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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:46

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:37

We have mega expensive tuition fees, Brexit, Covid, austerity, Russia all happening since I turned 16 in 2008. There have been no halcyon days that we can look back on fondly, it’s ALL been shit. No 1 thing has been easy bar Amazon Prime.

Every generation has its challenges. We had no equal pay, no maternity rights, no childcare (free or otherwise), income tax was 33% when I started work, inflation reached 25% at one point and interest rates hit 17%. We too have had Bexit, Covid and austerity. Yes, it’s all been shit for you, I don’t disagree but there were no halcyon days for us either.

Of course there were. You had the days of fantastically cheap housing, no austerity, the best public services in the 90s and early 2000s, the triple lock which will not continue for us, no bloody AI and more entry level careers. You just got a job and bought a house, it wasn’t this steep aspiration that is becoming completely unrealistic for most. New Labour (before Iraq War), food was cheaper.

I accept every time has had its problems but post 2010 is much much worse than any decade before, with the exception of pre-1950.

OP posts:
rachelhere · 14/11/2025 21:47

'Feminized in an awful way but still toxically masculine in an awful way' is a brilliant description btw. Men are, indeed, fucking useless!

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:48

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:46

Of course there were. You had the days of fantastically cheap housing, no austerity, the best public services in the 90s and early 2000s, the triple lock which will not continue for us, no bloody AI and more entry level careers. You just got a job and bought a house, it wasn’t this steep aspiration that is becoming completely unrealistic for most. New Labour (before Iraq War), food was cheaper.

I accept every time has had its problems but post 2010 is much much worse than any decade before, with the exception of pre-1950.

Do some research on the 1970s. It will blow your mind.

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:48

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 21:31

I was a single parent in the 1980s with three children. My ex never paid a penny towards their upbringing. I left school without any qualifications. I couldn’t get a mortgage. How have I had it easy?

Bringing up an unfortunate specific scenario doesn’t negate the general rule

OP posts:
Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:48

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:48

Do some research on the 1970s. It will blow your mind.

If what you came up with was the worst bit then I don’t think it will.

OP posts:
Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 21:53

Every generation has its challenges…..

This is especially true for women. I grew up with a father who didn’t believe in education for women. He used to say women didn’t need education, as their place was, as a housewife in the home. My mother never worked and she suffered with her mental health. She had a breakdown in her 50s and was sectioned for her own safety. I’m certain her poor health was a result of nothing to do but housework. My father controlled the finances very strictly. We only had a bath once a week. My mother wasn’t allowed out.

After marriage, which I admit I rushed into to get away from my father, I had kids quickly and I gave up work to look after them as did most of my peers in the 70s/80s. There wasn’t any childcare where I lived. We didn’t have a car, we had a black and white TV and the children had second hand toys and clothes. When my marriage ended I was left completely destitute.

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 21:56

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:48

Bringing up an unfortunate specific scenario doesn’t negate the general rule

There is no general rule. Every generation of women has faced challenges.

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:56

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 21:48

If what you came up with was the worst bit then I don’t think it will.

OK. Imagine your life now if the men you work with were paid twice as much as you for the same work, you get pregnant and you don’t get any maternity leave or pay, in fact your employer can just sack you. If you keep your job there’s no nursery, if you’re lucky there might be an unregulated childminder. When you get your pay packet you get to keep 58% of your wages, despite only being a basic tax payer. Your money buys you 25% less this year than it did last. You find the day before pay day that you only have the money for a loaf of bread or a pint of milk, not both. You can’t get a credit card or finance on anything without a man’s signature.

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 21:59

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:56

OK. Imagine your life now if the men you work with were paid twice as much as you for the same work, you get pregnant and you don’t get any maternity leave or pay, in fact your employer can just sack you. If you keep your job there’s no nursery, if you’re lucky there might be an unregulated childminder. When you get your pay packet you get to keep 58% of your wages, despite only being a basic tax payer. Your money buys you 25% less this year than it did last. You find the day before pay day that you only have the money for a loaf of bread or a pint of milk, not both. You can’t get a credit card or finance on anything without a man’s signature.

This is exactly how it was for us women. Thanks for a great post @BIossomtoes . 👏

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 22:11

Oh and I forgot. Your wages can’t be taken into account for a mortgage and prospective lenders have a legal quota of how many applicants they can lend to that they can’t exceed.

