all put equal effort in. There’s no one I want to reconnect with.

How very odd!

That's a great quote. Is it yours?

I don't need a random reminder, and if we've lost touch then it's probably for a reason.

No thanks. I’ve had a fair few friendships drift for a variety of reasons. None were acrimonious but I still don’t want to reconnect because they were great at the time but I’m a different person now and presumably so are they. For example, I’ve got old friends who I used to use coke with. Great fun at the time but I’m a not that person anymore. I enjoy seeing what those people are up to, on social media but I absolutely don’t want to see them again - that ship has sailed.

meh. They can reach out to me, if they like. If i'm not in contact there is a reason. And that reason might even be "i can't be arsed"

Er, no thanks.

I have one friendship that didnt simply "drift" as you imply, I put in a lot of effort to reconnect, to text, to ring, to check on her etc and simply had nothing back- just months of silence. She basically ghosted me for no apparent reason I can see- I'd always been there to support her etc.

Why should I continue to chase someone who ignores me? I have found the Let Them theory far more helpful dealing with the emotional consequences than what you are suggesting OP.

But there is usually a reason for that drifting away, isn't there? I can think of a few people who I have lost touch with over the years because we've moved away, they've moved away, they changed jobs or just have different priorities. They are not bad people but friendships change and I have new friends and different priorities.

And no, I'm not "reaching out" because some randomer on MN says so.

@YoureKillingMyPeace I would hate to receive a message out of the blue from someone from my past, even though I often think of them and our shared time together fondly. You can’t go back and recreate that time.

Same here. I absolutely hate it when some of my school or uni classmates send me messages sometimes on FB asking if I fancy meeting up because it would be nice to catch up. What after 25 years? I don't think so.

@officiallybringing how do I imagine such a catchup going? Roughly like this:

• Oh hi, how are you?
• Good, thanks. You?
• Not too bad. So, what have you been up to all these years?
• Oh you know this and that. I am married now with X kids? You?
• Yeah, me too...

The rest of time filled with similarly trivial conversation for about 5-10 minutes as you find out what you and the other person have been up to for 25 years and the rest of time filled with awkward silences and very little to say.

Maybe I am just odd but I really have very little enthusiasm for catching up with people I've not been in touch with. This is the reason why I never bother with any reunions.

I think sometimes rekindling an old friendship can be great, I've done it a couple of times and it has led to us becoming closer again.

People don't always drift away for a reason, sometimes they just get busy or don't have the headspace.

However, some people definitely do drift for a reason, and continually putting effort into those friendships is like throwing good money after bad.

our drifting apart was her choice , she didn’t even respond when I told her someone had died, I’d rather not be a weird needy stalker thanks all the same.

I agree that there doesn’t have to be a reason people drift apart.

during Covid I drifted apart from a few people, and then when the world got back to normal, my son started school; and I went back to work full time. So I lost touch with my Friday friends and then didn’t see colleagues anymore as we all worked from home. I wish everyone well; and would be delighted to reconnect in the future: but. At this point in life, I don’t have the time or energy

Exactly this.

In my own experience (very limited I admit) it only led me to wonder why I didn’t let sleeping dogs lie. It might not be the same for everyone but I almost immediately remembered why we’d “drifted” before but of course by then it was like scraping poop off to get rid of them

I reconnected w an old friend after about 12 years. We had sort of fallen out and a mutual friend got us back together & we just picked up from where we left off. We’d both been twats tbh, and we’ve been friends again for 14 years and see each other regularly. We did miss each other’s weddings which was sad.

I get you OP. I have loads of people I’d love to reconnect with but never do, they were very important to me. I see people have weddings where they invite people from every stage of their life and it’s nice. I still think of these people as a big part of my life

Why is it negative? It's factual, doesn't mean it's negative.

I hate this concept that we must constantly be trying to fix or maintain friendships. Sometimes friendships just drift as people move into other parts of their life, and that's fine, they were a chapter in your book and you don't need to write a new one.

I have 3 friends I/we have drifted from, I wish them no harm, I wish them nothing but positive things and hope they are well but they are from a different time of my life and they can stay there.

I dont get this either. You can think someone is a perfectly fine human being, but not want to be best buddies with them. I know several people like this at work- lovely people, but we are just very different and have different outlooks on life. We will never be friends who hang out with each other but thats ok- not everyone is meant to be your "friend", which is why the ones you have chosen are so precious.