Is it traumatic for kids to move house?

[SilverDoublet]

We're about to move house to a bigger house. It's closer to my kids school and their friend/ grandparents and they will all get their own rooms for the teenage years. Now I feel rediculously sad that they are leaving a house where they spent their early childhood and I'm terrified it's going to affect them in some bad way. So much so that I'm looking for ways to stay put in our small house. Am I being stupid thinking like this? Please help.

There's nothing negative about the changes you've stated though. They're not changing schools, they'll be closer to their school and friends, they'll be closer to grandparents, they'll have more space to themselves.

You're allowing your own negative experience when you were a child to affect how you feel about this move, this is something you need to keep to yourself rather than share with the children. If you have to, find other people (or online forum like you have done) to discuss it with. Stay upbeat and positive to your dc and they will likely view it all as an exciting adventure with benefits, rather than a traumatic ordeal.

I moved a couple of times as a kid, was OK. Also moved when my dc was five and he was fine (also autistic). Some kids just glide through whatever life chucks at them, if you frame it as positive, they're far more likely to view it the same.

Of course it’s not traumatic to move house. It sounds like it’s going to benefit the children. Do you always second guess yourself? You are being ridiculous with an i…

I am trying not to give the kids anxiety, but it has been very stressful so far for us as parents, in terms of doing house viewings, getting our own place sale agreed, finances etc, finding a new house. All the extra expenses.... Work that needs to be done to the new house.
So I hope it is not affecting the. My husband keeps having flare ups from a stress related condition he has.
In terms of the house move when I was a child, we moved out of my grandparent's house who had always been there for me and my brother, to the other side of the city, and my grandparent died soon after the move.

I moved A LOT as a child. It was very important to me that my children didn’t. But I think our moving was extreme-house, school and usually country every time. Same school and better house? what’s not to like!

We moved countries! Several times. Kids absolutely thrived! We always put them first, made sure they had play dates asap, talked openly with them about any concerns etc. The multicultural aspect of the international schools they went to was fabulous. They are both very well rounded humans: one's a teacher, one's in the Met. Both have lived overseas as well. So, moving house locally, honestly, I can't see the problem. Enjoy the extra space.

Traumatic? Of course not.

Yes.

You are also misusing and undermining the word ‘trauma’

My 7 year old struggled. For
about 3 years he’d say, “can we go home now?” It was heartbreaking.

Young kids will remember the house as a distant memory and really won't care! Goodness, I moved houses and countries several times and loved the adventures of it. As parents we can project what we feel.

So that’s completely understandable isn’t it, you have linked unconsciously moving house with losing someone precious. This is likely the source of your depression, and not the move itself. You must have been very close if you lived together, and must have missed your close family unit.

Moving house is very stressful, but your issues are psychological rather than practical. Try to approach it as an adventure and make this move as positive as you can. This time you can try and have a better experience. You are an adult now, and this is your choice, you can ensure it is approached as fun and exciting.

Besides the hyperbolic language of being traumatic they will be fine and treat it as a new adventure.

Bear in mind your attitude and feelings on it will set the tone so start focusing on the positive.

What on Earth OP!!! You're moving house, you're not burying 20 expensive horses that your children grew up with or some such tragedy.
Just move and enjoy the new place. Make new memories.
Of course moving house is not traumatic. Be reasonably organised and try not to get stressed over minor things.
People move all over the world with children of all ages and it can be extremely exciting. Certainly not traumatic.
What truly matters is that your family is tight and stays together through all changes and that your home is a safe place where everyone can be themselves.

If you're staying in the same area then its more likely to excite them than upset them. It's moving to a different area, leaving behind their friends and starting a new school that can cause issues but depends on the child. We moved when I was 13 and my brother was 15 and his hair literally fell out from stress but I was fine.

We moved to a new house when my son was a month short off his 5th birthday. We kept to the same routine on the day of the move - he went off to pre-school, the only difference being after I picked him up, we went to our new house instead. We took him with his to view different properties, and when we settled on our now home, he chose his bedroom. He did say a few times he missed our old house but that soon disappeared. He's 15 now, and can't really remember much about our old house or his bedroom etc. Move, your children will be fine, and will settle. We moved to a better area, and so we could apply for better schools, so staying where we were wasn't an option.

No, its not traumatic unless perhaps you are moving long distance. They will pick up on your perspective, so why not frame it as an exciting experience.

Moving house is normally exciting.

But even if they were to be upset by it, it's not a reason not to do it.
Why? Because you're denying them the opportunity to build resilience (with you around to help and support them and help them learn the tools) and learn to manage events and feelings that might be uncomfortable.

Life will inevitably contain upsetting events. Trauma is not about the event itself, but about how the person perceives it and reacts to it. So people who are never exposed to anything challenging at all are far more likely to be traumatised, because they've never learnt healthy coping mechanisms and how to deal with those feelings.

We are doing people no favours by letting them reach adulthood with no experience of getting through adversities.

I moved my daughter aged 8 to a different county. So new school etc. I knew it would be disruptive but she’s thriving in her new little school and loves the new house because of the space!

Lots of things have the potential to be traumatic if it isn’t handled properly but with support kids cope well with lots of changes. I adored house moves as a child which was just as well because we moved a lot. But it badly affected some of my siblings. In your case though very little except the house is changing. I think with a really exciting spin put on it for your kids it can be a big adventure.

They will pick up on how you are feeling about the move. You need to be positive and talk about it only in terms of the benefits and excitement. They'll be fine if you do that. and being grateful for having a secure house to live in.

They are not changing school and I think that makes a huge difference. We moved when I was 6 and then again when I was 9.

Both times I had to change schools and that was a bit of a hassle.

We moved around a lot when ours were little and we rented as well, which didn’t help because you couldn’t transform the bedrooms to be the same
I actually really regret it. The small house was fine.
And it was their home

We didn’t move when the kids were younger as they were so against it , looking back it was a big mistake !

You're BU to type out 'rediculously', but aside from that, yes, some children do find it difficult but it's a good lesson in change and it doesn't damage them long-term.

When we moved to our lovely new house, my DC found it hard and very sad initially. I focused on making their bedroom beautiful and they did love the house from the off, but also felt sadness at leaving the old one behind at the same time.

I'm a sentimental person and also felt quite sad, even though I was excited for the move. I find moving on from almost anything I've loved tricky and that's just a quirk of my personality I've had to learn to navigate.

It sounds like you are the one who is attached. In my experience, children are generally fine with it.

My son went into hospital from one house and was discharged to a new house so it was initially weird for him because it wasn't at all expected and he adapted amazingly well.

We should stop using the word traumatic so lightly.
Unsettling, at most.