Is it traumatic for kids to move house?

[SilverDoublet]

We're about to move house to a bigger house. It's closer to my kids school and their friend/ grandparents and they will all get their own rooms for the teenage years. Now I feel rediculously sad that they are leaving a house where they spent their early childhood and I'm terrified it's going to affect them in some bad way. So much so that I'm looking for ways to stay put in our small house. Am I being stupid thinking like this? Please help.

From the other side, I kept things very safe and the same for my kids and regret it it a point now as I realise it was learnt behaviour from my upbringing where I was told to be constantly cautious and not trust my decisions. Do the move, it will be fine, keep it positive

Not all kids think the same so we would have no idea for your children

You are more attached to your house than your children.
They will see it as an adventure, nothing more. Exciting even with new rooms, garden etc.
It is not even as if they are having to move schools or loose contact with friends.

Don't project your fears onto them as I bet they cope perfectly well.

I moved house when I was 8 and remember it as a very exciting time. I remember running through all the rooms to pick my bedroom. We were also moving to a bigger house etc. The new house sounds fantastic!

I moved mine, it was fine. We stayed in the same area, so they didn't need to move schools or change clubs etc. It was just a bigger house. I'd think twice of moving house to new area if children happy and settled. It's people that matter not the walls you live in, they won't have any trauma.

No, it won’t affect them in any bad way !

Depends on your kid! But mine is generally quite a worrier, and he was completely fine after we unpacked.

It did help that he didn’t have to move schools - that would have really upset him, I think. We painted his new room the same colour and obviously he had the same furniture, and he was really happy with the view out of his new window.

It’s often about how you present it, if you sell it as something positive and model that to them then they pick up on that- the opposite is also true.

Far more likely to thrill them. But even if they evince reluctance, you have to remind yourselves that children do usually get through difficulties, and quickly, whereas contorting your life to prevent change just in case of any negative reaction, is sheer madness.
‘Traumatised’ though; isn’t your choice of word supremely alarmist? Why on Earth would a child moving to a new house go as far as that in response? It’s your decision, not your children’s, and if they are upset, well so be it. They'll come round.
Are you sure it’s not you resisting the move? Fearing change?
If a soul search tells you this is the case, you can adapt, but don’t seek to curtail kids’ responses (positive and negative) in order to maintain a ‘flatline’ emotional atmosphere. A bit of ‘Sturm und Drang’ is just normal life!

We only moved once as a child, went to school and got picked up and went to another house and shown a bedroom - and joy - a bathroom

Didnt bother us kids in the slightest, nothing else changed, we went to school, came home had tea, made friends with the neighbours kids and played in the street

If we had moved city to country or vice versa - maybe it could had been harder

I think it depends upon your child but certainly when doing educational psychologist assessments etc any house moves are asked to be listed in the major events that includes bereavements.

I suspect you’re getting the normal cold feet lots of people do when in the process of moving house and you’re focusing it on the idea it’ll traumatise your children.

If they’re staying in the same area then I’d say at very most they might be a bit sad and nostalgic about the old house when you actually pack and leave. And then within a few days they’ll enjoy their new house with all the advantages it offers. They’ll be fine. The word trauma is grossly overused for this sort of thing - they are just moving house, like people do all the time with no ill effects.

My two moved house within our area when they were 6 and 2. The 6 year old wasn’t bothered once he checked we were brining his bike. The 2 year old was fine, except on moving day when they got absolutely hysterical seeing our house empty and apparently thought we had got rid of all our possessions rather than just moving them down the road. Within a week it was like they’d never lived anywhere else and they’ve never expressed any interest in the old house since.

Maybe it's just me then. We moved house when I was a child and it changed my whole perception of myself. I think I probably had a depressive episode for a few years after. My brother was perhaps the same. My much younger siblings were fine though

Have your children expressed any worries about moving? It sounds like you might be projecting your anxiety onto them?

I think it's common to feel the way you do about moving. Change is hard and your home sounds like a happy one. You haven't listed anything negative about the move though, so trust your decision.

When we moved to a bigger house, my girls, 6 and 3 at the time, continued sharing a room for a while until they felt ready to be in their own space.

I can see why you’d think that and there will be some sadness and memories. That’s very normal. But I don’t think it’s traumatic.

Hopefully the new house will be super exciting and they can see the benefits.

you can take photos maybe

I remember moving as a kid I loved it as i got to decorate my new room exactly how i wanted.

My older 2 were fine with house moves. My 2nd youngest was 4 when we moved from the house he had been born in and it took a huge toll on him. He stopped eating. It got so bad I had to take him to hospital but he slowly got back to normal. He is autistic so that didn't help

I remember moving as a kid, we went to see the house at various stages of the build which was cool, and i was annoyed that me and DB were dispatched off to grandparents on moving day.

Definitely no trauma.

They might be upset at first but they’ll get over it.

Focus on the positives. I moved with my sen child last year we were in same house their entire life and wasn't one bit bothered as they have a big garden in a nicer area to enjoy plus more space/bigger bedroom

New houses should be exciting! Make sure that’s what your tone is saying. I had moved countries several times by 10 and I thought that was awesome. Getting to a new place for the very first time and it’s your home now is really exciting.

Children pick up a lot of cues from their parents. If you are focusing on the positives, and supporting (not dismissing) any worries they have, it will likely be fine.

Moving HOUSE never bothered my DDs it was the other stuff around it (schools, people etc). Sounds like their overall life won't change.

If you get them involved in designing their new rooms it can help as well.

Yes, this is the case, its a huge loss

I missed my friends and my old area, I had to change schools and didnt ever really feel I fitted in. I didnt find it exciting.

Kids move all the time, don’t overthink it. We moved continents! You have to often

We moved when my son was 7 to a larger house 15 mins drive away. We went from a small garden to somewhere with several acres. He had an absolute ball in lockdown, and has a lot of freedom associated with having a bit of space. He sometimes whinges about leaving the old place but gets short shrift, my kids have had a far better childhood from having moved when we did. Do it!

I moved several times as child but each time a couple of hundred miles so life changing moves each time. I wouldn’t recommend that.