1dayatatime · 14/11/2025 22:12

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:56

OK. Imagine your life now if the men you work with were paid twice as much as you for the same work, you get pregnant and you don’t get any maternity leave or pay, in fact your employer can just sack you. If you keep your job there’s no nursery, if you’re lucky there might be an unregulated childminder. When you get your pay packet you get to keep 58% of your wages, despite only being a basic tax payer. Your money buys you 25% less this year than it did last. You find the day before pay day that you only have the money for a loaf of bread or a pint of milk, not both. You can’t get a credit card or finance on anything without a man’s signature.

Yes life was crappy for men and women back then but this was over 50 plus years ago, scroll back another 50 years and it was even worse.

But none of this justifies asking the younger women and men of today,through either higher taxes or lower state spending on WASPI compensation, in order to pay for the historic injustices of half a century ago.

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 22:15

1dayatatime · 14/11/2025 22:12

Yes life was crappy for men and women back then but this was over 50 plus years ago, scroll back another 50 years and it was even worse.

But none of this justifies asking the younger women and men of today,through either higher taxes or lower state spending on WASPI compensation, in order to pay for the historic injustices of half a century ago.

I completely agree with your last paragraph@1dayatatime. Life was worse for women than it was for men by a very wide margin when I was a young woman.

rachelhere · 14/11/2025 22:23

But then, I suppose, you have to think, billions for Chagos, billions for immigrants, billions for net zero, why not billions for women? Why the hell not? There are billions for many other questionable things, are there not?

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 22:26

rachelhere · 14/11/2025 22:23

But then, I suppose, you have to think, billions for Chagos, billions for immigrants, billions for net zero, why not billions for women? Why the hell not? There are billions for many other questionable things, are there not?

Old women are not valued. That’s it.

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 22:29

BIossomtoes · 14/11/2025 21:56

OK. Imagine your life now if the men you work with were paid twice as much as you for the same work, you get pregnant and you don’t get any maternity leave or pay, in fact your employer can just sack you. If you keep your job there’s no nursery, if you’re lucky there might be an unregulated childminder. When you get your pay packet you get to keep 58% of your wages, despite only being a basic tax payer. Your money buys you 25% less this year than it did last. You find the day before pay day that you only have the money for a loaf of bread or a pint of milk, not both. You can’t get a credit card or finance on anything without a man’s signature.

But the majority of women were married. Getting pregnant and being sacked wasn’t the disaster it is now for married women as 2 wages were not as necessary. I’m not saying for a moment it wasn’t a challenge, I just don’t believe it was as big a challenge as now. 2 wages being needed under 1 roof is always more problematic than 1 being needed. And we know very well about cost of living thank you!

OP posts:
Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 22:49

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 22:29

But the majority of women were married. Getting pregnant and being sacked wasn’t the disaster it is now for married women as 2 wages were not as necessary. I’m not saying for a moment it wasn’t a challenge, I just don’t believe it was as big a challenge as now. 2 wages being needed under 1 roof is always more problematic than 1 being needed. And we know very well about cost of living thank you!

It was a disaster for a woman if her marriage failed. It’s all very well saying it didn’t matter because you were married. Now if your marriage ends, you have a job and can support yourself.

Cheeseontoastghost · 14/11/2025 22:55

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 19:31

This is all completely true. I got divorced in the 1980s and I tried, unsuccessfully, to get a mortgage. After asking about a mortgage at my bank, I was patronisingly told to go home and talk to my husband.

accept every time has had its problems but post 2010 is much much worse than any decade before, with the exception of pre-1950
You were born in 1992
How on earth would you know?

Please educate yourself about the economic crisis of the 1970s
It lasted the whole decade.
Tax and inflation was crippling, families could barely afford to eat, the conditions we all lived would be considered poverty now.
Women were sexually assaulted at work and sacked if they got pregnant so no pension.
Families barely managed to scrape by with one salary not enough the pay the rent or mortgage, women worked but it had to be around their families, so cleaning jobs, cash in hand.
Home ownership was 40%
There was no credit , welfare carried a huge stigma
Domestic violence was normal, if women complained they were told they deserved it.
Marital rate was only made illegal in 1992

Women who were abused by their husbands were put onto valium and became addicted

Shall I go on?
You are clueless
We get it, you hate your MIL but very few women of that era were like her or a fortunate

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 23:00

Women from the 1950s were disadvantaged in the workplace. We didn’t have equal pay or equal opportunities. I had a job as a clerical assistant but there wasn’t a pension scheme available for women.

