To think it's weird not to know which school year your DC is in?

[AnnaQuayInTheUk]

I bumped into someone I hadn't seen for couple of years yesterday. Normal catch up chit chat. I asked how her DS was (she only has one DC) and asked whether he was now in Y8 or Y9 at school. She has to think about it then asked"he turns 14 in January, does that make him Y8 or Y9?". I had to tell her Y9.

My DC left school years ago but I always knew which year they were in at any given point. I was really surprised she didn't seem to know. Is she unusual or aren't people really aware? She's a lovely, bright woman so no issues with memory etc.

Brain fog, other peri symptoms, poor nights sleep, neurodivergence….. lot’s of reasons why she might have taken a minute to answer your question. None of which relate to her parenting ability.
I know my DD is in Y9 as I take on all the mental load and have lots of contact with school. Her dad wouldn’t have a clue. He knows her age obviously. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad parent, he just knows I’m better at dealing with the details for our DC’s so doesn’t have to think about things like this (we’re divorced if that makes a difference and Ive already LTB).

That is harsh and judgemental. She probably just had brain freeze.

There's been times when I know what's what but when asked a basic question I've been like a deer in headlights!
I wouldn't initially put it down to poor parenting if I knew the family, just a moment of brain fog

It might be really poor that she doesn't know, or maybe she's perimenopausal and has brain fog, or she was distracted and took a minute ... the other day I genuinely stopped and thought "wait how old is DS?" - my brain just stopped working and I second guessed myself. I wouldn't judge her on that.

I was about to say YANBU but I can never remember how old I am, so it happens I guess.

I don't think DH would know what year group ours were in without really racking his brains. He doesn't deal with any school stuff whatsoever.

I can sympathise a bit because ever since having my child my memory has gone to shit, absolute shit. I never had a great memory before but now it's terrible. I know my son is 4, but if someone asks me how old he is, I do find myself second guessing the answer. I forgot basic, every day words during normal conversations and it's not only embarrassing, but actually quite upsetting sometimes. Something like a school year would absolutely be something that might confuse my little brain.

I am even more concerned now that people might think I'm playing all "meh, whatever" to act cool.

I have a MSc and two high class degrees but can I fuck keep track of my kids school years. 3 kids, changes ever year. No chance.
I can't tell left from right either or spell basic words with out spell check either!

I find making unpleasant internal judgements over fuck all odder than taking a few secs to work out what year your child is on, on demand.

Funny how we're all different.

I think it’s extremely unusual not to know!

Usually their form/class has it in the title, eg 9AH which as a parent you always need for filling in forms etc.

Also when you get a letter from school with dates in, how do you know which ones are relevant, eg y9 parents evening on 3rd December, y8 trip to London on 19th November etc.

So did I! Wondering how many there are now! Mine was on top of a hill…

I am like this. I grew up with IV Form, V Form, VI Lower and VI Upper so the current numerical system triggers no personal point of reference for me and is just so arbitrary and generic. There’s nothing for me to latch on to.

I know that Year 7 is first year of seniors and Year 13 is the last. Everything else is just a muddle in the middle and sometimes it’s just not obvious to me and I have to count up from Year 7 or back from Year 13.

Doesn’t mean I don’t know exactly what and how my kids are doing in school. I can easily tell you where they are in terms of proximity to GCSEs and A levels, their strengths and weaknesses, their favourite subjects, broadly what they’re studying in their subjects, most of the teacher’s names, the ins and outs of their friendship groups etc etc.

The fact that I don’t easily retain an arbitrary label does not signal a lack of interest or laziness. It’s one tiny bit of information which really isn’t that important in the scheme of things. How weird that people would be so judgmental over something like that.

They might be very stressed or tired which can affect your memory. I keep telling people the wrong ages for my kids even though I know what age they are! Sometimes I forget my own age. Sometimes when people ask me where I work it takes me a few seconds to remember. And don't even bother asking me what I did at the weekend...that info won't be retained!

Dyscalculia would do it. Inability to remember or process numbers. It’s a struggle to remember numbers that don’t change every year, let alone ones that do!

I also bet that if the same question were asked on a dad’s forum there would be tonnes of guys without this information at their fingertips. And they wouldn’t be judging each other for it or consider it worthy of dissection on an internet forum. But hey, carry on judging.

Funny what some people think is 'weird'. Not knowing their child's Year in school? I wouldn't have given it a seconds thought if a friend had to pause before answering or say 'christ, I've no idea!' and just carried on a conversation.

If I'm asked what year my kids were born, I have a brain fart and I stop and think for a few seconds to make sure I'm saying it right but then I've had memory issues since late 40s thanks to the menopause...

I don't care what year my kids are in so no need to remember it.

I went to a state convent grammar school which was attached to a private prep school. So we started with Upper III and ended with Upper VI
My sons have been right through school with year numbers, but I would now struggle to know how old kids in year 10 actually are, although Lower IV would still be meaningful!

My husband would struggle. And I've never been able to work out the key stages! But I do know the year group.

I would say though that mixing years up seems pretty common round my way, especially in primary school so I can see some might be confused. I don't see it as big deal at all.

I do know what year my children are in. I have no memory issues. I have on occasion forgotten random basic information mid conversation occasionally.

I have to stop and consider what years my dc are in. I’m mid fifties, so when I was at school it went primary year 1- upper 6th, and at secondary it started again 1st year to upper 6th. I could tell you straight away in ‘old’ terms, but it still takes me a few minutes to recall the current year groups. Not helped that at primary school they had forms instead of years (ie form 1 was reception form two was year two and three…).
I don’t think it’s strange to not recall something immediately especially if you have lots of other clutter going through your mind.

Could she have been anxious about the interaction? Could you just have asked her about something that her mind was on?

I can sometimes do this and struggle to switch my mind. So for example if we were chatting and it dawned on me that I couldn’t remember if your mother in law had passed away or what your husbands name was it’s like my mind then can’t process anything else 😂 You could ask me any basics at this point and my mind would be ‘blank’.

And I have a massively multitasking senior job too.

Also flipping between year x, first year of x school and class x (which our schools do drive me potty). I still have to think of one of my children’s years as school use ‘class’ which is nonsense as there are 2 classes a year, he is first year of junior school as they are split and no one internal to school uses the ‘old money’ year 3 so I do have to think.

Sounds like a brain fart.

It takes me a while as I went to school in a different country, so if I'm put on the spot I'd work out what year it would be in the system I'm used to, then translate it. At DS1's school every class is named after their teacher rather than the year group, so I don't have that constant reminder either. So in his year he's in 2SD, and the other class are in 1AF, which tells me absolutely no information about the actual year group.

If she’s my age or older, the years were called different things when we were at school, so maybe that’s why she finds it hard to remember.

I don’t have trouble with this - but my exh does, although the kids tease him about it!

Edit - Also, yes if she went to school in a different country, including Scotland, or to a private school or something she may also find it hard to remember, as they’d be a different numbering system.

When my kids were in school I did struggle, tbh.

I still worked on the system in place when I was a kid. 1st year, 2nd year, infant school, junior school, then on to senior school it was 1st form, 2nd form, 3rd form etc.

I'd have to keep reminding myself because my instinct was to say what year they were in according to what it would have been called when I was a kid.