Do your parents offer to have your children?

[Ohnottheschoolrunagain]

Me and DH have got into a dispute so I’m trying to work out whether our set up is normal or not. His parents never offer to come over or ask whether the kids want to stay over. I honestly think if we never took them they would never see the kids. DH say he prefer’s it that way but I don’t believe that for one second and that’s why he is so triggered. My mum will offer but she is a good drive away so sometimes I won’t bother. His parents are closer but radio silence!

Intrigued to know what other people’s setups are like.

Yes they do. They take them out to do things so they have 1-1 quality time.

Nope. Mine aren’t in a position to help.

Neither set of parents is in a position to help, so no.

Yes, but I am very fortunate, Mum and SD are a bit of a distance away but I’d say she has the kids maybe 3/4 times a year for the weekend and will also have them at our house sometimes, with days out and generally just seeing her in between.
Dad and SM live round the corner, they have the kids a little more as they are closer, sometimes not always over night, but we pop in more as they are closer.

My teenager will go to grandparents whenever he wants, after school for dinner etc and will still stay there quite frequently.

Its always been that way in our family, I used to love sleeping over at my aunts and grandparents houses.

My parents used to offer to have DS for say a week, when he was the only child. When twin DDs came along, they never offered to have just one of them. They lived 3.5 hours away, so a one night sleep over was never practical.

Ditto MIL, living 3.5 hours away in a different direction.

No, my MIL only ever babysat once ( for 2 hours) and she was standing in the door when we got back at 8pm ready to leave.
My parents only ever had one dc for 2 nights when I was rushed into hospital with a miscarriage. My mother never let me forget that. She happily had my sisters’ children for days at a time, babysat etc.
All very hurtful but nothing I could do about it but they did wonder why the dcs didn’t want to see them regularly when they were older 🤷🏼‍♀️

In what way is he 'triggered'?
I barely saw my grandparents growing up even though they were close by, I never slept at their houses and they never babysat us. I thought it was weird that my friends grandparents did stuff with them.

Yes both sets of grandparents offer to have DD and sometimes give gifts like restaurant vouchers with childcare thrown in. The Grandparents who live near the school also do a couple of pick ups every week.

I should add, we’re lucky. I would completely get and respect them if they stopped, especially now they’re getting older.

They will do a couple of evenings a year now she is older. Up until she was 5 they found it too much. They are older and not in amazing health, plus my mum finds kids v stressful. In laws don't help at all.

I'll admit I feel extremely envious of people with grandparents who will help out.

Nope

They ask to see us but do not offer childcare

I think many MILs are very paranoid about overstepping.. so many threads from DILs upset that their MIL offers to babysit and prefer their own mum

Nope my parents don’t put would drop everything if I asked. Though when my oldest was a toddler they did regular childcare once a week. But since then just if I asked can you watch while parents evening, can you have them overnight for event.

His parents don’t. Too busy with his sister’s kids, so even when we have asked we always need a back up as 9/10 they pull out last minute. We only used to ask maybe once a year now we don’t bother at all.

Please don’t hate me for this
My entire family fights for when they can take my kids during the holidays. I come from a very large family that has reduced in size this generation and they all want to take them for a couple of days to treat them.

Growing up I would always take out my younger cousins when I was off or they would stay with me.

My parents live in another country and my MIL never bothered. I feel a bit sad for my son now, who doesn't really have much of a deep relationship with either grandparents 😔

I wouldn't say it's normal not to be interested in your grandchildren but my observations tell me that usually those who weren't that interested in their own children aren't that likely to be interested in their grandchildren, i.e. you don't suddenly become attentive grandparents after not being attentive parents.

Yes but not together

My parents just like your in laws. Their own parents stayed home and they dragged us to visit each set in turn, weekends holidays etc all taken up sitting in grandparents’ houses where we didn’t have toys or friends.

Now they are grandparents my tone deaf parents determined to copy this model and want us to visit them. I’ve told them a million times we’d love to see them but between homework, sports, social stuff, kids’ parties, we don’t have time to be doing 12 hour round trips to be visiting them regularly for the weekend, and they are most welcome to stay with us anytime in very comfortable spare suite with ensuite etc.

So we barely ever see them.

Very similar to our situation! If we needed them they would be here right away. But otherwise nothing. They are very involved with BIL kids though and they stay over regular.

Nope. PIL will have DC maybe once or twice a year but never overnight and we have to ask.

My DPs don't have them at all these days. They have babysat maybe 3 or 4 times in 12 years.

My mum would offer to have DS for an evening so me and DH could go outsometimes when DS was a baby. But not the rest of them. But my dad and PIL would all happily step up if ASKED. They just don't offer. Partly because they don't want to over step, partly because it just doesn't occur to them. Doesn't bother me at all.

My husband’s parents are dead so no help there. Neither of my own parents (divorced) have ever had my children one-to-one or offered to have them overnight or babysit or anything, at any point, ever! My children are both mid primary school age

Yes my parents have my kids most Friday nights and sometimes longer. My oldest goes less now as he likes to spend weekends with friends but will still go once a month if not more. They also take them away for holidays. My grandparents also had me over all the time after school and to stay at weekends and when my kids are grown up I will have my grandchildren ( if they're happy for me to). My husbands parents have never once had his child over night and my ex MIL has had one grandchild to stay once so I understand my situation is probably more unusual but we are a closer family

No.
My PIL have never had my children, even for 10 minutes.
My mother has looked after my child only during a medical emergency and when I had my second child.

I had to beg my mother to watch my son for 25 minutes last week for an appointment.

Never asked nor offered, even when they knew we were struggling. I envy friends who have parents that care

Both set of parents do but 1 set live in Australia and 1 set 3 hours away so its not weekly or monthly sort of offers.
My parents offer to have my DCs a few weeks a year (probably 2-3 weeks of holidays)
My in laws will try to have DCs when they are over so we can do date night or something

But it isn't a we wait for them to offer or they wait for us to ask. Whoever asks for asks first. If they want to have time with the kids they ask, if we need childcare for an event we just ask.

Yup sils children sleep over, they get picked up from school once a week for nanny grandad time and sil only works school hours. Childcare to go shopping alone, childcare to paint a room, childcare because she wants a bath probably 😅