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 23:05

Cheeseontoastghost · 14/11/2025 22:55

accept every time has had its problems but post 2010 is much much worse than any decade before, with the exception of pre-1950
You were born in 1992
How on earth would you know?

Please educate yourself about the economic crisis of the 1970s
It lasted the whole decade.
Tax and inflation was crippling, families could barely afford to eat, the conditions we all lived would be considered poverty now.
Women were sexually assaulted at work and sacked if they got pregnant so no pension.
Families barely managed to scrape by with one salary not enough the pay the rent or mortgage, women worked but it had to be around their families, so cleaning jobs, cash in hand.
Home ownership was 40%
There was no credit , welfare carried a huge stigma
Domestic violence was normal, if women complained they were told they deserved it.
Marital rate was only made illegal in 1992

Women who were abused by their husbands were put onto valium and became addicted

Shall I go on?
You are clueless
We get it, you hate your MIL but very few women of that era were like her or a fortunate

And equally you probably have zero clue what it’s like to be a younger working person now. All the ladies I know age 60+ say what I’m saying. That while some things were worse, life was more straightforward, a goodish standard of living was easily available if you worked and made good decisions.

OP posts:
Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 23:07

Garamousalata · 14/11/2025 22:49

It was a disaster for a woman if her marriage failed. It’s all very well saying it didn’t matter because you were married. Now if your marriage ends, you have a job and can support yourself.

Can you? With a baby? Or a child with SEN? Saying ‘you can just get a job’ is so glib when the same preclusions apply now.

OP posts:
SailingAwayAgain · 14/11/2025 23:22

Imfat · 11/11/2025 23:20

I was born may 1960 so it doesn't effect me. I knew about the change when it was announced.
Yet my friend born February 1960 insists it wasn't in the news.
Money is tight so I don't think this compensation should be paid.

Your friend is deluded. It was all over the news TV, radio, magazines, newspapers and was discussed in various non-news programmes for years. I simply cannot understand how anyone could not have known. It was a huge change to state pensions and it generated a great deal of discussion in the media.

Scotiasdarling · 15/11/2025 00:44

@Ticklyoctopus I feel sorry for you, because you are obviously struggling, but so much of what you say is just rubbish. I have explained why houses cost more now but you seem completely unable to understand.

When you say that buying with 15% interest rates was cheaper than now comparatively what on earth do you mean???

Take a £300000 mortgage. Interest on that at 3.75% is £11250 per year.
That same mortgage, if interest rates went up to 15% would cost £45000 per year.
Do you understand that it is simply insulting to say that buying a house was cheap?

You do know that salaries were a lot lower in the past don't you?

Sexentric · 15/11/2025 07:11

15% on a mortgage of 50,000 is 7.5k per year. 5% on a mortgage of 500,000 is 25k per year. Does it make sense now? You can't conpare interest rates on a house of the same value because house are NOT the same value

Cheeseontoastghost · 15/11/2025 07:35

Ticklyoctopus · 14/11/2025 23:05

And equally you probably have zero clue what it’s like to be a younger working person now. All the ladies I know age 60+ say what I’m saying. That while some things were worse, life was more straightforward, a goodish standard of living was easily available if you worked and made good decisions.

All the ladies I know age 60+ say what I’m saying

I am one and I was there !
Although I refer to myself as a woman not a lady 😉
I do understand the challenges of young working women as I have 2 daughters.
I do understand the challenges of getting on the property ladder ,I have diverted inheritance directly to them as house deposits.
This is the thing though
The challenges of today don't negate the challenges of past women.

Superhansrantowindsor · 15/11/2025 07:51

Good luck to them. Women often weren’t allowed to pay into private pension. They were denied the opportunity to earn the same as men. It really was very very different times. The issue is the speed at which the change came in and how it didn’t give women enough time to prepare. An injustice is an injustice. I think the younger generations have got it shit in different ways but the answer is to work together against being treated like crap whatever your age rather than turning against each other.