Is it traumatic for kids to move house?

[SilverDoublet]

We're about to move house to a bigger house. It's closer to my kids school and their friend/ grandparents and they will all get their own rooms for the teenage years. Now I feel rediculously sad that they are leaving a house where they spent their early childhood and I'm terrified it's going to affect them in some bad way. So much so that I'm looking for ways to stay put in our small house. Am I being stupid thinking like this? Please help.

As someone who was moved around as a child - and remain bitter about it in my 50s - I think it’s fine because you’re staying in the same area. Looking back, I think moving to the other end of the country, away from extended family, my school etc did impact me negatively. But a bigger, better house in the same area sounds perfect!

I moved loads as a child, my parent was in military. I don’t remember it being traumatic. It probably would have been better to stay at one school, but I don’t think it has impacted me for the worse as an adult.

Now I feel rediculously sad that they are leaving a house where they spent their early childhood
We're moving soon and I can't help but feel the same! So I'm going to say it's a normal reaction 😂

The DC were quite anti moving at first but where we live is not working for us and they're old enough to realise it. I did insist we stay in the same area so the DC can still get to their clubs (bonus for me, we will have a better bus service so they can go alone!) and will still be in the same catchment for secondary.

I moved a lot as a child and hated it - the new schools, clubs having to start all over again. I don't know anyone from my primary age child hood and didn't want that for my DC. I was always jealous of uni friends who had best friends from primary school! I want them to have a place / town they know well and feel like they belong somewhere.

ETA DH doesn't get it. He doesn't think it would matter if we moved the other side of the country. But his parents still live pretty much where he was born so he really doesn't understand where I'm coming from. He only realised I was deadly serious when I said he would have to get a flat by his potential new job and commute back to us for weekends.

We moved when DC was 5 turning 6 but kept them in the same school even though it was a bit of a ballache because we were wary of too many changes at once.
House moves happen for all sorts of reasons, yours is a positive reason so hopefully won’t hold any negative associations for anyone

It's considered an adverse life event.

I moved 5 times as a child. The first one was not even slightly traumatic. My school stayed the same. Our family just had more room - our own bedrooms and a garden. The second move was to a new city mid school year. That one, yes - it had negative effects. But also positive ones. I was now seeing grandparents weekly/daily rather than every few months. I think the benefits still outweighed negatives.

One move when everything else remains stable (same household, same school, same neighbourhood, better facilities for your needs) is unlikely ro negatively impact your children.

My lads lived in 6 houses, in 3 different places in England and Scotland before they were 18.
They are just fine.

Of the many house/county/ country moves my DDs did, the only one I count as traumatic was the one that happened during Covid and the trauma was more from that than from the move... the move was badly timed for DD2 (but necessary for DD1 as we were positioning for Secondary School applications) but we had no idea when we started the process about the coming school closures.
We had a rough few years, but out the other side now.

It was too much change, not moving house.

My family moved house when I was 10. It meant I'd be changing schools and having a rural life, having lived in a town by the sea. Plus it was a bigger house where I'd have my own room. The house was being built so we'd go visit it most weekends to see how progress was going (more likely Mum keeping an eye on what the builders were doing) and our old house was auctioned so we then had to rent somewhere for about 6 weeks before the new house was ready. I think it was far more stressful for my grandmother who was coming with us as she got pneumonia during that time, but recovered OK. I had some wobbles at the new school which was very different but honestly there was so much to do at the new place I didn't look back.

Doing so at a young age I would say is fine. We moved twice before I was 5 and I remember both of them being exciting! The second move was from the north to the south of England and at the end of my first year of primary school. I remember missing my friends but soon made some amazing new ones who I'm still friends with now in my 30's, even though I no longer live in the area.

Moving with teens/ older kids sounds more difficult. My MIL and her 2 sisters were moved from London to devon when she was 14 and the others 10 and 12 and describes it as the worst time of her life and even now, all 3 definitely resent her parents for uprooting the family.

We moved several times when I was a child, I loved being able to choose the decor for my room and found it so exciting.
The only moves I hated were the ones that involved my moving schools so losing my friends.

I have twins. One was really upset by it for months, the other didn’t care. So there you go.

Staying at same school and near family far less so than moving away and starting new schools etc.

Moving house is stressful full stop. It doesn’t matter who you are or your age!

But you can make it exciting and a good experience so if it gives them stability if same school but better living conditions (own room) I wouldn’t be hesitating.

They say moving house is stressful but that is with reference to adults. From the responses here, it is positive and exciting for the majority of children.

It sounds like you are projecting your own worries onto your children, OP. Please don’t encourage them to be traumatised.

We moved multiple times as a child (including moving countries). As others have said, it was leaving my friends and starting a new school that was stressful and traumatic, not the house move.

Moved house aged 8. 400 miles away, never returned for a visit, never saw friends again. I think it did have an impact. No major trauma, but a sense of loss

But that's quite different from your situation

My kids have experienced numerous house moves by the time eldest is 10 - and it’s been a right adventure! They’ve loved the packing process, the boxes, planning the decor of their new bedrooms- exploring the new garden!

Perhaps avoid the Bluey episode The Sign

Perhaps avoid the Bluey episode The Sign

Guess it depends on the circumstances. If you’re fleeing domestic violence and moving into a safe house or a crowded hotel room miles away from your school with no belongings then yes it would be traumatic.

Moving to a larger house nearer to school where their routine is kept the same seems not very traumatic to me.

Not in the situation described, I don’t think. Moving to a nicer house nearer all their friends and support systems is not traumatic, even if they’re a bit sad.

It absolutely can be traumatic to move house in other circumstances. I see a lot of selfish parents completely uproot their kids for the parents’ benefit and leave them traumatised. But people on here always seem to side with those parents and justify it with children being adaptable and how “the benefit of the family” (ie the parents) should overrule a child’s feelings.

Traumatic?! If this is the language you use for moving house, what do you use for kids raised in a war zone, or abused, etc? Keep some perspective.

You are going to give them serious anxiety if you approach every change in this way op.

Wholesale relocations to different continents and cultures can sometimes be very stressful for children, and some struggle, but in your case it is very close by.

Take the time to listen to them, hear how they feel. Get them used to the house by driving past regularly, planning how life will be etc.

Get some counselling re your childhood house move. Assuming it was just a standard move without divorce, loss of a parent etc it does sound like it had a negative impact on you.

No you're fine.
my kids however have moved 8 and 6 times - for lots of sensible reasons, but it’s a lot. We’re struggling financially and might make one more move to be mortgage free. But it’s a lot for DC.

I moved house at 3, 8, 12 and 16. I remember I was excited for all of the moves. The houses were a large enough distance apart that there was continuity. At the time I thought of it as an adventure but as an adult I can see it was disruptive to my sense of safety and community to move around so much. A move nearer to your community and school is not going to do your kids any harm.

It’s silly, just move. It’s not a trauma. It’s just a change. The best thing you can do is build resilience in your children by giving them opportunities to face change and cope with it. Moving house is hard work and unsettling, but everyone will get through it and sounds like a positive change for them.