20 year old thinks we’re mad to think about selling ‘her’ car

[JCB4]

through a loss in the family we ended up with an opportunity to buy another family members car for much cheaper than we could have bought anywhere else, great car, low mileage etc. We paid £3500 and offered it to DD1 (19) as she was keen to take up driving. She had lessons in the passed but didnt stick at it. So she would have some value we said she could contribute £1000 from her savings ( that we have saved). I didn’t actually move the money but she doesn’t know that. Fast forward 4 months and she got sacked from her job ( after 4 weeks ) and hasn’t found another. Lies in bed most days until dinner time and does nothing to help out around the house. We have had to pay insurance, MOT and she hasn’t made any effort to study her theory. Tonight I said the car will have to go if you haven’t got a job by next month as we can’t afford to keep paying for it. She replied yeah I know but atleast il get the money for it! I said no you will get your £1000 back and we will be selling the car for what it’s worth. This was an opportunity for you and you havnt taken it. AIBU here? She’s absolutely fuming saying it’s her car and she should get the money. The car is in my name so it’s technically mine. I’m shocked she would even think that she can just sell it making thousands of profit when she’s made no effort to get a job to pay for it.

How long have you been paying the insurance for?

I don’t really know why you are surprised because you have given her the expectation that she can just dance through life without having to do very much at all. Telling her that she had to contribute a thousand pounds and then not taking it, not insisting that she does chores, allowing her to be in bed all day long. Of course she thinks she should have a free car. Although as you told her you were charging her a grand then she doesn’t think it’s a free car, she thinks she’s contributed.

She can’t have a car, she can’t drive. That’s the end of it really.

You ‘offered’ it to DD. Did you give it to her? Because then it’s hers. Not technically, actually. Now I wouldn’t have chosen to do that until she committed properly. But if you did, you did.

However, she has to pay the insurance because it’s hers.

She hasn't paid any of her money for the car, she doesn't own it. She's lazy and entitled. Sell it and tell her to grow up.

You are right OP.
Actions have consequences.

Her action to get sacked by doing (or not doing) whatever caused that now has the consequence of her losing her car.

Life is tough. We need to work to have nice things. Finger out time. The sooner she learn that the better.

It might be different if she were made redundant through no fault of her own.

If a good car would you not put it off the road as she may need a car when she gets a job.... Second hand cars are so expensive so if a good one could you keep it?
Otherwise yes. Sell

YANBU, but she’s at the stage where the ownership of things becomes strange.

I remember wanting to sell the desk in my bedroom when I was 18 and going to uni. Parents said I couldn’t, as it was theirs. They also decided to get rid of my double bed and replace it with a single. I was outraged! I remember saying “So what’s mine then, are my teddies mine? Are my books mine? Is everything you ever gave me still yours? Or just the expensive stuff?”

Obviously unreasonable, but as a young adult who is used to thinking of the things they are given as theirs, and as everything in the house as “ours”, the transition into adulthood and accepting that actually everything your parents buy isn’t also yours, can be a shock, especially before properly starting to earn their own money.

Is the term ‘little madam’ still used? The cheek of her!

Does your daughter have her driving license?

This is a great perspective. Really good post.

Try reading the opening post...

Well, I read it, that the daughter didn't stick with the driving lessons, but I wasn't certain if it for sure meant that she never got her driving license. I was just looking for some clarification.

English is not my first language. I apologize.

No, she hasn’t even done her theory test.

The issue is that the dd was told she was contributing £1000 because that’s what she was told. So she thinks it’s hers.

Make up your mind, you gave her the car for a contribution of £1,000, or you didn't. You can't give something and then take it back if it suits you.

Spoilt brat

and the 1000 was from what you actually saved

so not her money at all

That’s what I thought 😵‍💫

So you think it’s reasonable that after not working for 4 months and not doing anything to get her license she should now be able to sell the car and make about 4/5 grand so she can continue lying in her bed?

She lost her job and is lying around in bed?

Are you worried about her? Depression? A knock back like that is serious when you’re young.

Thanks for your in put, I can understand where your coming from. I just couldn’t believe she would think she can sell it and keep the money 😣 I did say I would give her the £1000 back to put in her savings.

Thing is she’s made no effort and if that continues it could take long enough and it would do the car no good to still doing nothing for months on end. Iv no where off road to park so would have to pay insurance and road tax too.

Agree with this, except there's something that feels different about a car, as it has ongoing costs - the insurance etc. Here the parent is like a bank repossessing after financial/other obligations haven't been met.

Make up your mind, you gave her the car for a contribution of £1,000, or you didn't. You can't give something and then take it back if it suits you.

Well if it's hers, she needs to be paying the tax, insurance, MOT, doesn't she? From today.

She obviously considered the car hers when you got it.
Maybe lay out the costs involved that you have paid for and tell her you didn't actually take the 1K out, she hasn't been responsible in obtaining her licence and therefore you need to recuperate costs.

Well, I certainly do not.

When does the insurance lapse? Perhaps you could use it as a carrot to motivate her?